by Sunday, June 23
My pussy is so wet. I think I woke up during the night, or maybe I was dreaming, still feeling sexy. I finally woke up at 7.30 am (I had set the alarm). For a second I thought it was the phone ringing – and my Master. But it wasn’t.
The plan had been to get up and go swimming. I laid in bed for 10 minutes or so, but the desire to masturbate was getting greater and greater. I had originally intended to swim first, and masturbate afterwards. But because I was feeling so aroused, I couldn’t resist. My pussy was already wet. All I used was one of the small vibrators just on my clit. I laid on my stomach and first of all concentrated on the feelings that the vibrator was giving me, as it worked on my clit. I think the thing I find most erotic about vibrators is that they are machine-like. That’s why it would be so erotic to have one pushed up my pussy, secured, and left there all day. It’s constant probing and pulsations, working away endlessly on my cunt would make me feel that I was being controlled.
I then began to fantasise about how my Master described yesterday, that he would display me for a friend. I imagined that my Master had invited one of fiends around to come and take a look at his new slave. When his friend arrived, I was naked wearing my collar and leash, hair done, nails, nicely made up, sat on the floor. As my Master brought his friend into the living, I checked my position. I did not want to disappoint my Master, and arched my back a little further so that my breasts were pushed up high. I remained quite still as my Master invited his friend to sit down. My Master took hold of my leash to control me, and sat down too. His crop was in easy reach too, in case he had to use that to control me. My Master’s friend asked questions about me, as if I were an object. He then asked if he could see my tattoo and piercings more clearly. My Master said “of course”. He then gave me the order to assume the inspect position. Obediently I got up, spread my legs and held my arms up. I had an orgasm, as I imagined my Master’s fingers touching my pierced pussy lips, and showing his friend how the locks hold them together. I did ask my Master for permission to have an orgasm, and thanked him afterwards.
I had masturbated for about 50 minutes. I so wanted to have an orgasm, as I hadn’t had one last night. Maybe I shouldn’t think like this. Or maybe my Master wants me to have an orgasm as often as possible, no matter how long it takes. Afterwards, I got up, and got dressed quickly. I was downstairs, having some breakfast, when I could hear the phone ringing upstairs. I thought it’s much too late to be my Master, but it was. He had been up working on the photo album, and was now going to bed. He said not to call him at 7.00 am. He’ll still be sleeping. He said that he would phone me. He asked had I not gone swimming, but I said I was just about to go now.
It’s amazing (there’s that word again) the effect he has on me. I had only talked to him for a couple of minutes, but my body had become wet. I’d love to understand what goes on in my body. It’s like my system goes into overdrive. I start to perspire under my arms, on my chest, on my lower back, and my heartbeat goes up, and my pussy starts to get wet.
It was a really nice surprise to hear him. Within about 10 minutes I was ready to go for my swim. I had a good swim. If I keep this up (3 times a week) there should be some improvement within a couple of months. When I got back, I checked my e-mails. I also checked the mail box outside. I don’t know why really, because I thought there weren’t deliveries on Sunday. The only thing that did cross my mind was that I hadn’t had the free newspaper delivered this week. It normally comes on Friday. It’s not really the newspaper I’m interested in, I just don’t want it clogging up the box. So imagine my surprise when I found a letter in there from Lxxxxx – another British Airways envelope one. I’m really surprised though. Maybe the postman is doing a special Sunday delivery to keep up with the amount of mail I am getting from Lxxxxx ! He had sent another “Flying Moose show” card, with 2 of the special “fake” pictures. We are both miraculously sat by the fountain in Birmingham. He has sent me 2 so that I can send one to mum and dad. That reminds me, I need to send them the other photos – from the Imperial War Museum. I’d better phone today as well. Let them know I’m still alive!
I had a bath at home and shaved. I hadn’t shaved for 2 ½ days. I really should have done it yesterday, but I was tired at night. I would have done it if I were with my Master, because if he were to carry out his promise, then I would have felt his crop on my pussy. I’m sure that would hurt. To make up for not shaving yesterday, not only have I given myself a good shave around my pussy, legs and underarms, but I have shaved my arms too (I don’t do that every time I shave – not yet anyway), so I will be presentable for my Master when he phones later.
It was about 3.00 pm and I thought I would phone mum before Lxxxxx phones. I did that, then went upstairs to wait for my Master’s phone call. I got undressed and put on my collar. I had the phone in the bedroom so I could hear it, but I went into the other room at the front, and practiced my table position, as my Master suggested I do. I need to find a way of keeping my back straight, but in a position that I can hold for a reasonable length of time. There is no point getting into a position if my arms or whatever are going to give way after 5 minutes. I’m sure I will learn to be the perfect table for him. I have plenty time to practice. After 20 minutes or so I went into the bedroom and laid on the bed, and read some more of Controlling Christine. It sort of turns me on, but it is so outrageous and unreal – but still interesting. There are probably one or two ideas that could be used – if diluted in their intensity!. I put the book down after getting to the end of a chapter, and laid on the bed on my stomach thinking about him. At about 4.45 pm the phone rang. I knew it would be him. He had just woken up, but had already checked his mail. I think he was disappointed that there was nothing from me yet. And here am I wondering what I can do to please him, and I should have sent him something. Anyway we talked for a while. He said he will spend some more time on the photo album. He is up to about the end of the first day in London. It was kind of sad talking to him, because we really should be together, or at least not so far apart. He said to call him before I went to sleep. I said OK, and we hung up. A minute later, the phone rang again. He wanted to check that I was OK, as I sounded a bit down. It makes me feel better knowing that he does care.
In the evening I masturbated. I actually used the butt plug. The feeling was quite intense, because it had probably been a week since I had used it. I used a vibrator on my clit too. I laid on my stomach and fantasised. Maybe it is because of this book I am reading, but I fantasised about being held in restrictive chains. At night I would continue to wear my collar, and I would be chained to my Master’s bed, and would sleep like that every night. I imagined that my legs were chained too. My legs were pulled and spread, so that even during the night, my cunt remained available. I got very turned on, and as the vibrator worked on my clit, and I felt the plug in my ass, I started to have an orgasm. I just had time to ask my Master for permission before I felt the contractions inside my ass. I thanked my Master. Afterwards I cooled down, and came downstairs for a while. I had some tea.
I got ready to phone my Master soon afterwards. We had a nice, intimate chat. He told me how the photo album is coming along. He’d had some trouble with his printers though. But he said it will be well worth it when it’s complete. My Master says I am getting a bit hung up on the sex thing. He says it’s not just about that. Domination is not just about dominating someone sexually. I do know this, but most of the time I do feel sexual. My Master is having me masturbate twice a day, which is keeping my desires flowing. Also I am now sleeping naked. This is in itself kind of sexy for me, because usually when I sleep alone, I wear a T-shirt or something. And even more in Winter! So sleeping nude tends to be associated with sleeping with someone, and that is associated with sex. But apart from that, I find it altogether a very sensual experience, and when I wake in the morning, I am more than ever ready to masturbate.
When I fantasize about being his table or foot-rest, I get aroused, and my pussy gets as wet as during any other sexual fantasy. While being a table isn’t in itself sexual, the idea of it is very erotic. So at the moment when my Master uses me as his table, although I will hold still and have the appearance of an object, my pussy will no doubt be wet. I wonder if my Master wants me to get to the point where I can be his table without getting aroused. Because a table is not a sexual thing. Or maybe it is alright for me to be aroused.
Monday, June 24
I woke up a little later than usual, but still made sure I had my morning session. I used the usual arrangement of vibrators, and started to fantasise, and let my mind go. The direction it finally went in was imagining being my Master’s table (most probably because he has mentioned this lately). In my fantasy I was being a very good table for him, keeping perfectly still, with my back straight. I imagined myself in this position being used for a long period of time, and the only thought in my mind was that I am a piece of furniture, an object, and must remain still; the only desire I had was to please my Master by serving him as his table; the only feeling I had was one of feeling honoured to be a table for my Master. And as I filled my mind with these thoughts and imagined myself like this I had an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and then thanked him for letting me have an orgasm. It had taken about 30 minutes to reach orgasm, and then I had to get up and get ready for work. I quickly got ready – stockings, suspender belt, bra, long brown skirt, long sleeved black V-neck top, and shoes. No panties as my Master had said, and went to work.
The feeling of wearing no panties, even at work, is becoming more normal now. I still have the feeling of vulnerability, but I have practically accepted the fact that when he says wear no panties, I don’t think about it, I just do it. I had a meeting at work during the morning, but we broke for lunch just after 1.00 pm which was good. I went up to the car at about 1.20, and waited a few moments, then called my Master at 1.30. He had just about woken up, but felt tired. He said the heat last night had prevented him from sleeping. I felt awful having to phone and wake him so early. Nevertheless he said thanks for phoning. I wondered whether he had remembered that I was wearing no panties. But anyway he doesn’t make a big thing about this.
When I got home, the weather was good, so I decided to wash the car – it needed doing, and it is a good form of exercise. I will need to go swimming again this week. Tuesday is not good, because the pool is not open for early evening, so it will probably be Wednesday and Friday again this week, and then Sunday morning again.
I finished reading the book, Controlling Christine. I said to my Master that I found it extreme. He said that “extreme” is very subjective. What I meant was that I thought it was extreme in terms of being beyond the realms of reality. (Although the book did stress that the story is a fantasy, and disregards items such as political correctness, physical safety or actually whether something is physically possible or not). The story was really a series of ever more controlling and restrictive forms of body bondage being used to control her. She was being completely controlled physically, and probably psychologically (although the emphasis seemed to be on the physical). The physical restraints were more and more elaborate. She would always try to resist her ever-increasing level of captivity and bondage, but then seemed to accept it all too readily. It didn’t seem realistic to me in this sense. But I’m no expert! But it was still interesting and some of the things did turn me on.
For instance, the remote controlled steel chastity belt device that she had to wear This was permanently fixed to her steel waist cinch, with her crotch and rear end left exposed. But then these holes were filled with large dildos and then the whole area was closed and sealed with a steel plate, and then locked. She later discovered that he master could control her remotely, giving her either pain or pleasure. He could even have the dildo pulsating continually all night, to ensure that she was constantly stimulated.
