Will she ever commit?

My forever girl.

She was an enigma from day one and to this date as of end of May 2024…. Will she ever commit? Will she be my forever girl? I had several candidates between her initial contact and to date. Many I could not take seriously, as they were just playing around but some were tempting. She remains my dream girl, nice to dream about her what could be and maybe one day…

She contacted me on Collar Space, although her initial contact ended up in the bulk mail, which I designated for males and couples. I’ve had too many males wanting to be my slaves, and a few couples too! By luck or divine intervention I checked it! “Hello, how are you doing ? I read your profile and I wonder if you are still looking ? and I have to say I live in Canada. my profile is not accurate”

No shit, it said:

Our initial contact did not went far in establishing a relationship. Nooshi liked me, and sent a couple of images of herself and answered some key questions, but after that she just stopped responding. To me she looked like an angel. She went silent, but as she checked all the boxes I wanted I was not about to give up. She liked to avoid direct answers, I guess that is her nature.BTW Nooshi is not her real name, but will use it to protect her identity. I gave her my trust but can she do the same? I would like that. I am left baffled… she just remains an enigma. I wrote to her that stated my disappointment in her behaviour, but no response, I wrote her off. 

Promises made

Nooshi, contacted me again in June 2022. She made up a profile on The Cage, and contacted me with the Cage messenger. Although she initially was coy, when I looked at her posted image it was she, the same sunglasses that it was on her first image sent. Her bio looked familiar too. I’ve replied noted, “I know who you are.” She apologized for her bad behaviour. We sent a few messages back-and-forth. I accepted her apology. She though I would be very upset with her. Actually I wasn’t just puzzled. WTF she wants? Why play games? Either she wants to be involved or not. I’ve asked her to sent me some images in a certain way she refused. I just wanted to see would she and can be taken seriously. She also deleted her profile next day. When I asked why did she do that? She replied she found what she was after. She is certainly a very good looking and bright woman! Most males would kill for someone who looks like her! Why would she want me with so many choices? She admitted that she likes me, “as I am the most genuine person she ever talked with, but she doesn’t feel we are a great match.” If that is the case why even contact me the second time?

I’ve sent her some images of my previous activities with slaves. She wrote that she could relate to them and she liked all of them. Could I imagine her on those images? I’ve replied it is her who should imagine herself of being my slave. I can not make her to be my slave, I can only build up her desire. It is up to her. If yes, just indicate it, and follow my commands.

Nosshi, left for her home country for about a month in the middle of June 2022, and after that she will look for her “forever home” with someone who will give her the type of slavery she desires, when she returns.  She hinted that it could be with me. She also wrote on the way to to the airport that my images turned her on. Initially thought that they were from the internet, but realized that they were mine, and one particular image showed what she required, she wanted to be that girl!  And that is were we stopped for a long time, noting that internet in her country was dreadful, but she will write when she could.  I received two very short emails from her about a week after she left indicating she was alive, has problems accessing the internet and can I see her in the position?  She is in a very different country with a so-so internet coverage and censorship. I replied, “Yes, I can!” she is who I want!

A lot of time has  passed. Did not heard anything from her for months. Was she dead? There were severe floods in the region she visited. She could be back? Changed her mind once again? I asked her via email for closure of the uncertainties. Does she wants to be with me or not!? Yes or no? No reply, but later I found out that she read all my emails, and made her feel good! 

In the meantime I wrote a poem about my forever girl! You can read it here

Only time will tell. It is just unfortunate that it has to be such a stressful  process.  She makes me happy and sad at the same time. Why play such stupid games? She wanted a serious relationship, just like I did. Was her talk about “forever home and being that girl” her dream with me? Will this ever happen? This makes me sad, not just for myself, but for her. Obviously has serious commitment issues; 2 failed marriages, broken engagements. She has the tendency of running away from herself, in many ways a tragic figure, a person with a hurting soul. She should know no one can run away from themselves. One day she will realize what she gave up by abandoning me, if that is the case: my trust. I will never know unless there is a closure from her part. I never gave anyone so much time, try not to jump to premature conclusions about her! I used my time to see if I could verify her past with the few details I had. I was able to find some traces, and yes whatever she told me about her education and profession was all true. I wrote an email  to her about what I found. She replied I did my homework well. She was surprised but not angry with me. Later on I receive an email that she is confused, does not know what to do. I offered my support, my understanding, and my help. She stopped contacting me after that.

