by Excerpts from a slave’s diary….
A true account of events. My motives about posting these diary pages is simple. In the likelihood case for someone who wants to be my slave for her to learn from. Not to fall into the same pitfalls and disappoint herself.
Unfortunately, I am not as young I used to be, many sexual scenarios now could never take place as written. The names, places were redacted (only XXX-ing them out is possible) to protect the privacy of all involved.
While the excerpts make a fascinating reading they show hope, longing, highs, joys, turmoil, self-doubt, insecurities, failures, dark desires, and fantasies. She was from the UK, so spelling is the British English and some of the terms and words. I will not post all the pages for two reasons: 1) they have more personal information and private feelings, 2) I do not have all the pages anymore. During a backup to an external drive upon my computer and drive crashed at the same time corrupted many diary pages and about 65% of my images of her on both devices. In hindsight, should have burnt them to a CD disk.
She went trough metamorphosis to reborn into something totally different. I offered guidance, understanding, patience, love, honest communication, training with appropriate sternness a bit sadism when required, never forcing her to be my consensual slave. I’d only offered two simple choices, yes or no. The answer to this simple choice was not that simple it had come from her own free will, needing to submit and be the one I wanted. She was in the “yes” commitment zone from 75% to 99% but never in the 100% or as she put it with 110% certainty.
Forcing to break her will would have been actually easy. Being cold, stern, sadistic, brutal not caring how she felt. She even hinted/wanted that in her fantasy but I knew not in reality. For her that would had created a resentment and would have ended the relationship even quicker. Additionally, that would be abusive, and even criminal. I am neither! The desire has to come from within and by free choice.
For her it was very difficult without a lot of trust, honesty, determination, persistence, commitment to turn pent-up hidden fantasy and dark desires for 20+ years into a reality. There is a difference between wanting and being. When reality sunk in it shocked her core psychologically, emotionally, and physically. I know affected her for a lifetime, better or worse. We had something special. No matter what has happened, I always respected, valued and never abused or took advantage her. Her feelings mattered at the end of the day. I gave her the freedom to explore her darkest desires to find out not how it could be but what is like in real life. She placed her trust even her darkest desires in me, and I remain honoured by that to this day. I never criticized or made fun of them. Perhaps that is why she fell in love with me first and foremost as I was a gentleman, her loving dominant!
M/s is about domination, compliance and ownership. Trust and honesty for both and selflessness to please for the slave without thinking of her own pleasure are the key elements. Love is not the key element but can develop between the Master and his slave, and nothing wrong with loving each other and we did in our case. When I mentioned and additional slave it was purely to ease her fears, to take the pressure off from becoming one right away. Build a desire to be with me enough that she would want to take the step for us to be together. It worked to a large degree just her procrastination about moving to a location that suited for both of us destroyed our relationship. I only wanted her and to succeed never to fail: as failing ourselves is the worst emotional pain.
I have the knack to realize the situation quickly. I can just walk away and not care or be very stubborn to fight for someone I thought was worthwhile. She was. Finally came down to can I live with disappointments, her failures time after time which were just caused by her procrastination due to over analyzing everything. Many situations can be rectified with positive reinforcement or even punishments. There was no viable solution for our situation apart from one, for her to just say fuck it, and move in with me after nine months. Worry about her paperwork etc later. She loved her last visit but still could not commit, wanted to come back for another visit during the Christmas season.
I explained to her our relationship, shared desires “dreams” were derailed by her procrastination in submitting paperwork and missed the deadline for Canada which was the most suitable option. She didn’t really like the city where I lived and worked, too hot, and lacked culture, for someone from Europe or very European roots this was like being buried alive. I could not blame her as I agreed with her. I was willing to sell my house and to be with her in Canada, but not before she legally immigrated to Canada on her accord. I had a nice house and an OK job. For me to move to the UK was not in the cards. She lived in a small rental cottage, practically no assets apart from a few thousands in her bank account a lot less to loose. She could get another similar position in case she decided to move back. For me would had cost a fortune to ship our car, artwork, books etc over. It would have been much harder to find suitable employment, than for her in Canada or even in the USA. I would loose more than her in every which way, especially if she would change her mind after I got there, which was a good possibility due to her lack of commitment over the months. We could not go on like this: it was over. Dismissal was the ultimate punishment not being whipped raw. I know this hurt and broke her heart. I’d had to let her go regardless that we loved each other. This decision hurt me as much or even more, tears were shed from both sides.
Four weeks later, she called me. I’ve hoped that she changed her mind found enough courage to commit 110% and say “I am on the next plane to you!” Admitted that she was hurting deeply and can’t deal disappointing me and herself anymore, the call was about something else. I wished her well and that was the last time we spoke twenty years ago.
A few years later after I moved back to Canada, was updating my profile on LinkedIn saw her profile. She moved on to a different city and firm. I contacted her via the email listed “I hope that you found what you were looking for and were well and happy!” A few days later she removed her LinkedIn profile.
To read the pages click on these links below