This idea of being penetrated and then going about my daily duty of serving my Master turns me on a lot, but imagine having a vibrator inside me, that was remote controlled. From anywhere in the house, my Master could use it to summon me to him whenever he wanted me. In the book, she was on a physical leash practically 24/7, but was also controlled by an electronic leash when outside with her master. He could set a device so that if she strayed outside of a fixed distance from him, shocks and pulsations shot through her body. I remember I had a fantasy along these lines a long time ago, although less “extreme”. I was wearing a type of collar that registered my movements around the house. If my master didn’t want me to leave the house, then although I would have physically been able to, the fact would have been registered by the sensors around the house, and I would have had to suffer the consequences. This fantasy must have been more than 10 years ago, so I was thinking about this type of thing even then!
I must admit that I also find the idea of “re-shaping” the female body something of an erotic turn on. In the book, she wears a permanent waist cinch which pulls her in, she also wears underwear which shapes and holds her body, and later on in the book she wears a special bra, designed to hold and display her breasts for maximum effect. I think the nearest I will get to this is looking forward to the time when my Master has me wear a corset. I am looking forward to that – having it pull in at my waist and pushing my breasts upwards, showing them off as much as possible.
At around 8.50 I went upstairs, and got ready to phone my Master. It was lovely to hear him. He felt a little better than earlier this morning, but was looking forward to an early night tonight. Later on this week, I will have to take my chances in phoning him at work, because he is going to be out and about. Afterwards I laid in bed, naked apart from my collar, stroking my body, looking at it’s nakedness, especially between my legs. It is becoming more normal now for me to be shaved. When I wear my collar, I do feel different, and feel closer to him. I have kept it on this evening. Maybe I ought to have asked him first if I could do that. But it’s difficult to talk about things like that when he is in the office. So I am sat here writing this, naked, wearing my collar (although I have got my robe on, as it would be too cold otherwise, but my robe is open, so that all the front of my body is exposed). My Master does say that I must always wear my collar when I talk to him on the phone, but in a way I wish he would have me wear it at other times too (as long as he doesn’t say put it on and then go shopping!!). I think things like that would help me to accept that I am his slave and do belong to him, because most of the time at home, I don’t always feel this. Also it will help when I visit him in September, as I will be more used to things.
After finishing using the computer, I went to bed. I was still wearing my collar, when I masturbated. I laid down in bed, and all I used was one of the small vibrators on my clit. The feeling is so intense and when I part my legs, the only contact the vibrator has with my body is just on the tip of my clit – the most sensitive part.
I fantasised that I was masturbating for my Master. He said to me “Start masturbating slave”. He wanted to see my ass and hips move up and down on the tip of the vibrator. He then reminded me that I masturbate for him only, and I will stop when he tells me to. I started to slide my already wet pussy across the vibrator and imagined that he asked me what my purpose was. I said “to obey you Master”. He then asked me what my function was, and I said “to please and serve you Master”. He then asked me who I belonged to. I said “I belong to you Master”. He then asked me what I was, and I said “I am your slave, Master”. He then said “What else?” I said “I am your possession, Master”. Then he said again “What else?” and I replied “I am your bitch, Master”, and again he said “What else?” and he had me keep on saying to him all the things that I was – his fuck toy, his pet, he cunt on 2 legs, his object, his table, his foot-rest, his vase, his fountain, his toilet, his whore, his maid, his masseur, his servant. And when I hesitated in replying he held his crop on my ass, and again asked the question “What else?” and at the same time brought his crop down on my ass. And all the time I had to continue masturbating for him. And if I showed any signs of stopping, he said “Continue masturbating slave”. I finally had an orgasm after about 45 minutes. I asked my Master for permission. My pussy was so very wet. It was literally dripping. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up, then came back to bed. I still had my collar on, and kept it on for a while as I read until I felt sleepy. I then reluctantly took it off. Firstly I don’t think it is really safe to sleep with something around your neck (maybe if it’s loose enough, it’s OK), and second my Master hasn’t said that I should be keeping it on at night.
Tuesday, June 25
In the morning I felt quite sexy. I masturbated again just with the small vibrator, working away on my clit. In no time at all my pussy was wet, and I imagined my Master giving me the order to wake up and start masturbating. I imagined him saying that I masturbate only when he says so, and that I only do it for his pleasure, not for my own.
I started reading the other book last night. This one is about how attractive women are specifically chosen for training as sex slaves. Initially against their will they are trained, until they become completely obedient and willing sex objects. The book concentrates on one woman’s progress through this process. Her first lesson in obedience is being made to walk across a room, backwards and forwards, in a sexy manner, with her breasts stuck out in front of her, her arms tied up behind her back, while dressed in such a way that emphasise her body shape. Disobedience or failure to please resulted in shock pulsations around her pussy.
This kind of turns me on because there have been occasions where I have fantasised about simply walking or standing for my Master, but being made to walk or stand in a way which he found pleasing. I had an orgasm as I imagined that it was me being made to walk and display myself for my Master’s pleasure. I asked for permission to have an orgasm. Afterwards, I got out of bed, and with my pussy still very wet, I got down on the floor and said my oath, and then thanked my Master for the orgasm. I stayed in my submission position for a couple of minutes, then asked for permission to get up and get ready for work.
I phoned my Master at 1.30 pm from the car. It was warm today, and a lot warmer in the car, but not as hot as in Xxxxxxx. When he answered the phone, it was lovely to hear him. He said the heat at night makes it difficult to sleep, but he said that he will have another early night again, and try to catch up on some sleep. He asked me what I was wearing today. I said I had trousers on. He asked if I was wearing any panties, and I said that I was. He said that he hadn’t said I could wear any. I had taken his instruction yesterday to not wear any panties as just applying to yesterday. Up until now he has done this on a daily basis. I think he could tell that I was trying to apologise and said it was OK, but not to wear anything tomorrow. I won’t, nor will I wear any for each day afterwards, until he says otherwise. Once I’ve changed at home, I never wear panties anyway, and obviously nothing at night, so my pussy is going to be free of panties for some time. Afterwards as I walked back to the office, I wish I had gone to work without panties. That way he would have been really pleased.
When I got home, I checked my e-mail. I then had a bath, and shaved. Everywhere is nicely shaved and smooth. Especially around my pussy. I think I am improving at shaving there. I think my Master would be pleased. After having dinner, and starting to work on my diary, it was soon time to phone him. I went upstairs and got ready. I still had 10 minutes, so spent that time in front of the mirror displaying my cunt for my Master, from the front and then from the back. At 9.00 pm I phoned him, and it was so nice when he answered. It will be Thursday and Friday when it is going to be difficult to get hold of him at work. We talked for a while, and had a lovely intimate chat. He asked me what I was reading. I am reading Venus In Furs at night, and this other book at other times (in the bath, etc). I think he could tell that I was still nervous. He said to relax and not get too nervous or apprehensive. It’s more like nervous excitement. I still get sexually aroused though. Just talking with him makes me wet. (I did touch myself afterwards, but refrained from touching too much, because I shouldn’t be masturbating like that). But he said to relax, as there’s nothing else I can do, but then he thought for a minute, and said that I could get myself a high neck black choker. I think I know the style he means. And to start wearing it. Nobody would know what it meant, but I would. He then said he would have to go, and said to phone him in the morning. I would have loved to have talked for longer, but I know that I can’t.
I’m glad he has suggested I get this choker, because I think I need some kind of physical reminder. Naturally it is up to him to decide everything that happens, but I long to feel him controlling my life more and more in all sorts of ways. After we talked, I kept my collar on, and came downstairs to work on my diary.
After finishing my diary, I sent a kinky card to my Master. It was a nice drawing of a slave on the floor kissing her master’s feet. But I really do feel like that. My submission to my Master is growing. I still had my collar on and kept it on as I went to bed to masturbate for him. I put the small vibrator on my clit, and used just a single peg on each nipple for a little bit more stimulation.
I fantasised about how my Master was telling me that soon I was going to be tattooed, and would then be identified as his property. He said “you know how and where you are going to be marked, don’t you?”. I said “yes Master”, and then as I stood naked before him, he had me describe it to him. I said that I will be marked with my Master’s initials. In ornate capital. Above this is a crown with 9 points on it. The mark will be on my pubic mound, just above my pussy. I got aroused going through this in my mind, imagining the detail of the tattoo and how it will look. I became very wet although I didn’t have an orgasm. But after masturbating I was still feeling very submissive towards my Master, and for 20 minutes I practiced some of my positions on the floor. I got into the face down, ass up position and displayed myself like that with my arms outstretched in front of me. I held myself like that for 10 minutes. My body was aching but I tried to relax the muscles and focus on what I was doing. I then got onto my hands and knees, and got into the proper table position. Finally I got into my submission position and said my oath. I stayed like that for several minutes, still with my collar on. When I got up, I went to the bathroom then came back to bed, I took off my collar, and settled down to sleep, naked. My final thoughts before I fell asleep were of Lxxxxx , my Master.
Wednesday, June 26
I woke up at around 7.30 am, and masturbated for my Master. I like the feeling of knowing that I am doing this for him. And although I obviously do get some sexual satisfaction out of it, he could stop me masturbating altogether if he wishes. So he is definitely in control. I put my collar on, put the small vibrator on my clit, and laid on my stomach. Again I imagined my Master ordering me to start masturbating for him. The thought of that really does turn me on – I can’t help it. I start to get wet so quickly, imagining that he is there controlling my sexual responses so much.
I fantasised about being displayed for my Master. I was wearing a tight corset, which pulled in my waist and pushed up my breasts. The top of the corset came to just below my breasts, and held them, but my breasts were completely exposed. I wore black stockings and very high-heeled shoes. I imagined my Master having me stand displaying my naked cunt and breasts for him. He said that this will be my normal dress from now on when I serve him in the evenings, and I will wear high-heels around the house always.
I think that a fantasy like this is because of the books I have been reading. Although it definitely turns me on. But in these books, the women are always dressed so that their ass, breasts and legs are shown off to their fullest, and their cunt and ass are always exposed, available for use.