On Twitter, now X, she blocked me when I contacted her.  In December 2022  I sent her my greetings, just before Christmas, she contacted me and wrote that she wants to this, but her father is sick, and can’t leave him.  I replied, I wish him well, and just relax, if she truly wants our relationship, I am here.  For many months she was silent. Finally, she wrote saying she does read my emails and it makes her feel good, but it so hard for her to join me, essentially, she can not.  Again, I offered my support, my understanding, and my help. I wrote many emails, but she remained silent. 2023 went by quickly. Despite our distance, I felt very close to her as we shared many things in common, and places where we both lived. She understand my culture, my background as she studied in my city of birth in Europe. I understand her situation, and issues she faced in the past. In many ways we share similar history, as I am divorced too. I have empathy for her, and according to her, I know her better than she does herself! This alone gave me strength to go on in my pursuit of her. She is worthy of my time, despite the difficulties!

2024

In April, 2024 she sent me two images  saying that this was not a fantasy for her, as I asked her about her intentions. Just very hard for her to leave her friends and family behind. It is never easy to make a commitment. However, she left her family and friends behind when she was married, and even when moved to the USA! In mid-May, I found out by accident that she was in Canada, established her business with a partner in the same profession. I contacted her, but she has not responded.

All I know is that I truly care for her. She is embedded in my soul. I do believe that she is a troubled soul, she needs a strong person to by her side, to rehabilitate her. She blames herself for past failures in her relationship, and is afraid to fall in love again.  To her, a loving relationship will not work. In her own words, she desires a different relationship in which she is dominated, used hard without mercy but not abused. She knows me by now well enough that I can give her this. She is more intelligent than all the rest, has the looks that I want, the killer smile for which I crave, and is one of my weaknesses. Maybe I showed too much empathy and kindness, perhaps she is afraid of falling in love with me, and failing again? To help her, I wrote a fictional book, in which she is featured as the main character. In many ways a Story of O, but with a much happier ending. Will she read it, and act on the message in this book? Nooshi is enigma challenging my soul and my beliefs. If she will not commit, I will have to rip her out of my soul. I’ve tried it is a very painful process in her case. So much easier with others whom I never truly cared for.

A slave from the past

A former slave from 20+ years ago contacted me, living in the USA, who owed me money, and paid up recently. She wanted to belong to me as her Master. She screwed up my life once with her behaviour, while I forgave her, I did not forget all the problems Apart from her past issues, I wasn’t interested having her for several reasons: she has kids, is far from having a brilliant mind, is not feminine enough and she lives in the USA. For her to get here legally would be extremely difficult. In plain English, it would never work.

She tried to buy my attention, if nothing else being a financial slave, but didn’t last long. I truly wanted nothing to do with her. I’ve mentioned I’m writing a book about someone and have no time or interest in her. The former slave got upset, called me all kinds of nasty names, and mentioned I was just too weak and desperate as I want somebody else! Obviously the former slave was just jealous that she couldn’t belong and serve me.

Will she be my forever girl?

Will Nooshi ever take the step? In so many way a downgrade from her existing lifestyle, to be my slave, yet in so many ways a desired improvement, a place to find solace for her, and for myself too! So close yet so far away! I’ve been standing by now for over 2 years. I was contacted by many other candidates during our correspondence in the past two years.  I never committed to anyone else, although one or two came close and it was tempting, which sounds foolish and crazy.

Update of September 2024. I received an email from her: “I’m sorry to say but you were right the other day seeing me with a ring on my finger. I got married few days ago.” Now this long chapter is closed.