Take 2

Monday, April 1

A surprise phone call from Lxxxxx this morning at around 9.00 am.  He was still up, as his computer had crashed during the evening, and he had spent the last few hours re-installing the software, etc. 

He said if I was with him now, I could give him a good massage, then suck his cock.  He asked me if I had masturbated last night, and I said no, so he said, stick 2 fingers inside your cunt now, and for me to talk to him and make him cum.  I told him how much I desire to be taken to the bathroom and kneel before him in the bath so he can pee on me, in my mouth, and as I rub it into my body he pushes his cock back into my mouth, and it starts to get hard.  I can still taste his pee in my mouth and now I am longing for his cum too.  He then grabs my hair and pulls me closer to him to that he can fuck me in the mouth really deeply.  Lxxxxx then said how he would then have me climb out of the bath, bend over, and lick his pee from the bath, while he fucked me in the cunt.  Then he would take some lubricant, spread it around my ass, then fuck me there.  He knows that it would hurt but that I need to know that I am completely owned.  He came as I said how much I would love to lick up his pee while being fucked by him.

After we said bye on the phone, I masturbated a little thinking about what he had described.  It turns me on to think about being fucked in the mouth, cunt and ass all in the same session.  I then went to the bathroom, to see how it would feel to bend over the bath and lick his pee.  If I put my hands and elbows on the bottom of the bath, I can get my tongue on the bath, while keeping my legs straight.  This should look really sexy.

After that I masturbated again and reached orgasm.  Here is what I fantasised about : 

I was ordered before you and you asked me to describe the function of my mouth, my cunt and my ass.  I said that the purpose of my mouth is to give you pleasure.  To suck your cock, your toes or your fingers, or any part of your body you desire, whenever you wish.  Also it is there to be fucked like a second cunt, and to receive and swallow your cum.  This is my greatest reward.  Also its purpose is to serve you as your toilet whenever you wish.  And that I will be trained to take and drink your pee, and to not spill a drop.  I then said that my cunt exists solely for your pleasure.  For you to play with, penetrate, lick, bite, apply pain, whatever you wish, or to have me rub it along your body, whatever you want.  And my ass too is there to be penetrated whenever you wish.  I orgasmed thinking about being penetrated by you in these 3 places one after the other.

Tuesday, April 2

I woke up at around 3.00 am this morning, and once again I masturbated.  When I masturbate like that during the middle of the night it is so strange.  It is like I am still half asleep.  Sometimes I even do fall asleep afterwards, to wake up with my jar of Vaseline between my legs.  I was fantasising about how my Master wishes me to pee.  He says that from now on when we are in the house together I will not be allowed to pee unless it is in his presence.  If I want to pee I am to ask for permission.  And when I am allowed to pee, there are 2 rules.  I must pee so that my Master can clearly see my pee, and my bum is not allowed to touch the toilet seat.  Sometimes, I am to pee into a special receptacle, such as a glass.  If I spill any, I know that I will be punished. 

After I had finished masturbating I did go to the bathroom, and to see how practical this is, I did pee kind of standing up, facing the wall, legs spread across the loo, crouched down a little.  But my pee was clear to see.  This would be so erotic if my Master was here.

I must have gone back to sleep because at around 6.00 am the phone went.  I knew it was Lxxxxx but I had no idea of what to expect.  He immediately said that my function is to serve and please him, and then began to repeat to me some of the things I had written in my diary, but adding his own fantasies.  He described how he would tie me down bent over a chair, and then whip my ass, or use his crop on me, and then use my ass hole as a holder for his crop, and then pee over me.  After a while he would untie me, and have me lick up every drop of his pee off the floor, knowing that I don’t want to miss a single drop.  This turned me on so much.  I felt that I might almost have an orgasm.  He must have been close himself, because when he had me talk to him, I started to say that I long to be tied like this and would love to lick his pee off the floor, and then he came.

During this session I called him my Master twice, which is significant because I haven’t been doing that for quite some time.  Afterwards I lay on the bed for a while, whilst I cooled down.  Then pulled the covers over me, thinking about how he makes me feel. 

This evening I read the e-mail that Lxxxxx sent to me after he had read my diary.  He said that I am starting to free myself up, which is good.  I certainly feel that is so.  The frequency of my masturbating and the nature of my fantasies are like nothing before.  What is also significant is that Lxxxxx signed his e-mail ‘Your loving Master’ – which he hasn’t done for some time.

He did make the comment that it is time to stop pussy footing around.  Well yes perhaps it is.  According to him,  “We are just going around in circles without arriving anywhere!” During the day I have been thinking about this a lot.  What I would like to happen when Lxxxxx is here is to have sessions where I am his slave.  I would like some of the sessions to be fairly long and for some of them to be also physically and mentally demanding.  For me, to be tied over a chair, whipped, cropped, have the crop stuck in my ass hole, peed on and made to lick up the pee, is demanding.  But I trust Lxxxxx 110%, and know that he will not do anything which would harm me.  However I feel that I would be able to do this.  Especially if first I am made to do something which arouses/excites me, and puts me into a very submissive frame of mind.  When I feel like this, then I will be much less likely to try to resist.  Instead I will simply go with the feelings, and my feeling of submission will probably deepen.  This scenario may be fairly mild for Lxxxxx.  I don’t know.  It would actually be interesting to know what he considers really extreme and heavy.  What is he actually capable of doing to a slave ?  And what is it that turns him on ?  Is it the power he has over that slave/woman ?  or the fact that he knows he is inflicting pain, or is it the whole visual experience ?

Anyhow, I would like to be pushed to my limits during our sessions, to see what I am really capable of, what I might be capable of in the future, really just to discover more about myself.  As I have realised that I like piss play so much, there may be many other things that I would never have considered that I would be able to do.  So that when we are together permanently somewhere, we will know what type of relationship is possible, and whether Lxxxxx needs another slave, and what type of slave he needs.  Outside of a session then I would not be his slave (although we both really know that I am his slave anyway).  But still, outside of sessions, I can be just Cxxxxxx, or as he started to call me BBC: Beautiful British Cxxxxxx,  was one version it stood for another was Beautiful British Cunt, and not have to behave in a slave-like manner.  However, if I wanted to go to the loo for example, I would have to ask for permission, and this would immediately put me back into a slave situation.  Lxxxxx would then have full control over how that session went.

I’m not sure if this is what Lxxxxx would want, and obviously his enjoyment and satisfaction are paramount, but I am just trying to think of ways to ensure that this time when we are together, we can fulfill each others needs, and have a fun time too.

Wednesday, April 3

3.00 am again !  And always the urge to masturbate.  I think the thing which turns me on most about masturbating like this in the middle of the night, is imagining that it is my Master who wants to fuck me during the middle of the night, and so wakes me up, ordering me either suck or him, or to spread my legs straight away so he can fuck me.

When I woke up in the morning at around 7.00 am, I realised that Lxxxxx wasn’t going to be phoning me.  It would be a long wait until I could talk to him.  At work, I was waiting for the hours to pass.  I remember at 11.00 am I was thinking that in 2 ½ hours I would be hearing his voice.  Then it was 1 ½ hours, then 40 minutes, then less than an hour, then 10 minutes. 

After I had sent him my diary entry for yesterday, I was wondering what he would think about it.  In my diary I just put down my honest thoughts During the day I was thinking that I only want to please him.  I do not want to disappoint him by saying that I want something, and then not being able to carry it through, or worse still freaking out.  But I have had more chance to think about this now, and I do want our sessions to be challenging in some way and different.  I really do want to experience things.  In the evening I saw the e-mail which he had sent me.  It was really nice.  He appreciated my honesty, and was interested to read about my thoughts. 

Earlier on in the evening I did masturbate.  I wanted to make it more difficult for myself, so I used some clothes pegs.  I used the shower attachment that I often use.  This runs tightly across my pussy, and the attachments put pressure on my nipples.  I then put 2 pegs on each pussy lip, and the Vaseline jar between my legs, on my clit.  Because of this and the attachment between my legs, and the pegs, my pussy lips were stretched.  I also attached a peg on each nipple.  When I laid down on my stomach, I immediately felt all the sensations.  I fantasised and became really wet, but did not have an orgasm, but nevertheless I was very high.  Taking the pegs off is an experience too !  I laid there for a while, then put just the jar of Vaseline back between my legs.  My pussy lips felt a little tender, but soon I was wet again.  I fantasised about being down on my hands and knees before my Master.  I was then ordered face down, and kept in that position for a while.  With my face on the floor, legs spread slightly, and ass in the air, I was ready for my Master.  But he kept me waiting.  I didn’t know whether I was going to be beaten or penetrated.  But after waiting so long, I didn’t care.  I just wanted to feel something from him.  Then it came.  First his crop – gentle strokes across my ass and between my legs, and then the first of several strikes.  Then he had me stand up.  And gave the command to spread my legs and bend over.  With my hands on the floor, and legs straight, he penetrated me deeply.  Just as he was about to come, he said that I had pleased him, and could have my reward.  I immediately turned to face him, dropped to my knees, raised my head to him, and opened my mouth.

Over the last couple of weeks, as we have talked about the possibilities within our relationship, I do feel closer to Lxxxxx.  I am becoming so much more dependent on him, and despite the fact that I don’t always see myself as his slave, I am showing some of the characteristics of a slave.  For one thing, I don’t want to displease him.  In a ‘normal’ relationship, this wouldn’t really ever be an issue.  A couple may always strive to give each other their best, but in an M/s type relationship, the feeling that the slave has is so much stronger.  Secondly, my dependence on him.  I am also freeing up myself to many more possibilities/activities, becoming more imaginative, etc, which is really good.  While I may be his slave anyway, I do accept that a session is different.  Here, Lxxxxx has full control, makes all the choices, and will end the session when he chooses.

Thursday, April 4

I did wake again during the night – I’m not quite sure what time it was.  And I did masturbate again.  I can hardly remember what I fantasised about now, but I know that I was really hot.  My pussy was so wet, my whole body was wet.  When I settle down to sleep again, I often have to sleep on the other side of the bed, because the sheets are damp!  I was wondering whether Lxxxxx would phone me or not.  I was hoping that he would.  I long to please him, satisfy him.  At around 6.00 am, the phone rang…

He started to talk to me, and again my pussy became so wet.  He then gave me several instructions.  I am to get a dildo.  A battery operated one, at least 1” diameter.  I am only to use this when he instructs me to.  When he is here, he will use this on me.  Also I am to get 8 feet of chain.  Something with some weight to it, and 2 padlocks with keys.  And the black silky rope as previously instructed.  He then said that when he is here, I will be his slave for a whole day.  I assume this will be for 24 hours.  This is what I will be preparing myself for.  During this time, I will do exactly as he says, will only drink, eat and pee with his permission.  If instructed to pee into a cup, I may be ordered to drink it. 

I think this will be good for both of us.  Firstly I hope it will give Lxxxxx real pleasure and satisfaction.  From my point of view, the main thing is that I do not disappoint him or let him down in any way.  This is not a game, and if we are to do this, then I have to approach it with the right attitude.  If want to see it through to the end.  The feeling I will have and the satisfaction in knowing that I have done this for Lxxxxx will help me get through it.  This may be easy for Lxxxxx, but for me this is something that I will have to prepare for – both mentally and physically – to ensure that I succeed. 

In one respect it may be easier than the time spent in Xxxxxxx.  I remember when we were in Las Vegas, I had real difficulty in distinguishing when I was a slave and when I was just Cxxxxxx.  I found it hard to be a slave and still maintain my sense of identity.  What I actually should have been doing, was simply relaxing, and taking things as them came. 

But what Lxxxxx and I are talking about here is different, because the session is going to go on for a whole day, and probably night.  The way I can succeed is to just abandon myself to the situation.  Not worry about anything.  Accept that Lxxxxx is making the decisions.  I trust him 110% and know that he will not do anything to permanently harm me.  So what is the worst thing that can happen ?  Almost certainly some pain, but I should be able to take it because my attitude will be there this time; some humiliation – but then I like that, don’t I ?  I do wonder how far Lxxxxx is going to go though ?  Nevertheless, I do want this.  It will show us what I am capable of.  And what I will possibly be capable of in the future.  Also, for me, it will be a better insight into what it is like to be nothing else but a slave.

Good news about the book!  Lxxxxx sent me an e-mail at work today telling me to check up on the book.  After I go to my meeting, I phoned the book store.  They confirmed that the book had been dispatched this morning.  I was so happy.  Although it was Lxxxxx who had found the book in the first place, at least I was able to get it for him.  I’m happy because I know he will be pleased.  After the meeting, when I knew that Lxxxxx would be at his office, I phoned him to let him know.  It has been sunny and warm today, and driving back home, I was feeling so happy.

My Master has instructed me to have some pegs besides the bed from now on.  I wonder if he will phone me tonight ?

Wednesday, May 1

I had an early morning phone call from my Master.  Although he has said that I can’t masturbate, he didn’t say that he wouldn’t use me for his own sexual pleasure.  When I answered the phone, he asked who I belong to.  I said I belonged to him.  He then told me to get undressed, get down on the floor, face down, legs spread, with my ass in the air.  I knew that my cunt was wet, but I didn’t touch it.  He then said to touch it, and tell him whether it was wet.  He also reminded me that it isn’t my cunt, it’s His.  It belongs to him, as does my mouth, lips, anus.  When I said to him that it was wet, he said that I was just right for fucking.  He then told me to take the largest vibrator and put the tip to my cunt lips.  Then to turn it on and push it right in.  (I used the large vibrating one which came with the anal kit.  It is about 8” long and about 1 ½” in diameter).  He told me to push it in and out, and to imagine that it was his cock.  He then told me to make him cum.  I said that me legs were spread for him, and my ass was in the air, with my cunt ready for fucking.  He said how he would pee into my cunt, and said “That’s what you want, isn’t it”.  I replied, yes Master.  I’d love to feel him pee in my cunt, as it mixes with the pussy juices, and also feel his warm pee on my ass, and rub it into my ass with my hands.  I want it so much, anywhere – in my mouth, in my cunt, on my body.  When he was almost about to cum, he told me to open my mouth, and as he came, I could almost taste him.  It took me a few minutes to come back down.  He told me to relax.  Before he hung up, he reminded me that I am not to masturbate until tomorrow morning.