Afterwards it was time to get up and get ready for work. I got out of bed, and got down on the floor and said my oath. After washing, I got dressed – stockings, suspender belt, a nice bra, skirt (just above the knee), top and shoes. No panties. I wore a shorter skirt than I did a couple of days ago, to make up for yesterday when I went to work wearing panties. At work during the morning I was aware of my situation, but happy nevertheless. At least I am different to the other women in the office. Or maybe there is someone else like me. You never know. That’s the thing about this, nobody is aware of what is going on, or about the changes which I am going through (although the people who I am closer to know that I am with Lxxxxx , but they have no idea of what our relationship is about). And certainly nobody would guess that on some days I am naked under by skirt.
At about 1.10 pm I walked up to the car, and phoned the optician. Again it wasn’t good news. The glasses had been delivered but again rejected, due to imperfections in the tinting. The optician said they would call back later in the afternoon and let me know just what is going on. After that it was still only 1.15 and too hot (strange for England!) to sit in the car, so I just had a walk around the block (less than 10 minutes). (Thinking now, I could have gone to the park). It was nice feeling a breeze on my naked pussy. At times like this I definitely do feel different. I got back to the car, and phoned him. Strangely the line was busy (engaged) on the first couple of attempts. I left if for a second or two, then tried again, and got through this time.
Unfortunately Lxxxxx had a bad headache. He said that yesterday was a little bit more humid, but now he was having to suffer because of it. He said that this is one thing which makes him worry about moving back to Canada. He had bad headaches there. It would be just as bad in the UK. I suppose it would be best for him staying in the US somewhere. However he was pleased that I had called him. I mentioned that there wasn’t any good new from the optician, but that I should have some news one way or another for him when I phone later in the evening. He said to phone him at 1.00 pm, and I said to him that I hoped he would feel better as the morning went on. I then walked back to the office, again feeling the cool air between my legs.
After work I went swimming. I had a good half hour swim. Back at home, I checked my e-mail. There was a message from Lxxxxx thanking me for the tea, but unfortunately he was still feeling bad as his headache had not improved much. Also he is having problems with the car, and it is probably going to have to go into the garage. I had a bath, and shaved again. I like to keep my body nicely shaved for him. I put plenty of moisturizer on too. It was then going up to 9.00 pm. So instead of having dinner, I decided to relax upstairs and get myself ready to phone my Master. I put on my collar and laid on the bed, and read some of my book. Again with this book, the fantasies are pretty much pushed to the limit.
At 9.00 pm I phoned him. He wasn’t feeling too brilliant, he still had headache. But we had a nice chat. I thanked him for the letters I had received today. Lxxxxx liked the stamps with the double-decker buses that I sent. I thought he would like them. He is sending back the literature that came with the stamps, and said to try and get the bus models. He said to work on looking for a cameo choker. I do know the style he means. He said that we would then try and get it engraved with his initials. When he said that, it was clear what it’s purpose was going to be (which I knew anyway), but having his initials on it would make it so much more meaningful. Yes, it would be really nice.
After finishing my diary, etc, I again looked forward to my night-time session. Although as I have said, I get sexual satisfaction from this, I also see this time as time for me to be closer to my Master. And even if I don’t have an orgasm, I am still achieving this closeness. Tonight I used the butt plug. I kind of wanted to have some more feeling there, as I give my pussy and nipples plenty of stimulation, but neglect my ass. Using this helps remind me that my anus is also available to be used in the same way as my cunt is. And to be honest I think it is also these books I am reading. In that book, Controlling Christine, her anus and cunt were filled with dildos practically all the time, apart from the time she was allowed for washing, or when her master wanted to fuck her.
I put on my collar, and put one of the small vibrators right inside my pussy, turned on. To hold it in place I put on a black exercise leotard (I used to use this a lot when I used to masturbate before I met Lxxxxx , when I wanted to hold some kind of nipple stimulator in place). Because of the butt plug, the sensations were quite different. I got very turned on knowing that my anus and cunt were filled in this way, and that I couldn’t help myself but respond to the stimulation. Laying like this led me to have some of my more extreme fantasies – you could say some of my ‘darkest desires’.
My Master was training me anally. He was accomplishing this in 2 ways. One was to stretch the muscles of the anus by insertion of a large butt plug for several hours at a time. He was using progressively larger plugs and dildos which could be inserted and held securely, and in doing so thoroughly testing my willingness to endure the discomfort. Secondly, while my Master wanted to have my rear opening stretched, at the same time he also wanted to ensure that the muscles maintained their tone. So for an hour or so at a time, he had me position myself and he used my anus as his crop holder. I had to use my muscles to ensure that it stayed there. If I let it drop, then I received a dozen or so strokes, after which the crop was replaced in it’s holder. Alternatively he would insert a smaller sized butt plug which would not stay in place on it’s own accord. I had to hold it there using my muscles. Throughout all this training, my cunt was also filled with a large vibrator, and held securely in place. While I was receiving this training, my Master also proceeded to progress with my training as a toilet slave. I was led by my leash to the kitchen to the place where I ate. My Master had prepared my food and placed it in a bowl that was now on the floor. He had also drenched the food with his pee. My Master said that part of my training is to have the taste of his pee in my mouth constantly, and to begin to desire it, so that by the time my training was complete, I would be begging for it. I got down on the floor, and while I ate, I had to work the muscles of my anus to hold the smaller butt plug in place. This turned me on so much. I must have masturbated for about an hour, although I didn’t have an orgasm.
I was wondering recently how it would feel to sleep in my collar. Well I have found out. After masturbating, I laid in bed still feeling (and enjoying) the sensations in my ass and cunt, and the collar around my neck. I was enjoying the feeling of being “held” in this way, and of knowing that I am becoming more accepting of my situation as my Master’s slave. I must have drifted off to sleep, because I woke up at nearly 3.00 am. Immediately the feelings of having my collar on and the penetration in my ass and cunt gave me such wonderful feelings, and I was soon aroused again. My pussy was really still wet from earlier, and as I started to masturbate and fantasise again, it became more wet. It was so erotic masturbating like this, imagining that it was at my Master’s command. I was imagining that every night I am penetrated like this, so that my Master can have me masturbate for him whenever he likes, even in the middle of the night. I didn’t have an orgasm, but I was very aroused. After about 20 minutes I had to bring myself down. I went to the bathroom to remove the butt plug and vibrator, and clean myself up. I then took off my collar and got back into bed. Naked, I curled up and sunk into the comfort of my bed, feeling happy and lucky that Lxxxxx is my Master.
Thursday, June 27
In the morning I woke up and reached for one of the small vibrators. Thinking about my extra session in the night, made me realise how I have changed. I don’t know if I should have masturbated during the night really. My Master says to masturbate twice a day only. But I relish my masturbation so much, and the fact that I am doing it because it is my Master’s wish. I have become a very sexual being. I get turned on very easily, even the sound of my Master’s voice turns me on, especially when he is being firm with me, yet almost gentle at the same time, but still demanding and uncompromising.
I put on my collar, laid on my stomach, spread my legs, and put the vibrator to my clit. Straightaway the unrelenting vibrations made me wet, and as I imagined my Master ordering me to continue masturbating until he said to stop I became more and more turned on. I pushed my pussy downwards and rubbed my clit along the top part of the vibrator, moving my hips as I did, imagining that my Master was watching, enjoying the performance. He then started to rub himself, and then straddled me and started to push the tip of his cock between my bum and legs. The movement from my hips stimulated him more. When he was ready he grabbed my hips, pulled me towards him, and pushed himself into me so deeply, and fucked me hard. When he was near to cumming he pulled out, and began to turn me over to face him. I automatically offered my open mouth to him. He fucked me in the mouth until he came, and I could taste his beautiful cum. I laid in bed for a couple of minutes, but then had to get up.
I was running a bit late, so had to quickly get ready for work. I got out of bed, got down on the floor, and said my oath. The words mean so much more now. I washed and dressed. I wore my long brown skirt again. No panties. My Master has had me go to work with no panties on a few occasions, or has had me take them off at lunchtime, but this is the first time that I have been like this for 2 days running. It is beginning to sink in now that I must do as he says. When I’m like this I am very aware that my cunt, anus, and bum and naked and exposed. I am aware that he’s not doing this to punish me. At least I don’t think so. Rather I think it is to prove to me that he can control me from a distance, and to simply get me used to not wearing panties, because as he said right from the start, there will be very few times when I will wear panties in his presence. Maybe also, it is a lesson in humility.
During the morning I had a phone call from the optician. This new supplier can do the lenses but can’t do green. They can offer brown or grey. At 1.30 I phoned my Master from the car. He had a much better night’s sleep, and his headache had gone. I was really pleased, but I didn’t want to trouble him with the news from the optician just when he had woken up.
When I got home, I checked my e-mail. My Master had sent a reply to my e-mail to him about the cameo choker. He said that what he had in mind was a black ribbon, and a silver cameo. His initials and the crown will be engraved on it, in the same design as I am going to be tattooed with. I think for the first time, I am beginning to accept that I am finally going to be marked and will also wear a ‘collar’ that identifies me as his property. It has taken me a long time to get to this stage. I just hope it is all going to be worth it. And I most sincerely hope that nothing happens along the way that is going to freak me out.
My Master had said to call him around 2.00 to 2.30 pm his time. While I was working on my diary, I checked my e-mail. He had sent me a message to say it would be OK to phone at 1.00 pm as usual. By now it was 9.30 pm, so I quickly took the phone cable upstairs, plugged it into the phone, got undressed, put on my collar, and phoned him. Luckily he was there, and it was wonderful to hear him. I was hoping that he wouldn’t be upset that I hadn’t phoned earlier. I said I was sorry, and that I had only just seen his e-mail. He said it was OK. He’d had some bad news from the garage. The car is going to cost over $600. But besides that, we had a very nice, intimate chat. He can always make me laugh when he wants to. That’s one of the things I really love him for. We talked about the glasses, and he said to go to the optician, take a look at what they’ve done already, and if it’s not too bad, take it, but make sure that I give them a hard time and get a good deal. I will do that on Saturday morning, and also look around for silver cameos. Before he had to let me go, I asked my Master if it was alright for me to go to work tomorrow in jeans, as it was Friday. He said yes, and I could also wear panties. If he had said that I had to wear a skirt and continue wearing no panties, I would have done, because I am now so longing for him to take more control of my life. I will do things and dress as he says, although I am still unsure about having my status displaying in public, especially while I am still living here. When I move and am totally free of my life here, and I’m with my Master, then I will have fewer reservations about my status.
After we hung up, I laid on the bed for a few minutes, then came downstairs to work on my diary. I kept my collar on, and feeling it around my neck now, I am imagining how I will feel once I get my own personal collar. Even now sat here at the computer, I am starting to fly high, feeling the collar around my neck and what it means. When my Master was here, I used to be a bit shy of him seeing what I was writing in my diary, even though I knew he would read it afterwards. I would give anything to have him here now. I’m shaking, imagining feeling his hand as it brushes against my face, or feeling his touch on my naked shoulder.
Soon after finishing my e-mails to my Master, I went to bed. I was already naked, so was ready for my night time session. I again used the butt plug, and one of the smaller vibrators on my clit. I laid on my stomach and started to fantasise. I fantasised about being controlled and trained as a fuck toy for my Master. I was quickly coming under his control by the continual use of a butt plug in my ass and a vibrator in my cunt, being gagged and having my arms tied securely. I was in a kneeling position, learning that I was merely a fuck toy, to be used as and when my master wished. I was leaning that I would always be ready for use. The butt plug and vibrator were ensuring that I was being kept in that state. If my Master wanted to fuck me in the mouth, then he would remove the gag but leave the other 2 holes filled. And after satisfying himself he would replace the gag, with the taste of his cum still in my mouth, and would then leave me kneeling in the same position. If he wanted to fuck me in the cunt, then the vibrator would be removed, but the butt plug would be left firmly in place, and the gag too, and the vibrator would be replaced after he had finished using me. I got so wet imagining this.
After I had masturbated for about 40 minutes, I laid on the bed, enjoying the sensation of having my ass filled like this. I then went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I came back to bed and settled down to go to sleep.
If my Master has me insert a butt plug for a day again, although he said to use the medium one next time, I will probably ask him if I could please use the large one. I think the effect it has on me is better than the medium one. The medium one I can feel now and then, but the larger one can be felt all the time. It is a good constant reminder. I will probably ache a little afterwards again, but it will be worth it. And I think I am getting used to it more now anyway.
Friday, June 28
I love the feeling of waking up naked each morning. I started to masturbate using one of the small vibrators. I fantasised about how each morning I get up out of bed before my Master. I put on my choker collar, and the high heels I am required to wear at all times around the house, and go around to his side of the bed, and wait in a kneeling up position for him to wake up properly. My collar and my tattoo both clear mark me as my Master’s property. After a few moments my Master stirred, and laid in bed on his side, looking at me, his slave, and he smiled. Still kneeling patiently, I waited for his command. And then he said “Please me”. I knew what he wanted. I took off my shoes, and climbed back onto the bed, and started to suck his cock. As I did this, I displayed my cunt for him.
As I imagined him saying to me to please him, I became even more aroused, and my pussy was so wet, as I rubbed it repetitively on the vibrator. Also the idea of always wearing high heels around the house really turns me on. I was imagining how my Master finds it so attractive to look at. (I don’t know what it would be like in real life though).
When I got up I got down on the floor and said my oath. I then got myself ready for work. My Master had said that it was OK for me to wear jeans today. In the morning at work, I phoned the optician to check that they had the glasses there, and said that I will be there tomorrow to have a look at them. If they are anywhere near acceptable, I will take them, and get them sent off to Lxxxxx . He has told me to push them hard for a good discount.
I have now read about ¾ of this other book I got with Controlling Christine. It started off OK – with some of the training methods enforced on this woman being fairly erotic and a turn on, but as it’s gone on, the methods of torment and torture have got more and more elaborate, and outrageous. However, the main idea of the book of subjecting a woman to such levels of physical control and humiliation still turn me on. I’ll probably finish the book later today, and see what the woman’s ultimate fate is!
I think after I have finished this book, I’ll need to tone down my reading material. Venus In Furs is OK, because it’s erotic, but not over the top, and slightly more realistic too. I will start to study the massage book, and read part of the book I got on Xxxxxxx. The sections on the history of the city are very interesting.
I am really looking forward to talking with my Master this weekend. We get little opportunity to talk openly during the week. I think I am in need of some feedback from him, about what I am writing in my diary, and about how I am developing at the moment.
I do feel that I am going through a fairly positive stage of my development. I feel more committed to the relationship, more accepting of my status, and less inclined to fight it. I have recently started to become more accepting of the fact that I will be pierced and tattooed. My Master has also recently described to me the type of collar he wishes me to wear. I really do hope that this is not just a phase, but the start of my deepening commitment and submission to him. But I would really like to talk with him about all this, to see how he thinks I am progressing. Hopefully he can pick up some signs, that I am unaware of, that indicate that I am progressing in the right direction.
I remember him asking me some time ago why I wanted to be his slave, and I said it was because I loved him. He said that that was not enough. I think now that I would also say that I have the desire. And also my desire is starting to become stronger than the logical thoughts in my mind that hold me back. A lot of this desire is fuelled by my sexual and erotic desires, but also there is a desire to simply please. The desire to serve is linked closely with my sexual desires, because I still find serving him, in whatever way he wishes, and obeying him, extremely erotic at times.
I think finally after more than 20 years of having these desires locked away inside me, it is time for them to be released. And I’m sure that my Master is capable of pulling every last deep desire out of me, and making me realise that I even have desires that I never knew about. But he has already done that. For instance, I never realised that I would long so much to be trained to drink pee, and be used as a toilet. On the face of it, it seems awful and degrading, but when you get over that, it is in fact so intimate and erotic, and the degradation and humiliation simply add to the experience. What I do fantasise about so much is to be trained and used like this in a way so that it becomes a natural part of my everyday duties, rather than a “special” event. I dream about the ritual of serving my Master as his toilet every morning as he pees, and then licking his cock and his ass clean. And being used to lick his ass clean whether he has shitted or not. It makes no difference. I know this won’t be easy, but if my Master wants this, I know that he can train me, no matter what methods he has to use.
I think to some extent, my Master will always get a better performance from me is he keeps me in a state of some degradation or humiliation, during these early months. Just being kept naked and wearing only a collar day after day will eventually start to have an effect. Once I have become fully accepting of my status as my Master’s slave, then maybe degradation and humiliation will not be needed so much. I’m pretty sure he didn’t have to treat Jxxxxxx like that (but then she was different, because she never had any problems in accepting things).
When I left work, I had my swim. I had a good ½ hour swim, and I think I am beginning to feel better for swimming regularly. I will be going again on Sunday morning. I checked my mail when I got back, and then had a nice bath and shaved. I have been shaving every day for a few days now. I always like it when I am recently shaved before I phone my Master. Later as I was working on my diary, I checked my mail again, and he had sent a message saying that he had finished earlier, and that I could phone him at 1.00 pm. It was a nice feeling knowing that I would be talking with him soon. At 8.50 pm I went upstairs and got ready. When I dialled the number, my heart was beating. It was wonderful when I heard him. He is OK, although would still have preferred to have been off work today. But at least he will be leaving early. He has received my “little ewe”, and he said he will hang it in the office.
After we talked, I came back to finish my diary. I had my collar on, and apart from that I was naked. When I had finished my diary I went to bed, and had my night time masturbation session. When I masturbate, while my fantasies are things that turn me on, they aren’t always things that I would like to happen in real life.
For instance, I was fantasising about the fact that my Master had instructed me to always wear high heels around the house. This does turn me on. I can imagine waking up each morning, and instead of putting on a pair of comfortable slippers or going around bare foot, I must put on the high heels which I left at the side of the bed, after taking them off before getting into bed the night before. And I know that I wear them purely for my Master’s visual pleasure. I fantasised about this, going over the detail of it time and time again, and got very wet, and then my fantasy took a different turn. I was imagining that my Master had caught me in the bathroom bare foot. For this, my Master punished me. After putting on my shoes, I was ordered to stand at the bottom of the bed, spread my legs and bend over. He cropped me hard, saying that he will not tolerate disobedience from me.
I didn’t have an orgasm, probably because my fantasy had gone in the “wrong” direction. Actually I find just fantasising about walking around the house knowing that I am pleasing my Master more erotic, than receiving such a punishment. (But I certainly do fantasise about being cropped, but not as a punishment). The swimming pool I go to is kind of fairly basic, and to get to the ladies changing rooms you have to walk down a tiled corridor. When I was there yesterday, I was thinking that I would love to parade up and down here for my Master, so that I could learn to walk nicely for him. The sound of my high heels on such a floor would be nice to hear.
Saturday, June 29
Yesterday, my Master said that he might phone me later. I woke up this morning, and looked at the clock. It was around 6.00 am. I wondered if my Master was perhaps going to phone. I must have fallen asleep again, because my alarm clock went off at 7.30 am. I thought to myself that he isn’t going to phone. Then, about 10 minutes later, the phone rang. I knew that it would be him, and I struggled to put my collar on as quick as I could, then picked up the phone. He said “Who am I?”, and I answered that “I am your slave, Master”. After a few moments, he said that he wasn’t hearing me saying my oath. I mustn’t have heard him, or maybe I am to say my oath straight away. I got down on the floor, and said my oath. He then told me to get back on the bed and to spread my legs.
He asked me if I had masturbated this morning yet, and when I said that I hadn’t, he said well do it now then. He didn’t say to definitely touch my pussy, or to put a certain number of fingers in there, so I just began to rub it. It was already so wet. He then said to get the clamps and put them on my pussy lips. I asked him whether he wanted them on the inner lips or the outer ones. I think he was being kind to me, and said to put them on the outer ones. I have got used to the feeling of them on the outer lips now. I think the key is to relax, and not to think that they are going to be so painful. Because if you think they are going to hurt, then they will. He also said to put a butt plug in. The large one was in the bathroom, from when I had last used it, so I put the medium one in. My Master asked me what my fantasy was. I said that it was all the things that I had written down in my diary. Strangely, he picked up the thing about the shoes, and he instructed me to get myself 2 pairs of high heeled shoes – one black and one white. I know the type he likes, and I will get these. He also instructed me to get myself a black corset and a white one, and to start wearing them. He said this will push my breasts up, and will pull my waist in. He said that this is how I will be dressed sometimes, wearing stockings too, and my collar and leash. He said that when I am in the house by myself I don’t have to be on a leash, but if he is there then I do, and if I get home before him, I will be waiting by the door for him, with my leash attached. He will then inspect me.