Afterwards I got back into bed, but couldn’t sleep right away.  I imagined curled up in bed, safe, with my Master’s arms and legs wrapped around me.  When I got up an hour or so later, I got down on the floor, naked, and said my oath. 

I phoned him at his usual time, from the car.  I am getting used now to phoning him from there.  It’s a lot more private – much better.  Because it’s more private, we’re free to be more open.  For the 10 minutes or so before I phone him, I get a little bit worked up, but as soon as I hear his voice, I feel relaxed.  He asked me what I was wearing, and I said my long brown skirt.  He said to take off my panties.  He then asked if I had enjoyed this morning’s session, and said that it was to remind me.  I did understand that.  I know that I have to be available for him at all times – day or night, and that he can do anything he likes with me.  This does turn me on.  I think for now this is enough to keep me doing what he wants.  And in time, while it may still turn me on, knowing that I am there for him should just become a normal part of my life. 

But at the moment I do fantasise and get turned on by this feeling of being totally available for him.  For instance, this morning, being made to get out of bed and present my ass for him, ready for fucking, or being woken up and told to get out of bed, kneel on the floor at his side of the bed and to suck on his cock. 

When I got back to the office it was again, an erotic feeling walking around with no panties on.  When I’m sitting, I can almost forget that I am naked under my skirt, but when I stand, I am immediately reminded of my nakedness, and I really do feel like my Master’s cunt on two legs.  After work, I went swimming.  Again, I was doing this for my Master.  My Master says that I have a sexy body, and he really does make me feel sexy. 

I will be able to masturbate tomorrow morning.  If I can remember I will take note of the time I started to masturbate, so I know how long it took to come to orgasm. 

Thursday, May 2

When I woke this morning I felt a bit lousy (I have caught cold), but really happy because I could masturbate and cum for my Master.  I used a vibrator inside my pussy, one on my cit, large butt plug and a peg on each nipple, and laid on my stomach.  To be honest, I would have probably still cum if I had just used the jar of Vaseline.  I didn’t need any elaborate fantasy.  I simply imagined kneeling naked before my Master as he reminded me of my purpose and function.  He also reminded me that all that I am and all that I have belong to him.  If I am a slave, I can not own anything because I myself am owned.  He then asked me what kind of a slave I was.  I replied that I am his no limits slave.  He asked me was I sure, and I said that I really want to be his no limits slave.  Just thinking about this made me have an orgasm.  It went on for a few seconds, in my cunt and I could feel it in my ass.

Afterwards I got up, took off the pegs, and took out the vibrator and plug, and stood as if I was in front of my Master.  I then knelt down, and then got into my submission position and said my oath.  I thanked my Master for the orgasm, and to thank him further I got into the face down, ass up, position for 10 minutes and then on my hands and knees for a further 10 minutes.  I then got back onto my knees and then back onto my feet.  And stood there for a few moments, feeling a calmness surrounding me.

Less than a week to go now, and I am really looking forward to it.  In his e-mail to me yesterday, Lxxxxx says that I am still fighting myself, and don’t yet know what I want.  That’s true.  But at least I do understand more about this lifestyle, and what Lxxxxx needs.  At the moment I can see myself being with him as his lover, his submissive, part-time slave.  I can also see him having another slave, but I don’t yet know how this is going to affect me.  the only thing that is going to help is to actually be with him, to find a role in which I am happy, and with which Lxxxxx is happy, feel confident and secure in that role, and then hopefully I will have less difficulty in accepting other things.

At work when it got to around 1.20, I went outside to the car.  My Thursday pm meeting was cancelled and so I called him from the car in the car park.  As I walked across the car park I couldn’t help but feel happy, and I was smiling.  The feeling I get just before I phone him is wonderful.  It has got stronger over the last few days.

When he answered the phone I think he was already hard, and said that my mouth belonged around his cock.  He then told me to put my fingers inside my cunt.  It was so soft and wet.  The said that if I was there I would be in my position, face down, ass up, and he would fuck me, and he would have me beg him to fuck me hard and deep.  He told me to say my oath, and said that he had needed me at 2.00 am his time as he’s had the most beautiful erection.  How I wish I could have been there for him.  He then wanted me to make him cum.  I said how I would spread my legs and present my cunt, This cunt, for him, and beg him to fuck me deep and hard so I could feel it all day long.  As he came, he told me to open my mouth.  I long so much to taste my Master’s cum again.  Afterwards he asked me if I had masturbated, and whether I had cum.  I said to him that I came after 13 minutes.  I forgot to ask my Master whether I was to masturbate again today.  He hadn’t said that I shouldn’t, but neither that I should.  I wondered if I should phone him, but I didn’t want to interrupt him at work.  So when I did get home I did masturbate and I did have an orgasm.  I hope I did the right thing.  He might say afterwards that I should have checked with him. 

I used a vibrator in my pussy, and the butt plug, and laid on my stomach with the 2 smaller vibrators on my nipples.  After thinking about my Master for a couple of minutes my pussy was so wet.  I fantasised that my Master was instructing me how I should ask him for permission to use the toilet.  In my fantasy I asked permission in the correct way.  Initially my Master denied permission and insisted instead that I suck on his toes.  If I pleased him, then he would allow me to go to the toilet.  After sucking on his toes for 15 minutes, he said that I could ask permission again.  I did so, and he said yes.  I was to go upstairs to the bathroom and get down on my knees and wait for him.  After a couple of minutes he came in with a glass.  I was to pee into the glass.  My Master instructed me that if I spieled any, I would be punished.  I tried hard to pee directly into the glass, but some spieled.  When I had finished, my Master told me to take the glass in my hands.  For all the pee that I had spieled, I was to drink the same amount from the glass.  When my Master ordered, I began to drink from the glass, until he told me to stop.  I then had an orgasm.  It went on for a while – there were 3 or 4 contractions deep inside my cunt and ass.

I have just talking with Lxxxxx, and yes I am to go back to masturbating 3 times a day.  So I will have another session before I go to sleep.  I hope that I can cum again for my Master.

I really feel as though I am getting a lot closer to him.  When we talked, he sensed that I was a little bit tense.  I do get worked up before I phone him, and while I am talking to him, I sometimes just feel like I am melting.  I was in bed when I phoned him this evening, and afterwards I just curled up, thinking about him, and then felt more calm.

When I went to bed, I masturbated for the third time.  I used a peg on each nipple, the large vibrator inside my pussy, with one of the smaller ones on my clit, and laid on my back.  I started to fantasise about my Master reminding me that I am his property, and that if I am to be his slave, I will be marked as his property.  I imagined kneeling before my Master, with his tattoo clearly visible, knowing that it will be a permanent reminder for me every day that I belong to my Master.  I get very turned on by this thought, and although I didn’t have an orgasm, I got so very aroused. 

Friday, May 3

This morning as soon as I woke, Lxxxxx was on my mind again.  I was looking forward to masturbating for him.  I used the very large vibrator in my pussy (It kind of slipped out a couple of times, but was OK, because it was still stimulating the opening to my pussy), and 2 of the other small vibrators on my nipples, and laid on my stomach.  I imagined my Master telling me what my function was.  I then started to fantasise about being whipped by him.  He said he would use his whip on me until he was satisfied.  I was tied down on the bed, legs spread wide, arms tied, so I couldn’t move.  Cushions were put under my stomach and top of my legs to raise my ass.  He said that I would count each lash and thank him for each one, and that he wanted to hear no other sound from me.  As the first lash struck, I shuddered, but kept quiet, and managed to say “One, Master.  Thank you Master”.  A further 5 lashes followed.  He then stopped and felt my pussy, His pussy.  It was very wet, and he put his fingers deep inside, and felt me like that for a while.  He then continued with the whipping.  After a further 6 lashes he stopped again, and said that he would stop now, but it would please him if I begged more.  And I did.  I begged him to whip me more and take his pleasure, and then as I imagined the lashes getting harder and harder, I had an orgasm. 

Afterwards I got out of bed, and got down on the floor.  I said my oath, and thanked my Master for the orgasm.  I wonder what something like this is going to be like for real.  All I know is that I want to do it, for Lxxxxx, my Master, and for myself.  I want to please him my letting him push my tolerance levels.  Similarly what is it going to be like drinking pee from a glass, or licking it up from a bowl.  But again the main thing is that I want to do it, to prove to Lxxxxx than I can do this for him.  And it will be so erotic to stand before him holding a glass full of pee, knowing that on his command, I have no option but to drink it, no matter whether I like it or not.

As I have been getting closer to Lxxxxx over the last few days, the effect he is having on me is deepening.  I understand now about how he wrote on his website – that whether I needed gentleness or sternness, either way he would be in control, and either way he would get his pleasure and satisfaction.  Because whether he is being gentle or stern, I can always feel him controlling me.  When he is gentle, I feel that I am melting, sinking into blissfulness.  And when he is stern and dominant, I get very submissive, but at the same time very much aroused.  When I phoned him this afternoon (just after 6.30 am his time) it was lovely talking with him.  These are the times when I feel like I am melting. 

I had a swim after work, then when I got back home, I went upstairs to masturbate.  I used the large butt plug, laid on my stomach, with the large vibrator just touching the pussy lips, put 2 pegs on each pussy lip and used 2 vibrators on my nipples.  Soon my pussy was very wet.  I was fantasising about my Master instructing me in how I am to ask for permission if I want to use the loo, or ask for permission for anything else.  In my fantasy I asked in the correct way for permission to use the loo.  My Master considered this for a moment, and then denied permission, saying ‘No I don’t think so slave, not yet’.  At this point I had a thundering orgasm.  There were about 6 contractions, in my pussy and in my ass.  Afterwards I took off the pegs.  They were hurting a bit.  It always surprises me that as I’m masturbating, and particularly as I get close to orgasm, I feel no pain.  Then as soon as I’ve had an orgasm, I’m aware of the pain.  I got down on the floor, said my oath, and thanked my Master so very much for the orgasm.

I phoned Lxxxxx when I was going to bed.  It was lovely talking with him.  We talked for around ½ hour about various things.  He then let me go.  After I masturbated for the third time.  I used a peg on each nipple, and the large vibrator, with a small one on my clit.  Again I found myself fantasising about my Master whipping my ass.  I am tied to the bed, and can’t move.  I know that I am completely under his control, and he will do as he pleases.  I didn’t have an orgasm, but the thought of this really does turn me on.  When he does this for real, I will try ever so hard to please him by taking his lashes.

Saturday, May 4

This morning, the phone rang.  Lxxxxx was still awake.  He wasn’t feeling too good.  If I was with him I could have given him a massage to relax him, make him feel a little better.  I only hope that when he is here, he isn’t troubled with headaches.  The weather at the moment is changeable – it can go from showers to being sunny twice in a day.  I’m not sure though whether during this time, the pressure is changing that quickly.

He asked me whether I had had a session last night, and I said that I had.  He asked me what my fantasy had been.  I was a little hesitant in telling him.  He said I should never be shy or hesitant in telling him anything.  And I don’t ever want to be.  I want to be able to tell him anything and everything.  He then told me to get down into my position and to say my oath.  He then asked again what was my fantasy, and I said that I had again fantasised about being whipped by him.  He said that this is going to leave welts.  I know that, but I want to feel his whip and see the marks it leaves.  I just want to do this for him, and also to prove to myself.  He then told me to put 3 fingers inside my pussy.  It was so delicious and wet.  He talked to me about how, if there was another slave there, one would be sucking on his cock, and the other would be offering her cunt to him for him to lick or do with as he likes.  He really does want me to start being turned on by the idea of there being another slave.  He then said to me how he knows how being humiliated turns me on – being used as a table, a footstool, a toilet, and being treated like a dog, made to eat out of bowl, as he stands over me holding my leash, controlling me.  He then had me bark, and made me go on for longer than ever before.  When he first had me do this it was difficult to do.  I felt too aware of myself.  But now I think I am improving.  All the time I had 3 fingers inside my cunt.  He said to try fisting myself.  I couldn’t manage this, but did put 4 fingers inside.  He wanted me to cum, and as I listened to him saying ‘Cum for me’ I could feel myself get a step closer.  He then wanted me to make him cum.  I said that I was his slave, his whore, his bitch on heat.  That I long for his pee and his cum, and that I will beg him for it every day.  I will beg him to pee in my cunt, on my body, on my breasts, on my face, and in my mouth, so I can rub it into my body, and smell the aroma, and then beg him to cum, beg him to let me suck him, so he can cum in my mouth.  When he was about to cum, he told me to open my mouth, and as he came, I could again feel myself come close to orgasm too.  As we came back down, he told me to get up and relax and lay on the bed.  After a few minutes he let me go.  I laid on the bed for a while, and then pulled the covers over me.  I slept for another hour, still naked. 

My Master wants me to masturbate from now on using only my fingers – no pegs or anything.  He wants me to keep myself for that.  I do so much want to be able to cum for him.  My ‘problem’ is that for 20 years or so I have masturbated in more or less the same way.  That is stimulating myself with something other than my fingers, and fantasising, usually while laying in bed.  I have always believed that the orgasm was caused by the fantasy, because if I simply rubbed myself with something and didn’t fantasise, there wouldn’t be any orgasms.  So I have to begin to try and undo the last 20 years.  Hopefully the fantasies will be replaced by what my Master will do in real life.  Instead of having an orgasm fantasising about being whipped, I will eventually (if my Master allows it) have an orgasm during the real thing. 