My Master then said that sometimes I will be tied at night. He said that he is going to modify his bed slightly so that he can do this. I can’t really think what he has in mind, but I think this kind of control will be good for me. He then said that I will start sleeping with a vibrator inside my cunt. It will remain there all night. He said that although he isn’t here right now, I must still always ask permission before using the loo. Also from now on I am to masturbate once a day – in the evening. But each morning when I get up I am to still get down on the floor and say my oath to him. When I get the opportunity, I will ask him that when I masturbate should I just masturbate to orgasm, or does he want me to masturbate for a fixed length of time, regardless of whether I have an orgasm or not. What I have been doing up until now, is masturbating until orgasm and then stopping. If it looks like I’m not going to have an orgasm I stop after about an hour. If my Master said that even if I have an orgasm I must continue masturbating until I have masturbated for at least 1 hour, it would help to emphasise the fact that I masturbate for him and not for my own pleasure. Also anything I have used, e.g. pegs, to stimulate me start to become a little bit painful after orgasm, so to have to continue masturbating would be interesting. To be honest, just imagining my Master saying “continue masturbating, slave” would start to turn me on, and so the pain would disappear again …..
My Master then told me that my cunt belongs to him, as does everything else, including my mouth and tongue. And he will use my tongue as a cleaning implement to clean his cock after he has peed, and once in a while clean his ass after he has shitted. But he said the latter will not happen very often. And if he wants to pee in my mouth, then he will. He mentioned my fantasy of me waking and kneeling by his side of the bed. He says I will do this, and will wake him up by sucking on his cock, and then he will invite me into his bed. I will straddle him and continue sucking, and present my cunt to him for him to play with, or bite, or lick, whatever he wants. And he said that it is going to be pierced. He wants me to really start getting used to the idea that I am going to be pierced and tattooed. He says he wants me to crave it. He described how, if he wants to show off my rings and tattoo to someone, he will have me raise my skirt if I am wearing a skirt, and hold it up so that my piercing rings and tattoo can be seen, or pull down my jeans if I am wearing jeans. He had me repeat this to him. But I am to only show them to someone when my Master says so, and not to anyone else. And I am to be proud of them. I am to be proud of the fact that I’m my Master’s property.
My Master is increasing the level of control over me. He says that when I talk to him on the phone each evening, I must discuss with him what I propose to wear the next day at work. I must tell him whether I have a meeting that day or not. And I guess he will either give his approval, or make changes as necessary. And I guess he will decide whether or not I am to wear panties. He then said that when I go to Xxxxxxxx today to collect his sunglasses I am to insert a vibrator in my pussy, and leave it there until I get back.
He then wanted me to make him cum. I started to say that my cunt belongs to him, that I am his cunt, and he can do anything he likes to His cunt – fuck it and have it pierced and locked. And that my mouth belongs to him, to lick him and suck him. He was then close to cumming, and said to open my mouth. I could imagine his lovely cum filling my mouth. As I came back down, I felt completely submissive towards him.
We talked for a few more minutes. He was going to sleep now, and said to phone him at 7.00 am. Before we hung up, I checked again with him whether he wanted me to wear a skirt, or would jeans be alright? He said it was fine for me to wear jeans today. After a couple of minutes, I got up and started to get ready to go out. After washing and putting on make up, I started to get dressed. I had picked out a black bra and matching panties. I then turned the vibrator on and put it completely inside my pussy. But the panties weren’t going to hold it there properly. So I put on my black leotard top. It fits very securely. It also holds my breasts well. I then put a nice top on and my jeans, brown boots, and brown cord jacket. I put on my Master’s perfume – Amazone, and then I was ready. As I got into the car, I was very much aware of the vibrator. I got into a fairly comfortable position and set off. If anything it makes me drive more carefully!
In Xxxxxxxxxx I went to the optician’s first. I was there for about 15 minutes. The glasses were good enough to take and send to my Master. I didn’t have to pay for them today. They said that if he was unhappy, then they would see what else they could do. Of course this would mean having to get the frames back.
All the while I could feel the continuing buzzing inside my pussy. I was starting to feel it’s effect. It sort of made me feel more serious, aware of my new status. Once or twice I really felt like a woman who was no longer free; instead I am a woman who is now under the control of her Master. There were also a few moments too when I almost forgot about it. As I walked along, I was imagining that I was with my Master, and that maybe he had also had me insert a butt plug too, and he was saying to me that I should get used to the feeling, and start to enjoy it even. I had lunch at Hudson’s sandwich bar where my Master and I went. As I sat there sipping my coffee, looking all prim and proper, I was very much aware of my situation. I felt so different. After I had finished all I needed to do, I headed home. The traffic coming out of the city was heavy, and by the time I got home, it was a few minutes after 3.00 pm. I hurriedly got the stuff from the car, and went upstairs, quickly got undressed and put on my collar. With the vibrator still inside, I laid on the bed, and phoned my Master. Thankfully he wasn’t upset that I was a few minutes late. He sounded as though he had been awake for a while.
I told him all about the glasses, and he said that I had done well. I was so pleased. He then asked me how it had been driving and walking with the vibrator inside. I said how it had made me feel, and told him that I was really aware of it as I stood in such a long queue for about 10 minutes at Superdrug, feeling it working away on my pussy. He said that I had really done well today. That made me feel so good. He said that he might phone me tonight. Before we hung up I asked if it was OK to take the vibrator out. He said yes, take it out, and we then said bye.
Actually I thought that when I got home, he might have me put the butt plug in for the rest of the day. But instead he said to have a wonderful rest of the day. He is so wonderful to me. I am grateful to him for increasing the level of control, because I think I need it, but I appreciate it when he gives me time to “do my own thing”. I guess while we are still apart, he can’t control me 24/7.
Before I went out this morning, I read the e-mail that my Master had sent. He said not to concentrate too much on the sexual thing. While he definitely does control my sexuality, it is the fact that I am always available for him that is important. I do understand this. He said that I should get my pleasure from serving him, no matter what the task. Whether it is doing his shopping, preparing his breakfast, lunch or dinner, ironing his clothes, cleaning his shoes, it shouldn’t matter. What should matter is that I am serving him. And I do understand this too. When he was here, I did these things for him, and took pleasure in it.
I am alright doing things like ironing, washing, cleaning the house, cleaning his shoes, things like that, in fact I’ll be happy to do these things, even though I know I have to anyway. And on a day to day basis, I’ll do these things without any sexual connotations. But if he has me clean his shoes, for instance, naked, wearing only my collar, then I’ll probably get aroused. But he’ll probably just ignore me anyway, and let me get on with my task (lol). But when it comes to cooking, I still get a little nervous wondering whether I have done it the way he likes it, etc. And I’ll probably be nervous too when I’m in Xxxxxxxx again. At least here, I’m more familiar with everything in the kitchen, and I know where everything is.
But generally, my Master said that I was progressing very well under the circumstances.
I watched a movie on TV tonight. I sort of felt guilty, indulging myself. I’m sure that he would say go ahead. The thing is I want to do all I can now to ensure that when we are together again in September I slip easily into my role. I don’t want it to be a sudden culture shock! I mean, when I’m with him in September, apart from the time when he is at work, how much “free” time will I have? And even when he is at work, I would prefer it anyway if he gives me lots of jobs to do. That way it keeps my mind busy.
When it got to around 11.30 pm, I started to get ready for bed. My Master said that he might perhaps phone around midnight. I was in the bathroom, just finishing getting ready, when I heard the phone ringing in the bedroom. I was already naked, but I didn’t have my collar on, but I picked up the phone. He said to relax about things. My getting nervous about things starts to make him nervous. I said to him that it is easier when I am with him, because I don’t have to be thinking, should I be doing this or that, or whatever, because he sets the schedule. He said that a lot of things are easier, especially if you have a couple of million in the bank, and then you could have a couple of houses – one in Canada and one in Spain. We talked a little about Toronto. I said that this guy at work has been helpful. Lxxxxx knows the area where he lives. We then talked about the progress of Lxxxxx ’s photo album. He says that he has used the stickers, even the first Union Jack one that I sent. But the others too, and the Wales one. He said to see if I could get the postcards that accompany the double-decker stamps.
My Master then asked what I was wearing. I said nothing, and he said good. He asked if I was wearing my collar, and I said actually no. I thought he might say something about always putting it on before I talk with him on the phone, but he just said to put it on now. He then said to say my oath. He said that he can see that I am desiring this more and more now. And I said yes I am. Some things are starting to come more easily and naturally now. I don’t have quite so many hang ups or worries. Still some, but not as many! He then asked had I finished what I was doing in the bathroom, and I said yes I had. He then said to hang on for a moment. I laid on the bed on my back, legs up, and could feel my body starting to perspire, waiting for him to come back to the phone.
My apologies now, if I get some of the following out of sequence. Such a lot happens during a session on the phone with my Master, as he takes me from one high to the next.
He said to put the clamps on my nipples. I put them on. I actually like the feeling now. He then had me put 2 pegs on each pussy lip and one on my clit. As I said, I like the clamps on my nipples, even with the chain dangling down, but when he has me pull the chain, it’s still more than I can bear. He loves to hear me cry out with the pain. And when I did, he said that’s what he wants to hear. He then had me bark for him, and he said he will fuck me and have me bark at the same time. He had me continue barking and told me to fuck myself with 3 fingers in my cunt.
My Master then described how he will crop me, how I will beg him to please crop me. After each stroke I will say “Thank you Master. Give me more please”. He knows how I long to feel his crop, how I long to feel the pain and the pleasure intermingled. And I will beg for it. He then told me to take off the nipple clamps and the pegs and to put one of the clamps on my clit, and to pull it. He wanted to hear me scream, and tell him that I loved him. He then said to take it off, and to start to fuck myself. My pussy was so wet, and I fucked myself so greedily. Three fingers were going in and out so easily, penetrating so deep, feeling right inside myself. My Master said that when I masturbate, I am to always masturbate to orgasm, even if it takes 3 hours!