I phoned Lxxxxx at 7.00 am (his time) from Xxxxxxxx.  It was so nice to talk with him.  When I got back from town, I phoned him again.  I was naked in bed.  He said that if I was hoping for something, he wasn’t in the mood.  But I never do expect anything, or even hope for anything.  I’m always comfortable talking with Lxxxxx while I’m naked, whatever we talk about.  But I know that whether I am his slave or not, I should be able to recognise his needs.  I think most of the time, he will be very obvious when he wants sex or to have a session.  Other times he may just need a massage, or just my company and conversation.

We did talk about my attempts to find another woman to join us for a threesome.  If I don’t succeed, then I’ll have let him down.  I know that one of my faults is putting things off, and that I need to improve in this area.  I think I was hesitant in doing this because I was a bit wary of the whole thing.  Also if I am honest I am perhaps not yet ready to see Lxxxxx with another woman.  Nevertheless I am prepared to go through with it, because I know that it will make him happy.

After we talked I did masturbate, because I am still to do it 3 times a day.  But Lxxxxx has said not to use any toys.  He doesn’t want me to become dependent on them, nor does he want my pussy, and presumably anus, to become too stretched.  I don’t think either have become too stretched, expect maybe my anus has become a tiny bit more receptive to being penetrated.  I masturbated, laying on my stomach, with my fingers on my clit.  As I fantasised I did become wet, and then started to rub my cunt against the side of my hand.  I imagined that my Master was leading me on my hands and knees to the kitchen where I was to eat.  He had put my food in a bowl, and then poured some of his pee (from earlier) over it.  He placed the bowl on the floor and next to it another bowl that contained more pee.  He then ordered me to eat from the first bowl, and after a while to then drink from the second one.  This went on until both bowls were empty.  And all the time, he was holding the leash, and holding his crop against my cunt, to ensure that I knew that I was under his total control. 

Lxxxxx phoned me a little while ago.  It was nice to hear from him.  This evening I have been a little tired (I’m just getting over this cold).  But I do know that even if I am tired, I always get a buzz, and I smile when I hear from him. 

I’ll go up to bed soon, and masturbate again.  Even though I am not allowed to use any toys, the one thing that is still turning me on is the regularity of masturbating, and knowing that I am doing this for my Master.  I know that I only masturbate for him.

While I was masturbating, Lxxxxx phoned me.  We talked for a while about the US lottery immigration, and how my application apart from being a victim of a scam, is void anyway, because they will not be accepting applications from UK residents.  Anyway, I really want to get entry to the US or Canada more quickly than waiting for the 20XX lottery.

He asked me what I had been fantasising about.  He could tell that I was a little hesitant in saying, and said that I should never keep anything from him.  I should be proud that I have this extra capability to turn my fantasies into reality.  I then said that my fantasy had been about being his dog, his bitch, and being exercised like a dog.  In my fantasy we were living somewhere with a large garden.  My Master was throwing a stick for me to fetch.  I would sit correctly on his left hand side waiting for the command.  When he said fetch I would retrieve the stick.  Because he did actually want me to exercise, and so he allowed me to run on my feet.  But when I retrieved the sick, I had to get down on my hands and knees, and again get down on my knees when I presented it to him.  After presenting it to him, I again went back to sit, and wait for the command again.  This kind of fantasy does turn me on.  It is so humiliating to be treated this way, but at the same time I can’t help but get excited.  And Lxxxxx says that this turns him on too.  He enjoys humiliating me.  He says that when he is here, he will take me out into the garden in the evening to pee. 

Sunday, May 5

This morning, the phone rang and my Master asked me what my purpose was.  I replied that it was to please and serve him.  I thought afterwards that I had replied incorrectly – my purpose is to obey.  That’s what I think he did ask anyway.  But he didn’t say anything.  I said that I wanted to please him, even if I am not his full time slave. 

He then said to get down on the floor and to say my oath.  Then to spread my legs wide.  He said to touch my cunt.  After a few minutes, he asked how many fingers I had inside.  I said 2, but then he reminded me that he hadn’t yet said to put any fingers inside.  I immediately pulled them out, knowing that I’d done something wrong.  I was just waiting then, wondering what he was going to do or say.  He said that I will only touch myself or masturbate when he says so.  He forgave me this time.

I was to put a vibrator in my anus, and use the large one in my cunt, and to fuck myself like that.  He said that if I was with him, he would stick his cock in my mouth.  Use all three holes.  I said I longed to feel his cock deep in my mouth.  And I do.  As I was fucking myself in the ass, he talked about how he wants to have my pussy lips pierced.  Four rings on each, and that he will lock them up, and that only he will have a key.  I will be able to piss, but I won’t be able to fuck, or masturbate.  My sexuality will belong to him completely.  He asked me to beg for this. 

I still find this so very hard to imagine, although I do fantasise about it.  But real life is different.  Months ago I was really struggling with the idea of being both tattooed and pierced.  It is not so much the actual doing it, because that is only temporary pain, it is more what it symbolizes.  By being tattooed and pierced I am giving up so much of myself to him.  I am coming more to terms with the tattoo now.  But even so I do not think I am ready for this.  Especially as we are not yet permanently together yet.  If I had it done now, it would probably please Lxxxxx but it isn’t going to get us together any more quickly.  Really I want to have it done, obviously with Lxxxxx next to me, and knowing that I am then with him for good.  He says that the other slave will also be pierced through the nipples.  I am not so much worried about the other slave, because if she is a ‘proper’ slave, then this is to be expected.  But I do sometimes worry about the whole situation.  It is still so new for me.

As I continued to fuck myself in the ass, he told me how he will pee on me, in my cunt, in my mouth.  He wants to see it running out of my mouth, and down my body.  And he wants to see me put my mouth to another slave’s cunt and take her pee.  He says that I will taste his pee every day.  Then he wanted me to beg for his cum.  I did beg, and I will beg in real life.  I want to taste his cum so much.  When he did cum, it was wonderful.  Again I felt myself go a little, and I could almost imagine his cum shooting into my mouth.

After we hung up, I practically collapsed on the floor.  I couldn’t move for a couple of minutes.  Then I got myself up and went to the bathroom to wash myself.  I could still feel the vibrators in my ass and cunt.  I then went back to bed, and rested for a while.  I think I did go off to sleep for a while.  When I got up, I did some jobs around the house.  I have put down some weed killer in the front and back of the house.  I then went to work for about an hour.  Mainly though, I wanted to photocopy the Canadian application forms.  All the time, I was thinking about Lxxxxx, and waiting to phone him.

I phoned him at 7.00 am his time.  I said to him that I found this morning a bit intense, and he said that’s how sessions are sometimes.  More intense, to make them different from normal life.  I know this, and I know that he wants to push me further and further.  I’m not freaking out over this.  I don’t want him to think that.  But he knows that I still have some hang-ups about this.  Yes I do have hang-ups about the piercing, the tattooing, the other slave.  But I think the main hang up is the whole thing.  Maybe in the past I have got too wrapped up with the ‘slave’ thing.  I have to get over the idea that being a slave is somehow wrong.  Lxxxxx says whatever I call it, whatever I want to call myself – Cxxxxx, BBC, part-time slave, I am still his slave.  He reminded me that he wants a slave, not a part-time submissive, and that if I am to be part of his life, then I will live according to his needs and wants.  Even if I am his so-called part –time slave, I will still be pierced and tattooed.  My only hope regarding this is that there are things that I have already done, or am prepared to do, which I thought I never would be able to do.  Hopefully it will be the same regarding the piercing and tattooing.  I said to Lxxxxx that I am not ready for it yet, and he says that he knows that.  That is why he is ensuring that my transformation is done bit by bit.  And maybe this is working for me, without my realising it.  Although I probably don’t call myself his slave outside of a session, I am in fact his slave.  Because I think of him all the time, and do things for him, such as getting his paint and making sure that we have everything else we need, and finding places where I think he may like to go.  And I do take pleasure in doing these things.

I know that my pussy was getting wet.  He asked me whether I wanted to masturbate.  For a second, I didn’t know what to say, because I am getting so used to taking direction from him.  He said to put 2 fingers inside my cunt, and to then lick them so he could hear.  He asked me how it tasted, and to think about tasting another slave.  I must admit this does turn me on, knowing that it will turn him on too. 

After we hung up I started to masturbate.  I was laying on my stomach with my fingers in between my cunt, so that I could rub myself on them, up and down.  Because I am so used to masturbating using an object, it is harder to reach that point where I begin to lose myself in my fantasies.  But eventually it did start to happen.  As I have said before, the things I fear the most are often the things which bring me to orgasm.  I was fantasising about how each morning, I will kneel before my Master.  He will then place my collar around my neck, and it will be locked in place.  He will then lock the rings on my pussy lips.  I will then thank my Master, get down into my submission position and say my oath to him.  Imagining this did give me an orgasm.  Not as intense as it can be, but still an orgasm.  At the time I had my right hand so that I could rub my cunt on it, and my left hand was behind me.  I had a finger just inside the opening of my anus.  And I applied gentle but constant pressure there.  I think I had the orgasm because of the fantasy, but also because of the constant pressure on my anus and cunt, and I had been able to detach myself from my fingers – as if they weren’t my fingers. 

Afterwards I came downstairs to continue working on my diary.  While I am writing this, I am going to be drinking water.  I want to practice being a fountain for my Master.  I will drink water, and hold myself for longer than normal, and then go up to the bathroom, get into the bath and see what nice positions I can get into and pee, so that it looks visually pleasing for him.

I know that I do disappoint my Master sometimes.  The one thing that I know that I have not done properly is working on the immigration.   He told me I am very lackadaisical! I am trying to make amends now.  I am in a place to start putting together the Canadian application.  The US application procedure is still confusing though.  As Lxxxxx says, I need to do this now, as it’s not going to happen over night, and in the meantime we are wasting time.  I think my main problem is that I have been worried about the relationship and how that is going to turn out, whereas I could have been making progress with the immigration regardless of that.

I did go and pee in the bath.  It was a strange feeling – more emotional than I expected, and would probably be more so if Lxxxxx had been here.  I raised my ass right in the air, and supported myself with my arms.  When I started to pee, it first of all shot out, and came over my face.  Then I controlled it more and it flowed down my body, over my stomach.  But I am feeling a little bit emotional at the moment, and doing this made me more so.

I have just read an e-mail from Lxxxxx.  I am upsetting him, because I am delaying things and because of my uncertainties. My Master said I’m like a metronomes, swinging back and forth I am a slave I want this, I am not a slave,  I do not want this! Which is it ?

I know I have progressed, but maybe the progress is too slow.  But still I haven’t progressed far enough to feel comfortable yet with things.  Lxxxxx says just to relax and see what happens.  That’s all I can do.  What worries me is that after I had visited Lxxxxx in Xxxxxxx we agreed that M/s wasn’t going to work for me, and that we would find something that would work for both of us, and the Lxxxxx would have another total slave.  But Lxxxxx still sees me as his slave.  What I don’t seem to be able to do, and have never been able to do, is give up that control.  Whatever I do, whatever I may want in my fantasies, I am still holding on.  The only way I am going to get over this is by being with him.  So I am going to just have to go for it, and as Lxxxxx says, see what happens, and deal with things as they happen.

When I went to bed, I read the booklet sent with the Canadian immigration papers.  I was still awake when Lxxxxx phoned me.  He had seen my reply to his e-mail.  I think that both of us are rather emotional right now.  And Lxxxxx has it much worse, because he has been going through this now for over 2 years.  He just wants someone who is going to give some stability to his life, and he wants to know where he is headed now in his life – is it going to be Florida, Canada, or where?  He says that he is not directly annoyed with me, but I don’t help the situation sometimes. 

After we hung up, I still didn’t feel like masturbating, but I knew that I should.  So it did.  I laid on my back with my legs up, and started to stroke my clit.  Afterwards I fell asleep – still naked.

Monday, May 6

May Day holiday from work.  I woke up at around 8.00 am.  My bedside table lamp was still on and I was still naked from last night.  My morning masturbation session was much more successful than last night.  I was able to get into some good fantasies.  I laid on my back, with my legs spread and knees up.  I didn’t touch myself right away, but imagined that my Master was directing my actions.  I was to masturbate for his pleasure, and only touch myself where and when he said.  I imagined him telling me to touch my clit, and then I touched it, and then when he said to rub my fingers against my pussy lips, I did that.  I then laid on my stomach, with my fingers pressings against my clit.  I imagined my Master telling me to ‘show’ myself for him.  I imagined getting down on the floor, face down, ass up, legs spread.  Then reaching back and holding my pussy lips open for him, and remaining like that.  My Master left me like that for a while, then put his fingers inside to see how wet His cunt was, to see if it was ready for fucking.  Then at one stage I imagined being in the same position, but another slave was parting my pussy lips, so that my Master could see.  This made me really wet.  It is a bit humiliating to be in this position anyway, but to have someone else parting my pussy lips for my Master to see, would be even more so.  Although I didn’t have an orgasm, I did get very aroused.

In the afternoon, I phoned Lxxxxx.  Because I was at home, I undressed before phoning him.  He has said many times that I should be naked when I talk to him, unless I am outside.  It was nice talking with him, although he wasn’t feeling too good.  I do hope that when he gets here, he will be able to relax.  The best thing that I can do for him, is to relax myself.  I will be able to look after him – run a bath for him whenever he wants, give him a nice massage whenever he wants.  I think I am finally getting into the right frame of mind.  All I need to do is be whatever he needs me to be at the time, and some of the time he will need me to be his slave, and at other times he will need me to be his lover or his friend or his butterfly.  But it really all amounts to the same thing.

After we hung up, I laid in bed for a while.  I felt a little guilty masturbating, because Lxxxxx wasn’t feeling too good.  But I know that he does want me to masturbate 3 times a day.  As I laid on my back I started just to rub my pussy against the sheets, and as I started to think about Lxxxxx I started to get wet.  The longer I refrain from touching myself, the better.  Again I imagined my Master telling me that I cannot touch myself until he says so.  I imagined him telling me that my cunt belongs to him, and that he will have it pierced and locked up so that he can own it completely. 

Although I am not emotionally ready for this yet, I can visualise it.  I have shaved this evening, and the skin is very smooth, and the pussy lips are completely free of hair.  I can imagine the rings through the lips, and the rings held together with tiny padlocks.  I would be able to feel them all the time, and know that my cunt belongs to him.  I know that whatever I am to Lxxxxx, whether it is his lover, slave, part-time slave, I am going to be pierced.  I have to get used to the idea.  Looking at pictures and reading stories on the internet will help.  When I am finally with him, it will not be such a big thing as it seems now. 

When I talked with Lxxxxx this evening (1.00 pm for him), he was still feeling tired.  Although we should have been going to Canada together, he is looking forward to coming here.  I am so looking forward to it too.  With only 3 sleeps left, I will have to make sure I get plenty of sleep, so that I am at my best for him.

Tuesday, May 7

I woke up early morning, dreaming that my Master was waking me, ordering me to masturbate for him.  Just this thought made me wet, and I did touch myself, and place my hand so that I could rub my cunt against it.  Later on though my Master did phone.  It must have been around 6.30 am.  I was dreaming of him at the time.  He said to get into my position.  I got down on the floor and said my oath to him.  He then said to raise my ass in the air and to spread my legs wide.  Then to put my fingers inside my cunt.  He then said to imagine another slave in this position, and while my Master was fucking her I would lay with my mouth under her cunt, and suck my Master’s balls.  And then when he came, he would come over her cunt, but would also cum over me, and I would be able to taste him.  Soon he will be able to have me ass in the air for real. 

Afterwards I was unable to move for a second or two.  I went to the bathroom, then collapsed back on the bed.  I really should have stayed awake, but I fell asleep, naked.  I think I was dreaming again, and woke up again at around 8.00 am.  I had to get up then.

At lunchtime I was stuck in a meeting, so had to phone Lxxxxx from outside.  It was nice to hear him.  He wasn’t feeling too bad.  I know he is a bit stressed at the moment.  He sent me an e-mail yesterday, saying that he is getting a bit hyper before his visit.  I know what he means.  I’m the same.  I sometimes almost have to catch my breath when I think that in a matter of hours he will be here.  I think it is now 40 hours and the plane should have landed.  But everything will be OK once we are together.

When I left work, I went to check on the paint.  Unfortunately the range of colours in these water based paints is not so vast.  But I have got another green paint, so hopefully he will have a sufficient range of colours.  I then went to get my lipstick.  I quite enjoyed telling the assistants that I wanted a good stay-on lipstick in red for a special occasion.  I have got one.  I hope it will be OK.  I should look good on Thursday – wearing black, with red lips, and light blond hair.

When I got home, I went upstairs for my second session.  I laid on my stomach, and started to imagine that my Master was waking me during the night, telling me to get out of bed and to get into the ‘show’ position.  I got down on the floor, at his side of the bed, face down, ass up, and spread my legs wide, so that my Master could see His cunt.  He had me stay like that for a while, and then he leaned over to feel His cunt to see how wet it was.  He then had me kneel by the bed and suck his cock until he came.  With the taste of his cum in my mouth he let me get back into bed, happy that I had pleased my Master.  As I imagined this, I was getting very wet.  The thought of just positioned myself like that for him, really turns me on.  Afterwards I got out of bed, and got down on the floor and said my oath to him.

After that I had a bath.  I was looking at my pussy, imagining it being pierced.  I do have many hang-ups about this.  But I’m not going to get upset about it, or let it spoil things, so I just told myself to forget about it for now.  And anyway I used to feel uncomfortable about shaving, but I actually like it now.  On that subject, my skin is much better now, but there is still some sensitivity.  But I am using moisturizer there, morning and night, and using plenty of moisturizer all over every night. 

I went up to bed at around 10.30 so I could get a good sleep.  But first I masturbated.  I was thinking about being with my Master soon, being there for him day or night. 

I had fallen asleep when Lxxxxx phoned me at 1.00 am.  It was so nice to hear him.  Very soon he will be here.

Thursday, May 9

The day has finally arrived.   I woke up at 7.00.  It was a strange feeling.  I could hardly believe that I would be seeing Lxxxxx in a matter of hours.  I had a bath, had a good shave and did my finger nails (toe nails were already done).  Then got ready and left home at just after 900 am.  I had a good trip down.  I kept thinking – only a couple of hours to go now.  When I’d got the car parked at Gatwick, I undressed, put on my coat and shoes, checked my lipstick, and went to the terminal.  I felt a bit conspicuous dressed the way I was.  I wonder if that coat is see through in a certain light ?  Again the wait was a bit nerve racking

The plane had landed at 12.17, and at around 12.55 I was with Lxxxxx, my Master.  I did feel a lot different to when I was meeting him last time.  We hugged and then went to the car.  He said I looked really good and he slid his hand inside my coat to feel me between my legs.  I think he was pleased.  He took a picture of me standing by the car, holding my coat open.  We had a good drive home.  He touched me between the legs for a while.  It was nice but I should remember that it is me who is giving him pleasure.  And I truly did feel like that.  My legs, cunt, and breasts were available for him at any time. 

When we got back and unpacked, etc, I didn’t really know what he would want.  I wondered if he would want me to get down and submit to him.  But what he did want was for me to take off my coat so he could look at me, and for me to then get down and suck his cock.  But then he took me upstairs to the bedroom.  He told me to get on the bed, legs spread, face down, and he fucked me like that.  He then turned me over, and with my legs up, he fucked me in the ass.  I didn’t offer any resistance.  He then washed his cock and had me suck him.  It was lovely when he came.  He said that I had been good, and that I deserved my reward.  I thanked him. 

We had fish and chips for dinner, and afterwards we went upstairs, and listened to one of the CDs which I had got for Lxxxxx.  He then started to touch me, and told me to get undressed.  He asked me how we were doing regards getting another woman.  I said that nothing had happened yet.  He said that it is because I left it too late.  And I know. 

Putting things off is probably my major fault.  He said that he should teach me a lesson.  I really didn’t know what he might do.  All I know is that if ever he says something like that, I’ll just have to take whatever comes.  He had me lick his toes while he played with my ass and cunt.  He really had complete availability to both – to penetrate them as he wished.  He told me to remember that this cunt belongs to him.  And it really did feel like it did.  When he stopped playing with it, and I was still sucking his toes, I had a sudden rush, knowing that I was displaying His cunt for him, and that he was probably just looking at it. I felt quite vulnerable.

Afterwards we had a lovely long bath together.  Although he was tired, I think he was starting to relax a little.  Me too.  I am a lot more relaxed than last time.  But still when I am with Lxxxxx everything is different.  I do feel different when I’m with him, and I behave differently.  Afterwards I gave him a nice massage.  He said that he has missed my massages, and I had missed giving them too.  I do take pleasure in massaging him, because I know he enjoys it.  As I started to massage his cock, it started to get erect.  He had me sit on him, and grind my cunt into his cock.  He then had me bark.  Usually when he wants me to do this, I do it, and although I’ve improved, I am very aware of myself.  But as I want on fucking his cock, and barking, for a couple of seconds I really did lose myself.  It was an incredible feeling.  I got so hot, and “high”, and had worked up such a sweat.  Finally we settled down to sleep.

Friday, May 10

I don’t know for sure how many hours we slept, but at around 5.00 ish, Lxxxxx woke up.  He woke up with an erection, and pushed himself deep into my cunt.  He fucked me good and hard, with my legs up high, so he could fuck me deep.  He then had me suck him.  And I sucked him for about 15 minutes.  It was lovely.  After 10 minutes he kicked me out of bed saying “go to work bitch” (not meant in a derogatory way), then he rolled over and went back to sleep!

It was a strange feeling at work knowing that Lxxxxx was at home.  Usually I am imagining him at his home in Xxxxxx.  I got back just after 12.30, and we had something to eat, then went to Xxxxxxxxx.  My attempt to find an optician who could do Lxxxxx’s Nikon glasses had failed.  I was beginning to feel disappointed that I hadn’t been able to do this.  Then just as we were going to leave town, we tried another place, and they could do it.  Not exactly the ones he wanted, but better than the other places.

We then went to Xxxxxxx to get some more paint, then did some shopping for dinner.  When we got back, we ate pizza, and had our special dessert – blackberries, with raspberries too this time, avocado and cream.  Though I didn’t have any suitable alcohol to put on it. 

Lxxxxx had a quick look at the slave training manual, while I looked at the books which he had brought for me.  We then planned the evening. Lxxxxx wanted to take some photos outside when it got darker.  Because the garden has now lost some of its privacy, we decided to wait until about 22.45.

I think I am definitely more relaxed than last time.  It is still different being with Lxxxxx, but some things are becoming more natural now.  I know that Lxxxxx is still tired, but hopefully he is starting to relax too.  I know that my attitude, etc, will determine to some extent how he is with me. 

We took the photographs outside by the gate.  I was naked standing in front of the gate, wearing my collar and leash, with my hands through the bars and handcuffed.  Although there was still some traffic around, I wasn’t really bothered. 

Then we went to bed.  Fucked like rabbits (according to Lxxxxx).  Then I gave him a massage.

Saturday, May 11

Woke up about 6.00 am, and I got fucked.  It was a nice sunny morning.  As I finished getting ready, Lxxxxx went to post some cards.

We set off to Xxxxxxxx at around 8.15 am.  We took a detour to Conway, Wales, and had a look around the castle.  We took some scenic photos, and bought a ceramic cup for Lxxxxx, also a flag, and some books about castles in Wales.  He bought some post cards and a couple of t-shirts.  We had lunch at a place in Conway.  We had egg and bacon.  “Sunny side up” is not known around here!!!  The service sucked and the food was just adequate.  We had seen another castle on the way in (a more derelict one) but couldn’t find it on the way back.  Too bad.

We arrived at mum and dads at about 2.30 pm.  We had some cake, tea, and exchanged some small gifts.  Dad got a plane we bought in Arizona, and mum got some booklets about Arizona’s desserts and wildlife.  Mum and dad gave Lxxxxx a limited edition plate with a picture of Castle Xxxxx on it.  After taking some photos outside by the car, we left, and drove up to Castle Xxxxx.

We found it and walked up, although we could have driven up all the way, upon which Lxxxxx commented!  He took some photos of horses, and their asses, before our climb to the zenith of the hill.  From here we decided to go home.  Well that was the plan, but plans change, as I know too well, as we ended up in Nottingham, looking for the castle, as Lxxxxx insisted that there had to be one!  As usual he was correct!  But by the time we found it, it was closed, but we could still walk inside the walls, so we did. Lxxxxx had me take some digital photos, but I was too nervous and upset, and pissed Lxxxxx off!  The digital photos of him were a disaster!!  I get so upset, because I feel so inadequate, and then I get more upset.  I was almost crying.  I think it was because I was really tired, plus tense.  In fact as we were walking up the path earlier, when Lxxxxx went to take a piss, I had to lean against the wall because I felt so weak.  Actually we were both tired and hungry by this time, and started to look for a place to eat! Again this sounded easier but in reality it was very difficult, only pubs and no food.  We finally found a place near Derby.  Lxxxxx wanted roast beef but they had just ran out and he settled for prime rib while I has some salmon.  Food was OK, service lousy.  We left very disappointed and without leaving any tip!

Finally we got home, and since it was late and relatively a nice evening, it did not rain, we went to the graveyard that I thought of and wanted to show Lxxxxx , as he told me to find something with old stone crosses and near a church.  So we drove up to Xxxxxx.

Lxxxxx ordered me to strip naked by the church door and he handcuffed me, as he took photos of me in the doorway.  We couldn’t take any photos by the crosses, because it was too dark and hazardous without any flashlight, torches, as we say in England.  It was a very sound idea.  We drove home committed devilish sins, and felt good in doing so!

We then went to bed.  I massaged my Master’s cock, and then he fucked me, and then I sucked him.  He also let me massage his neck, back and feet.  It was so lovely massaging his feet.  Again I got that special “high”.

Sunday, May 12

Another sunny day, and another beautiful fuck.  After my Master had fucked me, I sucked on his cock for a while.  He then allowed me to suck his feet for a while.

After breakfast we went up to the graveyard at the church at Xxxxxx to have a look around for a suitable photo location for that night.  We then drove directly to Warwick Castle.  It didn’t take too long to get there.  The traffic was light.  Lxxxxx relaxed and shut his eyes for a while.  We got there OK, and parked the car.  The entrance fee was £13 which was a bit steep.  We had a good look around, and Lxxxxx took some photos, but I personally was a bit disappointed.  Although the setting is lovely, Warwick Castle has been over commercialised.  It is not the same as Conway Castle which has retained some of its charm and character.  Nevertheless we enjoyed ourselves.  Climbing up onto the ramparts was good, and the views were impressive.

When we left, we decided to have lunch at home.  After getting back to Xxxxxxxx, we went food shopping, and got some salmon for lunch.  We also went to B&Q and bought a torch (in preparation for the night-time activities which we had got planned).