My Master then said to imagine being tied, with my legs up, ankles tied to my wrists, with my ass and cunt exposed. I would be helpless, not knowing what was going to happen. All I would know is that he had lit some candles, and then suddenly I would feel hot wax on my nipples and then on my clit, and then ice, and he would put the ice inside my cunt. He would crop my ass, and then fuck me with the end of his whip, and then fuck me in the cunt. Then he said to imagine another slave sitting on my face. I would lick her cunt and taste her pussy juice. Then he would switch around. She would be tied, then cropped, and I would sit on her face, while she licked my cunt. And then she would be ordered to lick my ass, penetrate my anus deeply with her tongue, and if she didn’t comply, my Master would beat her silly. When he said that, it really turned me on. I’d got so wet, I just fucked myself harder and deeper. And while she was doing this, he would be fucking her in the cunt, and he would then cum inside her cunt. And I would want my reward – his cum, because it belongs to me. I would put my tongue inside her cunt, so deeply, to get every last drop of his beautiful cum.
My Master then wanted me to make him cum. I said that I was fucking myself, His cunt, so deeply, and that I belong to him. He said that I only belong to him when I am tattooed and pierced. I said that I want his tattoo and I want to be pierced. When I come home, with my cunt locked as is has been all day, I will be dripping, longing to feel my Master inside me. And I’ll beg him to please fuck me. “Master, please fuck me”. And then he was close to cumming, and he said to open my mouth, and I could imagine the taste of his cum as it filled my mouth.
It took a few moments to come down. I still had my fingers inside my pussy. We talked for a few minutes longer. Lxxxxx said that he had tried that free sample tea. Awful he said. He’ll perhaps send me one back to try. Before hanging up I asked him whether or not I had to sleep with a vibrator inside me. He said no, just to sleep, and to take off my collar. He said that I had done well today. I laid there for a moment, then took off my collar. I had to change the bottom sheet on the bed. It was wet with perspiration. I then sunk into a comfortable sleep.
One thing that does turn me on about there being another slave, is seeing my Master having his devilish way with her, being sadistic even. And if she were more of a masochist than me, then I’d love to see what he could really do. In the book that I finally finished, this woman realised that she was a masochist, but that she also had a hidden sadistic streak too. And even while she was undergoing such physical torment, she took delight in watching others suffer. The book didn’t really have an “ending”. It was just left with this woman continuing her existence as a total object, to be used and subjected to any amount of pain, restriction, suffering and humiliation that her owners wished. Towards the end she was being used as a human garbage disposal unit. A contraption was fitted to her head and mouth, and with her mouth forced open, left-over food, drink, anything really, was ground up into a pulp before her eyes and forced into her mouth. A bit over the top! It would be just as kinky for me to be my Master’s puppy sat on the floor, and being fed little bits of scrap from the table. And if he fed me by hand, perhaps I would get to lick his fingers. That would be nice!
Sunday, June 30
I woke up during the night. It was about 4.00 am. I needed to go to the bathroom, as I usually drink ½ ltr bottle of water before going to sleep. I got out of bed, and stood properly, naked, by the bed, and asked my Master for permission to pee. I paused for a second as I imagined him giving me permission, and then said “Thank you Master”. I was pleased with myself. Firstly I had remembered, and secondly I didn’t feel awkward or embarrassed doing it. The first time he said I had to start doing this, it seemed strange, and sometimes I would forget, or remember at the last minute. But this time, I did it right. (Secretly, I can’t wait for the time when I am with him, and he doesn’t give his permission. But then hopefully it will all start to be natural, him saying yes I can go, or if he has something else he wants me to do, then saying no I can’t go just yet. But I trust him, and know that he is not going to anything to harm me, it’s just another way of him showing me that he is in control).
When I woke up later, I got out of bed, put on my collar, got down on the floor and said my oath. I then took off my collar, and got ready to go swimming. I had a good ½ hour swim. When I got back home, I checked my e-mail, sent a “good morning” message to Lxxxxx , then had some breakfast, and started work on my diary.
I then had a bath, washed my hair, and shaved again. After that I came back to the computer to get my diary up to date. I have been looking on the Internet for corsets. As usual there are plenty sites. I will send some pictures to my Master for him to let me know what style to get. You can get corsets which cover the breasts, some which just cup them and others which come just under the breasts. Then some are more plain than others. There shouldn’t be any problem getting something. Colour shouldn’t be a problem either. Most styles come in at least black and white. However, one site I looked at will only ship to the USA, but I also found one in the UK. Regarding shoes, there again I can get them over the Internet, but with shoes I prefer to try them on. Shoes differ a lot, and you never really know what size you need. And most are in American sizes. As I seem to remember, I am roundabouts a 7 in American size, (and a 4 or 4 ½ sometimes 5 in UK, and 37, 37 ½ or 38 European). Complicated. So I’ll try to find something that I can try on first. If the Internet is the only place, then at least I will try to order from an English company, so that sending things back if they are not right won’t be so difficult. Maybe on the Internet I can find certain outlets that do this type of thing in the UK. There’s bound to be somewhere.
At around 2.40, I went upstairs. Soon it would be time to phone my Master. I always look forward to talking with him. I got undressed, and put on my collar. I spent a few minutes looking at myself in the full length mirror. I’m always amazed at myself when I am wearing my collar. I really look like a slave. Just standing there, thinking about my submissive desires, I started to get aroused. Before I phoned him, I went to the bathroom. I stood and asked permission to pee. (I have done this correctly all day – even when I was at the swimming pool!). When he answered the phone, after saying hello, he said what do you say. I knew he meant for me to say my oath. I got down on the floor, and said my oath to him. He then said to get back on the bed, into my usual position. I laid on my back, with my legs up, and my pussy spread wide, waiting. He said that from now on whenever we talk like this, and I have my collar on, I am to start by saying my oath. I said yes Master. He could tell that I was getting turned on. I said to him that I could feel my pussy getting wet. He said “you haven’t touched it yet have you, because I haven’t said you can”. I replied that I hadn’t touched it.
He then said to sit on the bed post at the bottom of the bed, push my cunt onto it. He then said to imagine that it was his cock. At this thought, I got very aroused, and my pussy was so wet. I love his cock so much. And when he fucks me hard, it’s something else. While I fucked myself he had me bark for him. He then told me to stop barking but to continue fucking myself, pushing myself against the post.
He said how I must get my pleasure from pleasing him, not just sexually, but by doing anything that he asks of me. Whether it be washing his car, doing the ironing or cleaning the toilet or anything else. And he said that in front of him I will always be naked, and one thing will always be constant – I will always be available for him. All of these things should give me pleasure. And he said that I should be proud. I should be proud of my status. It is an honour to be his slave.
My Master then said to imagine another slave tied up in the same way that I was yesterday, with her ankles tied to her wrists, ass exposed. He would crop her until she screamed. He knows that I would like to watch. And then he would have me crop her, and I would keep doing so until he told me to stop. My Master says that I have to start desiring this as much as he does, and I have to make it happen. A slave’s desires should be the same as her Master’s.
He then had me bark again, and keep on fucking myself. After a few minutes he told me to stop, and lay down on the bed. I practically fell onto the bed. He asked me how that had made me feel. I said to him that it makes me feel out of this world. It really does. The only thing I’m thinking about is barking for him, and being his bitch. He asked if I was ready for a good fucking now. I said yes Master, always.
He said to masturbate and as I laid there with my fingers probing deeply inside my pussy, he said from now on to associate cumming for him with being rewarded. If I cum for him, then I will be rewarded by being allowed to lick his feet. My Master knows how much I long to lick and suck his feet. He said that he had been doing the page in his album where I am licking his foot while he fucks me in the cunt with the other. I often think about worshipping his feet. Licking them, sucking his toes, and then rubbing my face across the soles of his feet. I really get high on that. It’s so erotic. I said to my Master how I do love to lick his feet. He asked me what else I like. I said that I long to feel him pee all over me, to feel it on my body, smell it and taste it. And then to clean his cock and his ass with my tongue. I also long to display myself for him. To be face down on the floor, ass in the air, and to be kept like that for some time, so that I’m good and ready for fucking whenever my Master wants me.
We talked about the corsets that I had found on the Internet. The style he likes most is one that pushes the breasts up, but doesn’t cover them, perhaps coming up just under the nipples, but definitely leaving the breasts available. He said to order the catalogue and get it sent to him. He will then send me photocopies of the ones he likes the best. He said that as soon as I get my corset, I can start wearing it, and start getting used to it. I will look forward to wearing it, and obviously even more so when I am with him in a couple of months. I will love that feeling of being pulled in at the waist. I often fantasise about wearing a tightly fitted leather belt as part of my slave outfit. It’s a good reminder for me that my Master is in control of me.
He said that he was perhaps going to modify his web site, to include some more slave pictures. Unfortunately he wants to use ones of me. I don’t really think the ones of me tied up, etc, are the best pictures of me! They’re not very dignified. I mean at the time I couldn’t care less – I’ve got other things on my mind than to be bothered about how I look! But I’m not really that happy about it. So I only hope that he distorts my face or something sufficiently so that no way could anyone identify me. I know I may be over reacting and the chances of someone who knows me seeing them is incredibly small, but it would be even worse if it was somebody at work, because there’s no way that I could work there after that.
He asked me what I was going to do for the rest of the day. I said that I would first update my diary, then wrap up his sunglasses ready for tomorrow, and get the photographs ready to send to my mum and dad. I asked him if there was anything else I should do. He kind of joked and said stand on my head, do somersaults backwards, but then said, no there is really nothing else that I can do for him at the moment – just relax and feel good about myself.
He then let me go, saying that I could phone him when I go to bed. I need to discuss with him what I am going to wear tomorrow at work. I spent some more time on the Internet during the evening, looking at corsets, chokers and shoes. I haven’t talked with my Master about the choker. When I was in Xxxxxxxxx on Saturday I was looking around. What I did find were a few silver lockets. One was quite nice – oval shaped with some detail around the edge, but the front of it was smooth, suitable for engraving, and it could be threaded onto a ribbon. Alternatively there are sterling silver pendants. There are of course traditional cameo pendants, but these tend to not be silver and are more decorative on the front anyway.
When it got to around 11.00 pm I started to get ready for bed. I got undressed and put on my collar, and phoned my Master. When he answered the phone, I said my oath. I think he was pleased that I had done this correctly. I was on the floor, and stayed there while we talked. He was having his dinner (or a late lunch), but he said it was OK. He didn’t mind me interrupting him. He was glad that I had called. We had a nice chat for a few minutes. He said not to worry so much about the pictures on his website, and anyway he said that he won’t have any time to make any changes for a couple of weeks.