After lunch, we planned our afternoon.  We would drive out to some of the nearby castle ruins which I had found.  The first one we headed for was Horton Castle.  It was easy enough to get to the general area, but the last 5 miles or so are always difficult.  Eventually we came up on the castle. Lxxxxx spotted it first.  The castle itself was lovely.  It stood on a small mound, and the 4 walls were pretty much still intact.  But it seemed that access was restricted.  We hung around the area for a while, wondering if we should climb over the barbed wire or not.  It would have been easy enough.  But still, we would have been seen from every angle.  The village itself was fairly deserted – like something from the twilight zone.  Lxxxxx even tried to get somebody’s attention from a nearby house to ask if it was alright to go up to the castle.  Then a chap came riding by on a bicycle, and we called out to him.  He almost feel off.  Lxxxxx began talking to him, saying that we wanted to get up to the castle.  The chap asked if he knew anything about the history of the place, and he began to tell us something of it’s past.  I don’t know if he thought we were up to no good or what, but I bet we were the talk of the village the next day!!!!   Anyway, we decided to leave it, and we drove to Clun Castle.  This would have been OK, but was not secluded enough.  We did think about coming back though some evening, when it was dark.  We also drove to Bishops Castle, but this turned out to be more of a church.  On the way home, we stopped at Stokesay Castle.  I thought that Lxxxxx would like to take some photos, because I knew the buildings were nice.  We had a walk through the church yard, and Lxxxxx took some photos of the manor house.

We then came home, and had something to eat.  We watched some of The Exorcist.  I don’t think this movie is as scary as I thought.  Although we were a bit tired, we still decided to go up to the church yard that night.

It was spooky, especially having watched some of the movie earlier.  We made for the cross which Lxxxxx had decided upon in the morning.  The torch was certainly useful.  He then ordered me to undress, and stand against the cross.  He put my collar on me, and wrapped the chain around me, through the rings on the collar, and around the cross.  I then held a lighted candle, with my arms outstretched.  He took several photos, some with the digital, and some with the 35mm which contained B&W film.  He said that it was difficult, almost impossible, to tell what he was taking with the normal camera.  After taking photos he fucked me hard in my wet pussy while I was bent over a grave.

We then drove home, feeling high from what we had just done!!!!

Monday, May 13

Lxxxxx fucked me in the morning, and then I got up and got ready for work.  Before going to work, I went to the florist to get some roses for Lxxxxx to paint.  I got 3 nice red roses. 

When I got home, Lxxxxx had basically completed the painting of the roses, apart from some of the detail, and had started one of Clun castle.  We had dinner and watched some TV.  Then we watched the end of The Exorcist.  It’s not that scary at all. 

I’m feeling a bit tense at the moment, but it’s not too bad.  But things are different with Lxxxxx .  There is no getting away from it.  I probably worry too much about doing something wrong.

We had a nice bath together.  We talked for a while, and then I washed him.  He let me wash his feet first, as he knows how much I love doing that.  Then he had me stand up so that he could wash my legs and in between my legs.  Since Lxxxxx has been here, I have shaved each morning.  I think that has pleased him.  As he slid his hand between my legs he said that he thought my pussy ought to be penetrated with something tonight.  Then we went to bed.  Lxxxxx had me get into the face down position on the bed, and then to hold my pussy lips and ‘present’ myself for him.  He took a photograph.  Then he had me lay on my back with legs slightly apart and to raise my ass and present myself that way.  Again he took a photograph.  He then sucked on my cunt, and fingered it.  Then pushed his cock in my mouth, and then got on top of me and licked my cunt while I sucked on his cock.  At one point he put his cock right down my throat.  He came as I was licking his balls.  I licked up all his cum and thanked him.

Afterwards I gave him a massage.  Again I enjoyed massaging his feet.  But I do try to concentrate on the massage that I am giving.  Then we settled down to go to sleep.

Tuesday, May 14

I didn’t sleep too well.  I don’t think I was so tired when we went to bed.  During the early morning, I was having some dreams and must have woken suddenly.  I remember one dream.  For some reason I was talking to Xxxxxx (Lxxxxx ’s ex he was with 6 years) on the phone, and I remember quite clearly saying to her, Lxxxxx is here – do you want to talk with him?  After that I didn’t really sleep too much.  At one point Lxxxxx had his leg across me, and I couldn’t move.  I was laying on my back, and then it started to turn me on – because of the inability to move.  But then I did fall asleep for a while, and woke up again at 6.00 am when the alarm went off.  We laid in bed together for a while, then Lxxxxx had me suck his cock.  Although I was tired it only took a couple of minutes to start to get into it.  Then he fucked me.  I was probably already a little bit wet from during the early morning, and it didn’t take too long for my pussy to get nice and juicy.  Then I sucked his balls while he stroked his cock, and I nuzzled my face in between his legs.  But he didn’t come.  But he said, maybe tonight …..

I phoned Lxxxxx at around 1.15 pm.  After finishing work, I did some food shopping, and then came home.  We had dinner, and then Lxxxxx did some more painting while I saw to the laundry, etc.  I searched for some other castles to visit.  Lxxxxx completed the first painting of the roses and started another one, and he gave this to me too, my second painting of the roses.

We have had a reply to our ad in the paper – but it is from a guy. 

Later I ran a bath for us, and came downstairs to see if Lxxxxx was ready.  He was sat on the sofa, and I sat at his feet and kissed the area around his cock, and he said if that’s what I want then here it is, and he took off his jeans and I started to suck him.  He had me stroke his cock and going up and down on it with my mouth.  Then he had me suck his balls, and then when he was about to cum, he told me to put my mouth over his cock.  It was lovely feeling his cum shoot into my mouth.  I licked his cock and thanked him.  We then had a bath together. We had a bit of talk I was wondering why was he so nice to me? I expected him to be more stern. Lxxxxx said that it was for my own good,  I have to feel comfortable with him in everyday settings. M/s is not about being abused, it is about unconditional submission, and taking pleasure from that, whatever the activity was.  I washed him.  Again he let me wash his feet.  Then I gave him a massage, and we settled to go to sleep.

Wednesday, May 15

Lxxxxx has been here almost a week now.  The time is going fast already.  It is really good that he is staying almost 2 ½ weeks this time.  I slept better last night.  We woke up at around 7.00.  A little later we got up, washed, had breakfast, and then got ready to go out.

We drove to Castle ?? Bram, near Llangollen.  It took a while to find the place, but it was well worth it.  We parked the car as near to the castle as possible, and then walked up the hill.  It was very blustery at the top.  The castle remains were interesting, and there were several arches that would be suitable for photography.  There was a gate, but there was some rubbish stashed behind it, so that was no good.  We had a walk around, and then Lxxxxx chose which arch he was going to use. 

I started to undress, and was naked when suddenly a chap strolled by.  He seemed to come from nowhere, and the first thing that I was aware of was seeing him turning around and making a hasty retreat.  When he had gone, I stood under the arch wearing my collar and leash, with my arms up. Lxxxxx took several photos like that.  He then put handcuffs on me, and took some photos like that.  

Lxxxxx had a piss, and I did too.  He took a couple of photos of me.

I then got dressed, but just as I had done so, Lxxxxx had another idea.  He wanted to hang the chain from the arch, and wrap the end around my wrists.  He started to do this, and finally just as we had got the chain in the right place, another chap came strolling by.  He walked over to the far end of the castle, and sat down, in full view of us.  Typical!  He didn’t look like he was going to move, but Lxxxxx wasn’t going to be defeated.  So Lxxxxx sat on top of the arch (freezing his nuts off – his words!) and I hung around, and we waited for this guy to eat his sandwiches and check his map, and finally he got up and disappeared out of sight.  Then Lxxxxx got on with setting up the chain.  I could see that this guy was looking back at us, obviously wondering what the heck was going on.  I then got undressed again, and wearing my collar, Lxxxxx wrapped the end of the chain, fairly tightly, around my wrists.  He took several photos of me stood like this.  We then got our things together and walked back to the car.  It had been fun.

We then visited Whittington Castle.  Again, with our luck, just as we arrived in the car park, another couple arrived and started wandering around.  Had the castle not been so close to the road, it would have made an ideal location for a few kinky photos.  But still, it was a nice place.  Ducks and swans and all.  We then decided to have lunch at the place next door.  But with our luck, something had to go wrong.  The place inside was nice enough, but the service was lousy.  The food took around an hour to arrive.  But when it finally did arrive, it was OK.

Then we drove home.  After dinner we got packed up for London, and tidied up the place a little (The Landlord was bringing some prospective buyers to view the house on Thursday).

Lxxxxx let me kiss and suck his toes and feet.  I really do get a high from this.  I never knew how much I could enjoy this.  Of course, it is because it’s Lxxxxx ’s feet that I’m kissing, but he does have such beautiful feet.  It’s hard to explain the feeling, other than saying that I can feel myself letting go, and then I feel that special “high”, and I just want to go on kissing, and licking and worshipping my Master’s feet.

Saturday, May 18

We stopped south of Xxxxxxxx and phoned the optician to see if Lxxxxx ’s glasses were ready.  And they were, so we headed for town.  First we went to the optician.  I was only hoping that with everything that had been going wrong lately, Lxxxxx ’s glasses would be OK.  When we got to the optician, and the assistant fetched them, I could see the authentication certificate and knew that that was a good sign.  And when Lxxxxx said that the glasses were OK, I was really pleased. 

We then had some lunch at Hudson’s sandwich bar.  My Master had salmon with avocado, and peach juice.  Then went to get some more canvas and paint.  Then left town, and drove to Safeway to get food for dinner for tonight and Sunday. 

We had salmon and potatoes for dinner.  This is getting to be one of our special meals now.  This is the third time already.  And each time it is really good.  I’m always pleased when Lxxxxx enjoys his meal.  We had the 19 year old Tokaji Aszu #5 wine too.  It was really dark and very strong.

After dinner we rested a while, and then Lxxxxx told me to get undressed.  That didn’t take long, because all I was wearing were leggings and a T-shirt.  Since Lxxxxx has been here, I have hardly worn any underwear (only when I have been at work).  He had me suck on his cock, and then on his balls and anus.  I love pushing my face into ass, and just licking him.  He said that this is where I belong, on the floor by his feet, licking him.  Then when he was ready to cum, he had me put my mouth towards his cock.  It was lovely feeling his cum shoot into my mouth.

Afterwards he had me serve him as a footrest.  And then just like my fantasy he had me go and get him a drink, come back, and resume the same position.  When he is dominating me like this, it makes me feel even more submissive.  He placed the glass on my back, telling me not to move, because if I move, it is going to fall off.  He didn’t have me do this for very long – so I didn’t really have chance to get into it.  Nevertheless, for the 10 minutes or so, I really did feel that the only thing that mattered at that time was remaining as still as possible in that position.  I can imagine that when doing something like this, it is very easy to lose track of time.  I wonder if he is going to use me as a table again? 

He then had me suck his cock again.  I put my mouth to his cock and began to suck him gently.  When we went to bed, I gave him a massage, and then he passed out (Lxxxxx ’s words).

Sunday, May 19

We slept in a little longer than usual this morning.  I woke up, and then a couple of minutes later could feel Lxxxxx wrapping himself around me.  Then he eased my head down towards his cock, and I began to suck on it.  When it was really hard, he got me on my back and penetrated me.  At one point he was fucking me really deep and hard, and fast.  Then he had me suck him some more.  While he stroked his cock, I sucked his balls and licked his anus.  He then let me suck his toes, and while I did this, he fucked me with the other.  I knew that my pussy was really wet.  He then had me suck the foot that he’d had inside my cunt, and I could taste the pussy juice. 

We then had a nice long bath together.  Lxxxxx talked about some of the potential slaves whom he had met.  We then had breakfast, and got ready to go out.  We left home at around 12.15 and drove to Xxxxxxxxxx to go to this Fetish Market.  It was interesting seeing all the gear, but we were both disappointed.  We both expected it to be bigger.  The funniest thing was when we looked at the books, we saw 2 (yes 2!!!) copies of the Slave Training Manual, at £5.  Couldn’t believe it.  We got one, and Lxxxxx says he can sell it over the internet, and make some money on it.  I got a book on Sado-masochism.  We looked at corsets, and although they didn’t have black in my colour, I was going to try one on, but it was taking for ages, so in the end we didn’t bother.  We left there, not very impressed, and drove home. 

We stopped off at the park in Xxxxxxx for a while.  Lxxxxx took some photos.  He then fancied getting a little kinky, and we drove up towards Xxxxxxx looking for a quiet lane or somewhere.  Couldn’t really find anywhere suitable, so we headed for the church. Lxxxxx took some really nice photos of me wearing my jeans, boots and his leather jacket.  He said I looked good in leather.

Later on the evening he turned another of my fantasies into reality. We went to the bathroom I got into the tub, and became his fountain. After that he pissed in my mouth and all over my breasts. I loved the taste ,and rubbing his pee into my skin. It’s hard to explain the feeling, other than saying that I can feel myself letting go, and then I feel that special “high”.  I lost tack of time… eventually he told me to wash myself clean.

Monday, May 20

Work this morning.  Lxxxxx kicked me out of bed just after 6.00 am.  In the morning, I shaved and washed my hair.  I am pleased about the fact that I am keeping myself shaved.

I missed Lxxxxx during the day, and when I was driving home, I was really looking forward to seeing him.

We had pasta for dinner.  Then Lxxxxx asked what was for dessert.  As we were out of fruit, we went to the Spar for some ice-cream (I scream, you scream, etc ….).  But their choice was lousy, so we went to Safeway, and came back with some frozen yogurt.  We had that with some berries.

As there was nothing much on TV, we watched Eyes Wide Shut.  As we watched the film I started to think about sucking him.  I really did want to suck either his cock or his feet.  Then Lxxxxx said that he was feeling sleepy, and I asked if he wanted to make himself more comfortable.  He said that if I took off his socks, jeans and pants, then he would feel more comfortable.  I did this, then started to suck his cock.  He held his cock and put it deep inside my mouth.  With my mouth open like this, and his cock deep inside, I really did feel like I was being used.  And when I feel like this, I get more and more submissive.  I then licked his balls, and then his ass.  He has noticed that I enjoy licking his anus.  This is another thing that I never really imagined that I would enjoy so much.  It’s the same as tasting his pee, or sucking on his toes – it gives me a “high”.  Probably because it is a little degrading.  As I continued to lick his anus he stroked his cock until he was ready to cum, and then he told me to put my mouth over his cock, so that I could have my reward.  I thanked him.

Afterwards I settled myself at his feet, and kissed his cock and balls a little.  Then I laid on the floor between his legs, and he put his feet on me – on my breasts.  This turned me on, and my already wet pussy was getting wetter.  I love the fact that doing something like this is so natural to him.  Other people would feel awkward doing this, or using someone in this way.  And it is beginning to feel natural for me too.  Even though I don’t call myself his slave, I do sometimes feel like his slave – happy that my Master is resting his feet on me.

When we went up to bed, I felt my pussy.  It was so very wet, and the pussy lips were so full.  Lxxxxx was sleepy, and so we settled down to go to sleep.

Tuesday, May 21

When I came home from work we had fish and chips for dinner. 

We started to watch the film – Terminator.  After 15 minutes or so, Lxxxxx said to give him a foot massage.  Still sitting on the sofa, I started to massage his foot with my hands.  He said that my tongue would be good too.  Before long I was on the floor, really getting into licking, sucking and massaging his foot.  The feeling I get is immense.  It is as though sucking and licking his foot is the most important thing to me at that particular time.  I pretty much completely lose myself in it.  I almost thought I was going to have an orgasm.  In fact I probably did have a kind of orgasm, as I got a “high” several times.  If I were to totally let myself go (maybe I hold back a little because I am conscious of the fact that I am supposed to be giving pleasure and not taking it), then maybe I would have an orgasm, as I do when I masturbate.  I can imagine getting to a “high” and then Lxxxxx controlling it from there, and only being allowed to have an orgasm when he says.  That would be wonderful.

After almost 2 hours of licking and sucking his feet he said it was time for bed.  I thanked him for allowing me to lick his feet so much.  Upstairs I started to give him a massage around his lower back, then his ass, then between his legs, then he rolled over and had me suck his cock.  Then as he stroked his cock, I licked his balls and then his anus.  I can almost lose myself while my face is buried between his legs.  And then, with me on my back, he fucked me, deep.  Then I sucked on his cock some more.  For the last few moments I was laying in between his legs, curled up, with my mouth on his balls, still high from earlier.  I felt like his slave, happy with my mouth on his cock, where it belongs.

Wednesday, May 22

I went to work in the morning.  Again my Master kicked me out of bed just after 6.00 am.  I shaved, washed myself and my hair, had breakfast and got ready for work.  I was at work before 8.00 am.  The next 4 hours passed fairly quickly as I was trying to get 2 important jobs finished and dealing with other things which came along.  I got everything done, and left work around 12.20.  It was so nice to come home.

We relaxed for a while, then Lxxxxx phoned the optician to see what was going on with his sunglasses.  The woman said that she has the sample lens, so Lxxxxx said we would come over to see it.  So we got ready to go out.  I love the spontaneity of things with Lxxxxx .  It was like when we went out in the evening in Xxxxxx to get a swimming costume for me – although we didn’t actually get around to using it in Las Vegas, but that’s not the point.  We went straight to the optician, and Lxxxxx was happy with the colour of the lens.  It had a green tint to it.  He said that he needs all the green he can get in Arizona.  I bet this optician has never had a customer like Lxxxxx before.  The glasses should be ready in about 8 working days, so that will be the first week in June.  When I collect them, Lxxxxx has shown me what to do to get them sent by FedEx. 

After that we went to look at frames for the paintings. We talked about where we could live once again. Lxxxxx made it very clear Canada was the most suitable option. I didn’t really like the city where he lived and worked, too hot, and lacked culture.  He understood this, he wasn’t thrilled either, but an incident put him there.  He was willing to sell his house and to be with me Canada, but not before I legally immigrated to Canada. He could not sponsor me, since he would have to a have a good paying job, which could take some time. Also he sponsored his wife, so immigration would not look at it kindly.  He had a nice house and an OK job. For him to move to the UK was not in the cards. I  lived in a in a small rental cottage, practically with no assets apart from my car and money in the bank.  A lot less to loose. I could get another similar position in case I decided to move back.  For him would had cost a fortune to ship  artwork, books etc over. It would have been much harder to find suitable employment, than for me in Canada or even in the USA perhaps he could sponsor me on his Green Card, but again he did for his ex-wife. It would be a huge mess, even as he divorced her several years ago.  And what would happen to him if I changed my mind after he moved to be with me? Good points.

I had to do what I had to do and get the immigration to Canada rolling. I told him I’m working on it, but that was not exactly the case, as I was not sure still about this slave thing. Perhaps after he left! I knew this would upset him, so I just kept it inside of me for now.

We had salmon and potatoes for dinner, and some of the frozen yogurt and fruit for dessert. 

When we went up to bed, Lxxxxx said to give him a tongue massage, starting with his feet.  I started with one foot and then up his leg, and then on the other foot.  Then my Master said that when I lick him like this, I must always show him my cunt.  So I turned around, continued licking, and he fingered my cunt, reminding me that it belongs to him, and that he can do anything he likes with it. 

Lxxxxx said that tomorrow would be slave day.

Thursday, May 23

I woke up at about 5.30 and went to the loo.  Then came back to bed, and fell asleep again.  Later, I don’t know what time exactly, I woke up, and sensed that Lxxxxx was up.  The next thing I knew was that he was putting my collar on.  He then asked if I wanted to be his slave for the day, and I said yes.  He then said to get down on the floor and to say my oath.  Still in my submission position he said that when he told me to, I was to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and put on my lipstick.  Also he said that if I wanted to use the bathroom I had to ask him, and would only be allowed to do so if he gave his permission.  He then said that I would wear my collar all day, even if it was embarrassing for me.  I hesitated in my reply, and then said that I wasn’t ready to be his slave in public.  After a few moments silence, he said alright.  He then told me to go to the bathroom and do as he had said.

I brushed my teeth, did my lipstick and checked my hair.  Then I went back to the bedroom.  Lxxxxx said to go and get a pair of scissors so that he could cut the rope.  I got the scissors and went back upstairs.  He then had me put on some black stockings, and then he put on the wrist cuffs, gag, and had me lay on my back.  The gag does seem to have a certain effect on me.  When that is in place, the feeling of helplessness is intensified.  I didn’t know what was going to happen or how bad it was going to be, but I was putting myself in his hands totally.  I was feeling a bit frightened, but also getting aroused.  My Master then tied my arms to the bed-head posts, and with my legs spread, he put the ankle cuffs on me and tied my feet to the bed.  The ropes were fairly tight but not too tight.  He then put the blindfold on, and I was completely helpless.  When you are unable to speak or see, (see in particular), sensations are different.  For instance, the peacock feather feels different to how it would if you could see it.

He then told me to relax.  Suddenly I could hear him using the crop – on the bed and could hear the sound it makes in the air.  I didn’t know where it was going to land.  But he didn’t lay any of the strokes on me – not yet at least.  Then came the clamps.  First of all on the pussy lips.  For some reason I find it hard to stand these.  Lxxxxx thinks that they are no worse than the pegs.  Maybe he is right, because when he puts the clamps on, I tense up, and think about the pain too much instead of just letting myself go.  I know that when I have masturbated in the past I have had 4 pegs on each lip, and as I was high and getting towards an orgasm I couldn’t feel the pain at all.  And then after orgasm I am suddenly aware of the acute pain.  I need to start thinking the same way with the clamps.  He didn’t leave them there for long because I was starting to freak out.   Though nowhere as bad as in Las Vegas.  He used the clamps on my nipples too.  I can stand that a little better.  Again, during masturbation, I have inflicted quite a lot of pain on my nipples. 

I could then hear him getting out the chain.  Again, unable to see, gives any sound a lot more impact.  I was wondering what he was going to do with it.  It was hard to tell actually, but after seeing the photographs, he had wrapped it around my body, between my legs, and through the collar rings.  Now tied and chained up, I was even more at his mercy.  I think he then played with his crop and whip on me, but not actually using them.  He stuck the end of the whip in my cunt – I knew that much. 

He then removed the chain, untied my legs from the bottom of the bed, and tied them up to the bed-head posts.  He then used the clamps again on both my pussy lips and nipples.  There was nothing I could do.  More than once I was shaking.  It was a combination of not knowing what was going to happen, plus the fear, and the excitement.  When he untied me, I was still kind of shaking with emotion.  Lxxxxx was really nice to me.  My hands, especially the left one, had become numb, and he rubbed them for me.  He said that I should not pull so much on the ropes, and in general it will be much better for me not to fight against it.  He hugged me, and then we got back under the covers and lay in bed for a while.  He then eased my mouth towards his cock, and I sucked him.  I sucked on his balls too, as he stroked his cock.  But he didn’t come.  Maybe later, he said.

Then I ran a bath for him.  Again he was really nice to me, and as he shaved he said to get in the bath.  Then together in the bath, I washed him.  As I washed him, he asked what there was for breakfast.  He said scrambled eggs would be OK, and that I would serve it to him on a tray, and be his table.  I then washed myself and shaved, put on my stockings and collar, and came downstairs, and made my Master his breakfast.  I took it into the living room on a tray.  I then got down on the floor into the table position, and he put the tray on me.  The feeling was quite something.  I really did feel like I was being used.  I suppose I felt like a slave.  The feeling is one of humiliation, yet it turns me on to be used in this way.  While my Master ate his breakfast I kept still.  When he had finished he then told me to take the tray away.  When I returned, he said to be his foot rest.  Again I enjoyed being used like this.  I don’t know how long exactly he used me like this, but after a while he said to get up, and he let me sit by him. 

My Master then had me suck his cock.  I licked his balls, while he stroked his cock, and then when he was almost about to cum, he let me put my mouth to his cock.  I could feel his cum shoot into my mouth.  Afterwards I sat on the floor by his feet, and gently licked his balls.  He let me suck and lick one of his feet too.  But not for too long! 

Lxxxxx had said that he wanted to go out today and find a secluded spot for some photography.  As the weather wasn’t too bad, we got ready to go out.  I wore a T-shirt, my short black skirt, stockings and my black shoes.  I feel different dressed like this.  Lxxxxx said I looked really nice.  First we drove to the church at Xxxxx.  Lxxxxx said to take off my T-shirt, and to put on his leather jacket and my collar.  He then took some photos of me inside the car.  One with me straddling the gear stick.  We then drove a little further along the road towards Xxxxxxx, turned off down a lane where we found a track and parked the car.  He took some more photos, of me leaning on the car.  Then we came back home, buying some pink roses and raspberries on the way. 

I then prepared lunch.  I wasn’t sure whether he was going to use me as a table again.  But he sat at the dining table.  For my Master, I prepared the salmon and potatoes.  I had some eggs and a few of the potatoes.  Afterwards we rested a while.  My Master had some of the raspberries.

Later we went upstairs to the small bedroom at the front.  My Master wanted to take some photos of me in my slave positions.  We went through the sitting positions, both on a chair and on the floor, the submission position, the present positions (from the back and front).  Then in the table position, my Master placed a tray on me with a small vase with the roses and a glass of wine.  Then in the foot-rest position, he placed his feet on me while taking photographs.  Then the foot worship position, and then he used me as a flower vase.  With my ass in the air, he placed some of the roses in my cunt, and took photographs of me like that.  During this time my pussy was really wet, I was even dripping all over the chair at the start. 

When he had finished, I started to update my diary.  (Even now at 9.00 pm working on my diary for the second time today, I am forgetting the sequence in which we have done things today).  It has felt different today.  Being a slave means obeying without question and not having to think about things.  That is how I have felt.  I have done as my Master has said, dressed as he has said.  I haven’t had to think about what to do, as he has made the decisions. 

For dinner I prepared pasta with mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes.  It was OK but Lxxxxx says that he has had enough pasta now.  After dinner, we watched TV for a while.  I sat on the floor.  I then sewed the flag on Lxxxxx’s suitcase.  While I was doing it, I hoped that it would be alright for him.  After a while he came into the room and saw what I had done so far, and said it was fine.  When I had finished I went back to my Master, and we watched some more TV.  Then he said to work on my diary.  (which is what I am doing now).

I expected Lxxxxx to be much harder with me.  But in fact he has been really easy on me, and spent a lot of time cuddling me, stroking my hair, rubbing and reassuring me. During dinner he let me sit next to him, instead of making me eat from the floor, which he said he really should have done.  I said to him that I felt he had been too easy with me, and he said that yes, but that the day was not yet over.  He also said that an M/s relationship is not about one person hurting the other, but that it is a lifestyle, with one person being totally dedicated to the other. Besides I did not commit to be his slave you can’t have it both ways.

It was hard coming down from the emotional build up that I had put myself through during the weeks prior to Lxxxxx coming here.  When we went to bed, I so much desired him to be harder with me.  We talked for a while, and then I said that I really did want to feel his crop or his whip.  He said alright, and went downstairs.  When he returned, I lay on the bed and spread my legs.  He then cropped me, but not as much I hoped for, as he said that my ass was already getting glowing red.  He told me to go and see and it was deep red, and it did feel warm.  I knew that he hadn’t been too harsh with his crop, but still I was glad that he had done it. 