My Master then asked me what I was planning to wear tomorrow. I said I would prefer to wear my black V neck long sleeved top. This goes with virtually anything, and I suggested my longish brown skirt. He said that would be OK, and he also said that I could wear panties. As we said bye, he said to phone him at his usual time in the morning.
I then laid on the bed with my collar still on. The fact that my Master has said that I am to masturbate to orgasm, no matter how long it takes, actually turns me on. I laid on my stomach and used the small vibrator on my clit.
I started to fantasise about something my Master said at the weekend. I knew this already, but he had reminded me that I serve him in many ways, not just sexually. Doing errands and jobs around the house are all part of my servitude. The idea of cleaning the kitchen or the bathroom, or any room, or doing the dusting and polishing does appeal to my submissive nature. Such things are not sexual but the idea of working like this, for someone else, especially my Master, does turn me on.
I imagined that while my Master was at work he had laid out a schedule for me for the day. He had specified the jobs that I was to do. There would be enough time to do them all, but he made sure that I would be kept busy all day. I imagined doing such jobs as cleaning all the surfaces in the kitchen, cleaning out all the cupboards, cleaning the bathroom, polishing all the furniture. I fantasised like this for a while, imagining my Master going through the list of jobs for the day before he left for work, to ensure that I understood everything. I then started to fantasise about when my Master comes home from work. After greeting him properly and after he has inspected me, he checks my work, pointing out anything that he considers hasn’t been done properly. For instance if he considered that I hadn’t polished some of the furniture sufficiently, then he might have me re-do it there and then, as he watched, or have me do it later in the evening. In my fantasy, because I didn’t want to displease him, I worked hard to ensure that all the jobs were done really well.
After masturbating for over ½ hour, I gave myself some further stimulation. I used the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 smaller ones (which have both got new batteries lately – which makes a difference) on my nipples. I then fantasised some more, going over some of the details of my fantasy, imagining my Master giving me my instructions for the day. Within 15 minutes I had an orgasm. Just as I was cumming, I asked him for permission to have an orgasm. I was so happy that I’d orgasmed for him. Afterwards I got down on the floor and said my oath. I then stood up and respectfully asked my Master for permission to use the loo. I then went to the bathroom and cleaned up my pussy. I then came back to bed, took off my collar and laid down, enjoying the feel of my naked body against the bed covers.
In fact I used to fantasise about things like this before I met Lxxxxx . When I masturbated I sometimes used to imagine that I was a servant working in a large house, not being forced to work there, but circumstances meant that I had really no other option. I worked in the kitchen area and was restricted to that part of the house only. I would have to work long hours, obey many rules and work under close supervision. I remember too having this other fantasy. When I had my apartment in Xxxxxxxxx, there was a couple living upstairs from me. They were a few years younger than me. I used to fantasise that we had come to an arrangement whereby I was their willing servant, and they could call upon me at any time that my services were required. I would clean their apartment, serve dinner if they had friends over, or serve drinks, etc, if they had a party. There were many variations on this fantasy. There was nothing sexy about these fantasies, just the fact that I was serving someone was enough to turn me on and most times have an orgasm.
These fantasies are a little bit embarrassing, but I know that I can tell my Master anything, and he won’t ever laugh at me. And I think it is good that he knows all my fantasies. So, I’ll look forward to being my Master’s maid, his servant, whatever. It is good when I have things to do. It takes my mind off things – have less time to ponder on and worry about my situation. I remember when I was in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago searching for the stickers for my Master. I did take pleasure in it, knowing that I was doing this for him, and it gave me a purpose, something to concentrate on.
Monday, July 1
Start of a new month!
I woke up this morning, and like every other morning for a long time now, my first thought was of my Master. I am no longer to masturbate in the morning, but am to still say my oath. I got out of bed and put on my collar while I was saying my oath. I then asked my Master for permission to pee. After that I took off my collar and came downstairs to use the computer briefly to send my Master an e-mail card for Canada Day. I had seen one a day or so ago with a xxxxxxx on it, and I thought it might make him smile. I then phoned FedEx to arrange for the sunglasses to be collected from work. I then got ready for work, putting on my black top and brown skirt as arranged.
The sunglasses were finally on their way just after 12.30. There was some confusion about the documentation I had to complete though. When I phoned this morning, they said there were 2 forms I needed to complete prior to the package being collected. I said to e-mail them to work for me. When I got to work however there was no e-mail. So I phoned them back. Another woman then e-mailed them again, and they arrived OK but one of the forms was the wrong form. They had sent me some declaration form for goods containing wood and manufactured in China and Hong Kong! So I got back on the phone to them. Finally they sent through the correct form!
At 1.30 I phoned my Master from the car. He was OK but he had woken up just a few moments ago, and had a headache. I hoped that he would feel better later in the morning. He asked about the glasses and I said that they had been collected OK, and that they should be with him tomorrow.
When I got home, I e-mailed the FedEx tracking number to him. I was working on my diary during the evening, and when it got to around 8.50 I went upstairs and got ready to phone him. I wasn’t sure whether he wanted me to say my oath. I know to do so when he is at home, but I was wearing my collar and so I thought that I should be saying it. And I was right. I was already on the floor, and so I said my oath to him. I stayed on the floor while we spoke. He said that he had already had a look at the FedEx tracking facility. I’d had a look earlier too. It’s good, like he said; you can see each stage of its progress. He said that he would be sending me some more photographs in a few days. His album is almost finished too. I asked him about Canada Day, and he told me the reason behind this day. Before we hung up I asked him what I should wear tomorrow. As I am going to the dentist after work, and have to drive to Birmingham and back, I asked if trousers were OK. He said yes, but it seemed like it was at a price! He said to put a vibrator in my pussy. At first I wasn’t sure whether he meant after work. But no, he wants me go put it there in the morning, and keep it there while I am at the dentist too. He’s so mean to me (joking!). I don’t know if it was the thought of this, or the simple fact that I was naked on the floor, but my pussy had got wet. We said bye soon afterwards, and he said to phone him in the morning.
It is 10.15 pm now and I’ll go to bed for my night time session. I am to masturbate until I have an orgasm. That might be 20 minutes or it might be 2 hours! As it turned out I had only masturbated for 15 minutes when I had an orgasm!
When I went upstairs I put on my collar and I used the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 smaller ones on my nipples. I began to fantasise how I am a completely sexual being for my Master. He can do what he likes, on a whim. Whether he wishes me to have a butt plug inserted, and keep it in at work, or insert a vibrator, or sleep with either, or both, the decision is his alone. My purpose is simply to obey him. I then imagined how I was standing before him naked and asked him respectfully if I could please use the loo to pee. On this occasion he did not give me permission, but said that I could ask him for permission again in ½ an hour. Later he did allow me to use the loo, but said to be quick and to come straight back. I came back to him directly, and he said that I was to be his footrest. I obeyed immediately, and got down on the floor. He said to make myself comfortable, as he intended to watch a couple of DVDs and expected his footrest to keep still. I got into my position, knowing that I was going to be his footrest for some time. As soon as I felt my Master’s feet on my, I became his footrest and nothing else mattered. As I was thinking about this I started to cum. I asked my Master for permission to have an orgasm.
Afterwards I got out of bed and got down on the floor. I said my oath, and then thanked my Master for the orgasm. I then asked for permission to go to the loo. I then took off my collar, and as it was still fairly early I read some more of Venus In Furs. I then settled down to sleep, saying “Goodnight Master”.
Tuesday, July 2
I woke up early in the morning. It was around 4.00 am. After laying in bed for 10 minutes or so, I felt that I needed to go to the loo. I got out of bed, and stood naked, and asked my Master for his permission. I stood for a moment or two imagining that I was waiting for his reply, and then he did give me permission. When I came back to bed, I was feeling sexy, especially with the thought in my mind of what I was going to have to do today. I felt like I wanted to masturbate again, but didn’t, as my Master has said to masturbate just once a day.
When it was finally time to get up, I got out of bed, put my collar on, got into my position and said my oath. I then asked my Master for permission to go to the loo. I then got ready for work. I knew that I had to put the vibrator inside my pussy and that it was going to be there all day. The only piece of clothing that keeps it in place is my black leotard. Panties aren’t sufficient; it starts to slide out. But by itself the leotard flattens my breasts too much. So first of all I put on a nice black bra, one which shapes and lifts my breasts quite nicely. I then inserted the vibrator, put it on a medium setting, and pulled on my leotard. I really felt secure and controlled. I felt like I was wearing a type of chastity belt. I think my Master is writing his own version of Controlling Christine! I then put on my brown trousers and a top and left for work.
When I got to work, my Master had sent a message for me saying “you should feel that I am with you all day”. I definitely did. During the morning at work, while I was getting on as best as I could with my work, all the time, the vibrator was constantly pulsating away inside of me, acting as a reminder that my pussy is no longer my own. It is the property of my Master, and he can use it anyway he wants, and give me any type of sensation he wants – whether it is pleasurable or painful. It is hard to describe this feeling. It’s not painful, nor is it terribly uncomfortable, but it does feel like my pussy is being sort of held firmly and being continually stimulated, and it is the relentlessness of it that gets me – the fact that the vibrator is there, working away, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I do get some pleasure from knowing that I am doing this because my Master wishes it.
At 1.30 I phoned my Master from the car. He asked me where I was, and then in his devilish way, he asked me how I was getting on with my toy. I said it was working away. He said that I need something like this from time to time, to help keep me focussed. Yes, I do need it. I need to feel that my body and all its sexual responses are being controlled. He asked me about my session last night, and I said that in the end I came within 15 minutes. He says it is like that sometimes. Sometimes you can’t cum at all and then other times you cum quickly. He wondered how long it was going to take tonight?
He said it was a pity that I wasn’t there, and he would have me sucking on his cock. He knew that he was making me hot, and said he was stroking his cock, and said to make him cum. I told him about my fantasy from last night. He said that he won’t always give me permission to go to the loo when I want. As far as being his footrest, the only problem with that, is that he can’t then have me suck his cock. And he said, that’s where another slave comes in. He wants me to start thinking in those terms. To start desiring it. He said I will be anything he wants me to be at the time. If he wants me to be his vase, he will stick flowers in my cunt, and I will stay like that for hours. I then said that I am his cunt, his bitch in heat, who barks for him whenever he wants, his whore, his slave. And then he was close to cumming and said to open my mouth. He knows how much I love the taste of his cum.