I had been prepared for much more today.  Maybe it was because during the morning Lxxxxx had sensed that I was struggling a bit.  But despite that I wish that he had made me wear my collar all day, and I wish that he had made me eat off the floor, and been more strict with me.  But he has more experience with all this, and so I’ll accept that he knows better, and that he is only going to do things with me when he knows for sure that I am not going to freak out.  He explained he didn’t want another Las Vegas incident.

Friday, May 24

I had some really strange dreams, because of yesterday’s activities.  During the morning I was drifting in and out of sleep, and it was hard to know when I was awake and when I was dreaming.  One dream in particular was a bit alarming.  Lxxxxx and I were in the restaurant, in Xxxxxxxxx, where we are going tonight.  We were sat at a table side by side, when suddenly the lights went out.  Then 2 people had their hands over me, around my face and head.  I knew that neither of them was Lxxxxx – because I know his hands, and these weren’t his.  Then I felt a pain in my left cheek, like needles were being stuck into my face, scarring it.  Then I remember seeing Lxxxxx standing there, and the strange thing was that this is what he had wanted.  It was as though he had arranged it.  I don’t know what this means – dreams can be bizarre.  I know that Lxxxxx doesn’t want to harm me or have me harmed (although he does want to have me pierced!!!).  Maybe the dream was more about my desire to be punished or humiliated in some way.

I remember also the dream I had before I finally woke up.  My Master was using a device to restrain me.  It was some leather thing wrapped around my waist and chest, which also had straps that held my arms and wrists at my sides. 

In the morning, my Master fucked me.  I then licked my Master’s cock.  Then he told me to lick his toes.  And I made a mistake, and got punished for it.  I received 10 strokes of the crop because I didn’t present my cunt to him while licking his toes.  He made me count them.  I felt bad, but continued to lick his feet, while my Master played with my cunt, reminding me that it belongs to him.  He told me that I must remember things.  As I licked, he talked to me about how I should feel that whatever I do for him should be all that matters.  And I am starting to feel that whatever I am doing for him at the time is the most important thing for me at that time, and that nothing else matters.  Whether it is licking his feet, preparing his breakfast, or driving him to these castles.

We then had a quick bath, then breakfast, then drove to Longtown to visit the castle there.  It was a nice drive – even though it rained on and off.  But Lxxxxx said that he had ordered the weather to clear up by the time we would arrive. and it did!  Again it was fun finding the place.  At one point we knew that we were fairly close and we stopped to ask some chap.  He was very helpful, and in his Welsh accent he said in reply to our question as to how we could find Longtown, “Oh that’s easy, you just go down the pitch, then turn left and follow the sign”.  We said thanks, and then Lxxxxx turned to me and said something like “What the fuck is a pitch?”.  I’ve no idea – some strange Welsh colloquialism.  Well that set him off, with his pitch, ditches and bitches.  It still makes me laugh thinking about it.

When we finally got there, we realised that the castle location was really quite nice.  There was an arch way which would have been suitable for some kinky photos, and an inner tower.  The wind was unbelievable though, especially when Lxxxxx stepped outside the tower, it just howled and howled.  Great fun though.  We took some photos, both had a piss, and then left.  We stopped at local post office and got some postcards.  We had lunch at Eywas Harold (never did find out how to pronounce it).  Lxxxxx said this place was like a setting from The Avengers. He liked Emma Peel! It seemed to take for ages to get home, and it was around 5.00 by the time we got back.  I did some of the ironing, then we got ready to go out.

We had a nice dinner at Xxxxxxxx.  My Master had steak, I had sole.  We had some Piesporter wine.  Then fruit (melon, etc) for dessert, which was actually a starter on the menu.  Lxxxxx took a couple of photos of me spreading my legs, holding the camera under the table.  Hopefully something will come out.  During dinner I thought several times, oh god, he is going to be gone in a couple of days – then what am I going to do.  We did discuss about when I’ll next go out to Xxxxxxx.  Early September seems about the earliest, because it is going to be too hot during July and August.  And I should be able to take some holiday in September, and by that time I will know whether Canada or US is looking the most likely.

When we got back home, he asked if I wanted to get kinky.  Of course I did.  I just wanted him to do whatever he liked.  And I trust him.  So he told me to go downstairs.  I had no idea of what he had in mind.  In the dining room, he told me to get undressed.  He had pulled one of the chairs away from the table.  He told me to bend over it.  He then tied each of my wrists to the chair arms.  At that point I was relatively comfortable.  He then tied my ankles to the chair legs.  That made me a lot more uncomfortable, because I felt as if I was having to struggle to balance myself. 

My Master used his crop and his whip on me.  The crop hurt more than yesterday or this morning.  But I’m glad he did it.  I wanted to feel the strokes from him, and be able to see the marks for several days afterwards, and know that they were put there by my Master.  I have been feeling closer to Lxxxxx so much more during the last few weeks, and especially during the last couple of weeks while he has been here.  And these sessions we have make me feel closer still.  I love him as Lxxxxx, and I also love him as my Master.

But I know that what he did was still mild, and Lxxxxx says that maybe bondage and SM stuff isn’t for me.  My pussy was wet afterwards though.  I suppose I shouldn’t cry out so much.  Although I was happy that I dealt with the clamps better.  Especially when he put them on my pussy lips, they didn’t seem to hurt as much as when I am laying on the bed.  Maybe it is the way in which the lips are pulled.  But it did hurt a bit when he pulled the chain and then let it go.  But it was kind of a nice sort of pain. 

Afterwards he was so lovely to me.  He let me sit for a while, while he went to the bathroom, and then held me and cuddled me on the sofa.  As I cuddled up close to my Master, I felt happy and safe in his arms.  I also felt very submissive.  If he had wanted to use me for anything, I would have gladly done it.  But after a while, he said we ought to go to bed. 

Saturday, May 25

We slept a little longer again than usual.  I slept well – I don’t remember any dreams.  It was so nice waking up with Lxxxxx, being able to feel the warmth of his body, and his hands on me.  I’m going to miss him so much. 

We laid together for a while, then he said to massage his feet, and that I could lick them too.  As he laid on his stomach, I started to massage his left foot, then started to lick it too.  Even though he was laying on his stomach, I made sure that my cunt was available for him.  The fact that this was our last day together was very much in my mind, and for a while it was harder than usual to relax and get into it.  But I could hear Lxxxxx telling me to enjoy it, so I let go.  And I did get to a high.  I knew my pussy was getting wet, and longed for him to touch it.  After massaging, sucking and licking his feet like this for a while, he turned over, and I straddled his legs, spreading my legs and displaying myself for him.  I continued to lick his feet, and knowing that my cunt was available for him, made me get even wetter.  Finally he touched it, but only slightly.  I must remember that his needs come first, and even though I sometimes long for him to touch me, I have to learn to be patient.  But then he penetrated me deeply with his fingers, and twisted them inside.  He then fucked me, and then had me suck him. 

We then had breakfast, and then got ready to go out.  We checked the oil in the car – it needed topping up.  We went to get oil, petrol and things for breakfast for Sunday.  The weather was weird again.  As soon as we drove up to the petrol station, the rain started to come down, and within a few minutes, it was like a hurricane.  But by the time we got home, it had stopped.  I finished the ironing, and then we relaxed together.

There was a rugby match on, and as we watched it, I was longing to serve my Master as his foot-rest, or to simply display myself for his pleasure.  I didn’t say anything, so he didn’t know what was in my mind, but he did let me suck his cock.  I sucked him, and licked his balls, then he had me sit on him, and fuck him, and continue fucking him until I dropped.  Then I sucked him some more, and licked his balls.  He came, and it was lovely.  I was high, and he told me to calm down.  He then told me to go and freshen myself up, ready to go out.  I wore my jeans, and black Versace top.  I put on lipstick, and then went to look at myself in the full length mirror.  It was a strange feeling for a moment, because as I looked at myself, I didn’t recognise the person looking back at me.

We then went to The Whittington.  Lxxxxx likes this place.  It was nice being there with him again.  A little sad too because it was our last night.  But we did have a fun time nevertheless.  And a good meal too.  There was a cock up with the bill at the end (as usual).  We then came back home, stopping off at the video store.  I saw the perfect film – “Dark Prince” – the supposedly true story of Dracula.  It was OK, but Lxxxxx said that there were many historical inaccuracies.  He showed me a couple of sites on the internet which contain more factual information.  One of them is saved, so I can read that this week.

I then went to run a bath for us, then came downstairs.  Lxxxxx was watching the end of a movie, and he let me be his foot-rest for a while.  We then had a bath together, and I washed him.  When we went to bed, I gave him a massage.  It would be the last one for a while.  I started to massage his back, enjoying every moment of it.  I then moved down to his ass, then the back of his legs and his feet.  Then he rolled over, and I massaged his arms, chest, legs and feet again.  Then as I gently massaged his cock, and kissed it, he said that I could worship it.  I started to suck it, and kiss his balls.  I straddled him, so that my cunt (His cunt) was displayed for him.  He started to play with my cunt, and put his mouth to it, to bite it.  The feeling was intense, and I did pull away a little bit, but I tried not to.  I tried to keep my cunt spread for him.  He then fucked me, and then I licked his anus, and then as he was about to cum, he told me to put my mouth to his cock, and I got my reward.  I thanked him.

It took me a few moments to come back down, but he said to relax, and settle down to sleep.

Sunday, May 26

The alarm clock went off at 6.00 am.  Lxxxxx got up before me, and went to the bathroom.  He came back to pull me out of bed.  (He can pull me out of bed just as well as he can kick me out!).  It was sad knowing that we only had a few hours left.  As usual Lxxxxx was totally organized, as he had pretty much had everything packed up for a couple of days.  He only had a few things left to pack.  He has left me my collar and the clamps.  I’m not sure what I am going to do with the clamps though when I’m by myself.  However I will use them if he tells me to.  I made him breakfast for the last time, and by 8.00 am we were ready to get going. Lxxxxx’s suitcase weighed about 33 kilos!!!!

The drive was OK, some heavy rain, but the traffic was light, so that was alright.  Several times, my eyes began to fill up, but I had to concentrate on driving.  When we got to Gatwick, I was OK – but feeling nervous and tense (as usual) and upset too.  Our time together had gone quickly in the end.  Especially the second week.  It had been so lovely him being here.  At times it felt like he lived here, and I almost forgot about the distance, and all that we need to go through to be together.  At the airport, Lxxxxx said not to be sad, not to cry, because soon we will be together.  And I will be out in Xxxxxx again in September. 

After he had checked in, we sat for a while.  Lxxxxx went off to the loo, and even then I missed him.  When he came back it was lovely, but the minutes were slipping away, and soon he said that he should go through departures, as there was a queue.  I stood with him, then had to let him go.  He looked back, and then he was gone.

When I could see him no longer, I went back to where we had sat, and sat for 10 minutes or so, sipping some of the water.  Then I wandered back to the car.  I felt lost without Lxxxxx’s hand to hold.  And it is so lovely holding his hand.  It feels so natural.

I drove back home the scenic way.  I thought I would have one final adventure.  Motorways are kind of depressing, and besides there had been a hold up on the MXX northbound.  It might have cleared by now, but I thought I would avoid it.  I had to stop a couple of times to check the map, and turn around a couple of times.  There was some really heavy rain, and hailstones too at one point.  But sunshine at times too.  I don’t know yet if the plane took off on time, but at 1.30 pm I was thinking of Lxxxxx.  I got home at around 5.00 pm.

I had a bath, shaved, and washed my hair, and used some of Lxxxxx’s hair conditioner.  Then I started updating this diary.  I had a beer too.  Then I had the bit of pasta sauce that was left over, and another beer.  It hasn’t yet sunk in that Lxxxxx has gone. 

Monday, May 27

At about 2.30 am, Lxxxxx phoned me to say that he was home.  The flight hadn’t been good at all, but I was happy that he was home safely.

I didn’t sleep too well, drifting in and out of sleep, and when I woke, the bedside light was still on.  It was so strange waking up by myself.  I missed the feel of Lxxxxx’s arms around me. 

I think I am meant to be masturbating again, but I haven’t been able to get back into it.  I’m too emotional and upset still.  I’ll be talking with Lxxxxx later in the evening and I can ask him what I should be doing.  If he really wants me to masturbate, then I will.  I suppose I have to realise that it isn’t for my pleasure.

At about 10.10 am my phone at work rang.  I answered it as normal, and was stunned to hear Lxxxxx’s voice.  He was still awake – he couldn’t sleep.  He said that customs had given him lots of hassle over the metal soldiers.

It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m not going to be seeing him again for some months now.  But being with him was wonderful, and things are becoming more clear.  Lxxxxx is very honest about what he wants, and although he can be flexible sometimes, he will not compromise himself for anyone.  He is very clear in that he wants a slave, and if I am to be part of his life, be it as his lover, friend, companion or submissive, then I have to accept this, be for him (not against him), and work with him to make this happen.

I do sometimes get upset when he talks about other women, or looks at other women as potential slaves, because I want to be something special for him, not just another prospective slave.  Although I know I’m not exactly what he wants.  But when I think about it I used to think that I was special for my ex-boyfriend, and what did he do?  He went off behind my back and had an affair, and deceived me for 8 months.  So which is better – being deceived and lied to, or being with someone who is upfront and honest about his needs and desires?  The answer is obvious.  So I just have to learn to accept Lxxxxxas he is, and everything that comes with him, and as I said to him while he was here, just concentrate on getting over there, and being with him and to not worry about his other slave.  We’ll deal with that when it happens. 

I was a little bit tired when I came home from work.  It is the emotional impact.  I fell asleep on he bed for about 15 minutes.  Then I took the video back, had a bath and then something to eat.  I then worked on my diary.  I have seen the Lxxxxx has got his website back up.  He also sent me a mail telling me all about the hassle at the airport.  What with customs and the car, that’s the last thing you need after a 10 hour flight.  I really feel for him, but I hope that he has been able to relax a bit today.  He also sent me one of the photographs from the church yard.  It’s a nice photo.  Maybe I can put it in my diary.  I know that I have still to update my diary for the first weekend.  It’s now about 10.30, and I’ll phone Lxxxxx.  I do miss him.

Before shutting down the computer I went to Yahoo, and saw a message from Lxxxxx saying that he would be going out at 3.00 pm, and that I should phone him before that if I saw his e-mail.  Straight away I phoned him.  He told me some more about all the hassle he had had at the airport.  He said that nothing had gone right from the moment he got on the plane and he missed me.  I really felt sorry that he’d had to go through all this. 

Tuesday, May 28

I was dreaming this morning, drifting in and out of sleep.  The last dream that I remembered before finally waking up was being on the Tube in London withLxxxxx. 

I was really tired too this morning.  I’m emotionally drained at the moment.  I’m having to adjust to not being with him, and it’s hard. 

At work, I went to my car at about 1.20 pm.  When I phoned him, he had been awake for an hour or so, but had managed to have more sleep than the previous night.  He said that he had sent me lots of mails, and had made some corrections in my diary.  I hoped that I hadn’t got anything too wrong.  He said that he is missing me too – I’m not the only one.  I do miss him, even though he drives me nuts a lot of the time.  No one has ever had such an effect on me. 

I hope that Lxxxxx realises that I am not always this nervous.  Sometimes when I am with him I feel like a child, which may be OK sometimes, but I also want to feel like a mature, attractive woman.  Because Lxxxxx says I have to feel good about myself, and about what I am doing.  And I know that feeling good about what I am doing is important.  But I guess I am nervous around Lxxxxx because a) he is always so assured and confident, and b) I am conscious of doing something wrong, or misunderstanding him about something.  But I have become closer to him during these 2 weeks, and Lxxxxx is my life.  He has been in the forefront of my mind since December 19^th.

When it got to just after 9.00 pm (1.00 pm his time) I phoned him.  It was lovely to hear him.  He told me that while he had been away, there had been a re-organisation in his office.  He is not too worried about it, because it looks like he is getting a better position out of it.  I told him that I have requested a police clearance certificate.  He sensed that I was still tense, and he told me to just relax, and that things will work out.  Also in his e-mail he said not to masturbate until the weekend.  I am glad that he realised that I wasn’t in any state to masturbate at the moment.

Wednesday, May 29

When Lxxxxx got home from work he phoned me.  Earlier in the evening I had asked him if he would just phone me for a few minutes.  It is such a long time between talking with him in the evening, and then waiting until lunch-time.  I am really missing him. 

I had a bit of a restless night – dreaming again.  Not bad dreams, just dreams about the time we spent together.  Though dreams are always strange, and reality gets distorted.  When I woke up finally, I realised that Lxxxxxwas not with me, I felt saddened.  But as he says, we will be together again sooner or later, and there should be no reason to be sad.  Going to work though I can listen to his music, and look forward to hopefully having an e-mail from him.  The message he had sent me this morning was really nice. 

At about 1.15 pm I was finishing a brief meeting with my boss and a colleague.  The room was going to be empty for a while, so I phoned the optician from there to enquire about progress on Lxxxxx’s glasses.  The woman said that they were not in yet, but that she would check with the lab and phone me back.  I then phoned Lxxxxx at home.  It was so nice to hear him.  When I got back to my desk, the optician’s had already phoned back on my work number, and left a message saying that the glasses would be ready for Saturday.  I bet these people have never had a customer like Lxxxxx before!

I am still finding it difficult to concentrate at work, but I know that I’ll have to get back into my work.  I want to tell people how wonderful Lxxxxx is, but I can’t.  Even if I do mention him to one of my 2 closest friends at work, I can’t really tell them the truth, so it is probably better not to tell them much anyway.

I phoned Lxxxxx in the evening, (at 1.00 pm his time).  Before I phone him, I still get this pounding in my chest.  No one has ever had an effect on me like this.  This relationship is truly different from anything I have ever experienced.  I said that I miss him, and he asked me in what way, and I said everyway.  And it’s true.  I miss his presence.  I miss feeling his hands on me or stroking my hair.  I miss waking up with him, feeling him wrap his arms and legs around me, or taking a bath with him.  I miss his warmth, his (occasional) sternness.  I miss him when he makes me laugh, and I even miss the little digs he makes at me when I get nervous, and of course I miss sucking him, putting my lips around his cock, longing for his cum, sucking and licking his feet, feeling his feet on me, being used …. everything.

Lxxxxx has already got a buyer for the book.  Great.  We should have got both copies that were for sale!  As well as progressing the paperwork for Canada and the US. 

This evening I have reading some more about the Master & slave site I found a few weeks ago.  Some of the material is written by the Master, some by his slave.  I was reading today about what the slave had written about sub-space and slave-space.  I don’t know what Lxxxxx thinks about this.  Maybe he is not interested, or maybe he thinks it is b/s.  I don’t know.  She made the distinction by saying that sub-space is when the slave gets a “high” during an activity and generally gets pleasure herself, whereas slave-space is a time when she is totally focussed on her Master and her slavery/servitude.  Because I know that I’m not really a slave, I can’t say I have experienced slave-space, but I think I have achieved sub-space, especially when I worship my Master’s feet.  Lxxxxx even encourages me to let myself go, and certainly 3 or 4 times I really did achieve a “high”.  And I could have even let myself go further.  But when I served him as a table and especially as a foot-rest, I also achieved a unique feeling.  Yes I find it erotic, but I am also very conscious of the fact that I am serving him, and being an object for him, and I concentrate on being that object for him as best I can.

Thursday, May 30

I had a fairly restless night again. Lxxxxx is not sleeping properly yet either – the time difference and everything.  I woke up at about 4.00 am.  I think I had been dreaming and I seem to remember that it was a sexy dream.  I can’t remember the details though.  I was missing Lxxxxx so much, and I wanted to phone him, but I didn’t as I didn’t know whether he would be sleeping or not.  Also I think I should only be phoning him at more or less arranged times.

I drifted back to sleep, and woke later, and got up for work.  I had a meeting off site.  it finished at about 1.10 pm, so I had time to get back to the car and drive to the point where I get onto the motorway, and from there I phoned Lxxxxx.  He said that he went to sleep early, so it’s good that I didn’t call him.  He told me that he has sold the book, and should make about $60 on it.

I’m surprised really that this book is in such demand.  Maybe it has a good reputation, but I was a little bit disappointed, because it generalises too much, and flips between the genders so much, and anyway it is really written from the Dominant’s point of view.  The section on ethics was probably about the most interesting.  I have been reading some of the book on SM that I got.  That’s quite interesting, although as Lxxxxx pointed out, it talks about people “playing”, and what Lxxxxx is interested in is not “playing”.  I’ll also start reading the one he brought for me about female orgasms. 

After I had spoken with Lxxxxx, I phoned the FedEx office.  They are not open on Tuesday, but will be able to collect the parcel from me at my work address on Wednesday.  Delivering it to the depot is cheaper, but it is going to be easier to get them to collect it, as it would be difficult for me to get there during the opening times, as it is over an hour’s drive away, and the office in Xxxxxxxxxxxxx closes at 5.00 pm.  So I just need to collect the glasses on Saturday, wrap them up, ready for Wednesday. 

I phoned Lxxxxx at work just after 1.00 pm (his time).  As always it was lovely to hear him.  He told me about the book, and said I should try and get in touch with the book seller to see if they have other copies.  When he asked me where I was, I said that I was laying on the bed.  He said that he wished he was there too, and would have several ideas of things I could do for him.  If he was here, maybe he would let me suck and lick his feet, while I presented my cunt for him.  It was nice talking with him, and he has a way of saying things, even just a word or too in such a way that it makes me just melt inside. 

I’m really tired tonight.  Must go to sleep now.

Friday, May 31

I slept a bit better.  When I got to work, there was a message from the optician to phone them.  But I had to go straight into a meeting.  But when we had a break and I went back up to my desk, and they had phoned again.  I rang them back.  I expected them saying that the glasses were ready for collection, but it was actually bad news.  She began to say how the lenses had come back, but that one of them was flawed and had been rejected.  As she was saying this, my heart was sinking.  I was thinking only of Lxxxxx.  I would have to tell him that I wouldn’t be able to get his glasses tomorrow after all.  The optician gave me a date of Tuesday 11^th June as the most likely date.  I asked them to keep me informed over the coming week.  The meeting was due to re-convene at 1.30 pm, and so I phoned Lxxxxx just a few minutes before.  It was lovely to hear him, but then I had to tell him the bad news.  It seems like everything I touch goes wrong.  He wasn’t upset with me, but agreed!!!  But some things are unfortunately out of our control.  He said that he would phone me during the evening, at around 9.00 or 10.00 pm, my time.

When I got home from work, I was tired.  It had been a hard day – mentally.  I had a bath, and because my Master was going to be phoning me, I shaved myself everywhere.  And put on body lotion, and his perfume.  It always seems so much more special when he phones me.

At 8.00 pm as I was just about to start preparing something for dinner, the phone went.  I wasn’t sure whether it was going to be Lxxxxx or not, but my heart starting thumping, hoping that it would be.  When I answered the phone, I heard my Master’s voice.  We talked for a while.  I said that I should be with him.  And he reminded me that I should have been there a long time ago, and that we should have already have been to Canada.  He asked me how my immigration preparations were going.  I have the request for the police clearance certificate ready.  While that is being done, I will make photocopies of all my certificates over the next week, while I am at work.  Then get references written, so that by the time the police thing comes back, I am in a position to send off the application.  He asked me again to check up on the bookseller at the fetish market we went to and see if I can get hold of another copy of the book.

My Master asked me if I had masturbated.  I said that I hadn’t.  I miss him so much, and although I have had a couple of sexy dreams, I hadn’t been able to masturbate.  He also asked whether the marks were still on my ass.  They definitely are.  The marks made by the whip have faded, but the ones he put there with his crop have bruised, and they should be visible for another week at least.  I like them.  He said that that is the good thing about being tattooed.  It is always there.  And being pierced too.  That is a constant reminder of who I belong to.  I will be able to feel it always.  Every time I move.  Lxxxxx knows that this turns me on, and he then said to put a finger inside my cunt, as he wanted to know if it was wet.  I did so, and even before I touched it, I knew it was going to be wet.  I could feel my whole body starting to get wet too.  I said to him that it was wet. 

My Master then asked where I was.  I said that I was in the kitchen on the floor.  He then said to go into the other room, and to draw the curtains, and get undressed.  I did so, then asked him what he wanted.  He kind of laughed, and said that there were many things that he wanted, but that I could get down and say my oath for starters.  Shaking, I got down on the floor, and said my oath.  I do believe in my oath more than I did several weeks ago.  I know that this is what I am working towards.  He then said to get the wine bottle.  Place it on the floor, and sit on it, and slide it inside my cunt.  Then to start going up and down on it.

My Master reminded me that my sole purpose is to please him, and whether he gives me pleasure or pain, it shouldn’t matter.  All that matters is that I please him.  His pleasure comes first, and I get my pleasure from pleasing him. 

He then said to imagine him standing before me, while I suck and lick his balls and cock, and continue to slide myself up and down on the bottle.  I was getting very wet, and my whole body was dripping.  He then said to imagine that another slave was licking his ass, worshipping his ass with her tongue.  He said that when he was ready to cum, he would cum in and on her cunt, and he would have me lick it out.  I said to him that I love his cum, I live for it.  And I do.  I’ve never enjoyed or longed for anyone’s cum so much.  I said to him that I’ll lick up his cum from anywhere – off another slave, off the floor.  It is a shame that he didn’t test my desire to lick his cum off the floor while he was here.

I begged for his cum, and he said that I only get his cum if I deserve a reward.  I asked him what I had to do, and he said to think about the last 2 weeks and whether I had pleased him sufficiently to be rewarded with his cum.  I did try to please him always, but I know there were times when I displeased or annoyed him.  But he said to beg for him cum, but I don’t know if he came.  He usually tells me to open my mouth for him.  He then ordered me to bark for him.  This always has an affect on me.  It is humiliating to begin with, but if I let myself go, it is arousing and exhilarating.  I finally let go for a few moments, and for a few moments I was even unaware that I was still sliding up and down on the bottle.  The feelings were all too much.  My Master then told me enough, and to take the bottle out.  He said to go over to the sofa.  I could barely stand, so dragged myself to the sofa, and half laid myself down.  He said to calm down, and take deep breaths.  Ten of them.  I tried to calm myself, but was still in a state.  He said to have something to eat, work on my diary – complete everything for the month of May, and then send it to him.  He also said to call him when I go to bed. 

All that was about an hour or so ago.  After I put the phone down, I was still shaking.  My body was so wet.  I let it dry naturally, then pulled some clothes back on.  My Master has such an effect on me.  I am so dependent on him emotionally and sexually.  He can arouse me with just a few words, and he knows it.  A session like that is very focussing for me.  It reminds me that although I am not with Lxxxxx, or yet bear his tattoo, I do nevertheless belong to him.  I have never felt anything like this before.  I feel privileged, as I know that there are many women who would like to be in my position. 

I will now go back, and fill in the gaps from the other days – Sunday 12^th especially.  I have completed the detail for that Sunday now, and added the photo which my Master took of me at the cross.  I have also had a look at that website for Toronto.  I’ll check for other sites which covers jobs in Canada.  I can spend time doing that, and other things, on Monday evening and Tuesday next week.

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