He said it was probably best that I don’t say my oath to him when he’s at the office, as phone conversations can be randomly recorded. We had both seen on the FedEx tracking that the sunglasses left the UK from Stansted airport yesterday evening. I said that I very much hoped that he would get them later on today. He said to phone him at 1.00. Before saying bye I asked him whether I was to keep the vibrator in until I next talked to him. He said no, I could take it out when I got back home from the dentist. After we said bye, I was so hot!! I switched the engine on, and put the fans on cold on maximum to cool down and dry off!! I then went back to the office, very much aware that my pussy was being subjected to this continual stimulation.
Later in the afternoon the whole feeling of the vibrator was increasing in it’s intensity. My pussy was wet, and I felt like I wanted to move myself on the vibrator, but I couldn’t. All I could do was let it unrelentingly work on my pussy. I certainly felt like my body was being controlled. Wearing this bra and leotard had emphasised that sense of feeling too. I was still able to use my mind and my brain (just about) to do my work, but my Master had ensured that I was aware that my body was no longer my own. I really think that I do need this type of physical control. When I get my corsets and shoes, then the amount of physical control will start to increase. My Master is already controlling me in many other ways. He controls the time that I masturbate (and deciding that I will masturbate to orgasm always). He controls me by having me ask for permission to go to the loo. He controls the way I dress for work, and decides whether or not I will wear panties that day. He controls my sexuality, by deciding when I get aroused. And he controls my schedule as much as he can from a distance, and the times when I am to phone, and even the fact that I keep this diary is a form of control.
It was a good job that I had a relatively easy day at work – no meetings and few people to deal with, because by the time I left work the vibrator was really getting me hot. Every so often I would feel kind of mini convulsions inside my pussy like I was on the edge of an orgasm. Also because of the close fitting leotard the vibrator also sent sensations up towards my ass. I felt good though because no one in the office had a clue what was going on! I left work at about 4.15, knowing that the vibrator would remain in place for another 2 hours at least. The drive to the dentist was OK. I have to concentrate on my driving so much when I’m like this, and try to detach myself from the sensations. It is just about possible. In fact as I have said before, it does make me drive more carefully. I had about 10 minutes to wait at the dentist, and sat, as the sensations ran through my pussy and crotch. No major problems at the dentist, but he usually gives my teeth a clean and polish. After that I left to come home.
I got home at around 6.20 pm. Strangely I didn’t want to take the vibrator out right away. Instead I got undressed, leaving only my bra and leotard on. I put on my collar, and in front of the mirror upstairs I practised my table position. In order to keep the back straight, the best position is with the arms slightly bent. But this makes the upper arms ache after a while. But the more I practise, the easier it will be. And I’m sure that when I am doing it for my Master, I will be able to hold the position for longer. I then got into my ass up face down position, and stayed like that for 10 minutes. With my face and chest on the floor, I really feel very submissive. Finally I got into my submission position and said my oath. Still in the position, I said out loud to my Master that I’d had the vibrator inside my pussy for over 10 hours, and could I please take it out now.
At 9.00 pm I phoned my Master. My, are FedEx going to have a surprise when Lxxxxx gets on the phone to them! The sunglasses hadn’t been delivered. I had booked next day delivery before 12.00. And now it was 1.00 pm. He was going to phone them after we had talked and have a go at them. Also if they haven’t showed up by tomorrow morning, my time, I will be on the phone to them too. We’ve decided that these sunglasses are jinxed! But apart from that he is OK, and asked, smilingly, what kind of a day I’d had. I said it had been interesting! He couldn’t talk to me for long as he was busy, but he said thanks for calling, and for me to phone him tomorrow. I didn’t have time to say to him what I was planning to wear tomorrow. But I had thought about my shorter beige woollen skirt with a dark brown round neck top, nice stockings and my brown/cream shoes. (I have an all day meeting on Thursday, so I’ll probably dress up a little for that too).
It is just after 11.00 pm now, and time for my session. See what tonight brings!
I started my night time masturbation at about 11.45 pm. I put on my collar and used the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 smaller ones on my nipples. The whole sensation makes me feel very submissive to my Master, and makes me feel like he is training my clit and nipples to be in a state of constant arousal. This idea turns me on, and in no time my pussy was wet. I kept the tip of the large vibrator just at the top of my clit – the most sensitive part. I started to fantasise about being trained by my Master to be completely obedient. I imagined serving him and performing my tasks around the house naked. Sometimes I would be dressed in a corset, but my cunt and ass would always be exposed and available. I imagined being in the bathroom, cleaning the washbasins, when my Master entered the bathroom and ordered me to stand and face the basins, and to bend over and present myself for fucking. He then fucked me deeply from behind, and then pulled out and had me get on my knees and suck his cock until he came in my mouth. He then left me to continue my work with the taste of his cum still in my mouth.
But I finally had an orgasm imagining again how he has full control over where and when I pee. As I came I asked my Master for permission. This whole thing turns me on. It is probably because peeing is a basic human function, which is normally taken for granted. If an adult needs to pee, then they do. To have this freedom taken away and to have to ask permission, rather like a child, is humiliating. And my Master knows that I like to be humiliated. Imagine how it would be if my Master had a couple of friends around, and I needed to go to the loo, I would have to ask for permission, and if it was not given, I would have to accept my Master’s decision. While this is humiliating, and right now turns me on, in time I should accept the fact that I am my Master’s property, and I will pee with his permission only.
I had the orgasm after about ½ hour. I then got on the floor and said my oath, and thanked my Master for the orgasm. I then asked for permission to go to the loo. Afterwards I took off my collar and settled down to go to sleep.
Wednesday, July 3
Not a good day for either of us.
At about 6.10 am the phone rang. I knew it would be my Master. I reached for my collar and put it on and answered the phone. He said “Who are you”. I said I was his slave, and then I got down on the floor besides the bed, and said my oath to him. He then said to touch my cunt (His cunt) for him. Already it was wet. He then asked how my session had been last night. I said that I’d had an orgasm after about ½ hour, and the thing that had made me cum was again the thought of him controlling when I pee. This does turn me on a lot. He said that he is going to control me so much. And he will give me lots of tasks to do. If I fail to do them properly I will be punished, but if I do them well I will be rewarded. My Master said he will control where and when I pee and shit, what I eat, what I wear, my behaviour. He then said to start masturbating.
He asked me how the experience of having a vibrator inside me all day had been. I said to him that it wasn’t painful but it’s the fact that the feeling just goes on and on that gets me. He said that on Friday I will put a vibrator inside me again for the whole day. Although he said that I don’t have to turn it on. He just wants me to feel that my pussy is filled. (Maybe he didn’t mean for me to turn it on yesterday. No wonder that it was driving me crazy by early evening).
He then described how I would be sucking one of his feet, while he was fucking my cunt with the other foot. The other slave would be sucking his cock while he played with her cunt. He said that would be just perfect. He then said that I need to start thinking in these terms, and that this thing is about his pleasure and I should take my pleasure knowing that I am part of it. He said that he does love me in his way. He loves me as his object, his slave, his friend, and I am part of his life. But the other slave is going to be part of his life too. When he said this I started to cry, but I tried to hide my tears from him. He said the only difference would be that I could dominate her sometimes. But her function, like mine, would be to please and serve, and she would have to get along with me as well.
My Master asked me how many fingers I had inside. I tried to get a grip of myself, and replied that I had 3 fingers inside. He said good. I said it was his cunt, and he said that it does belong to him, as does my anus and my mouth. He said that I must keep both my cunt and anus clean at all times, because if he fucks me in the ass and gets shit on his cock, he will make me lick it off. He was then close to cumming and he told me to open my mouth. He knows that I love his cum so much.
After a moment or two, he told me the latest on the whereabouts of his sunglasses, and said that he had sent an e-mail to my work. Basically in it, he’d said to phone FedEx and not take their excuse about package being held up in customs.
Afterwards I took off my collar and laid on the bed. Although my Master arouses me so much, I’m struggling to accept the idea of the other slave (at the moment at least). From the start I believed that he would be my only Master, and that I would be his only slave. The trouble is that it has taken me so long to get to this stage, and really it is only during the last few weeks that I have begun to truly desire to be his slave. I’ve actually been waking up feeling happy with that thought. I can actually visualise being his slave, dressing as his slave, serving him and pleasing him. And I can visualise some of the sexual scenarios involving another slave, but can’t imagine living as a threesome on a day to day basis.
I know my Master has been talking about this for quite a long time now, but I have always been concentrating on coming to terms with my own situation, to be able to worry about another slave in the picture. But now things are moving on, and I have come so far, but I’m confused and feel insecure. I had hoped that in September I would be ready for tattooing and piercing but if I can’t accept his desire for another slave, and share his desire, then how can I call myself his slave in the first place?
I think I did fall asleep for a while, but I was dreaming and woke up with a start. I felt unable to say my oath, as I couldn’t say those words and mean them whole-heartedly. I felt like I’d let him down, because I can’t get over my jealousy and fears. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being his slave.
At 1.30 I phoned my Master from the car. The problem with the other slave was still on my mind and I knew that I had to tell him. But first we talked about the sunglasses. At least they had now cleared customs and were in Phoenix. He said I should pester FedEx and get a refund, but I said that I had a bigger problem than that. I felt that he sincerely did want to know what was troubling me. I said that I was having difficulty accepting the idea of another slave. My Master did want to help me, and he did talk to me. He could tell that it was making me feel insecure, and he said that if I was already with him and secure in my place then I might feel differently. And anyway he said that it’s not that easy to find a second slave. I said that I had worried about going to Xxxxxxxx in September and getting tattooed and pierced, and then things might not work out with the other slave. He said that he wasn’t going to have me tattooed just yet anyway. He wants to be 110% sure before that is done. And he said that piercings go away if you don’t wear the rings anyway.
He assured me that I will always be me, and I’ll always be special for him, and I will be his #1 slave, and no-one can take my place. His second slave will be more for his enhanced physical and visual pleasure, and while he will have some affection for her, he isn’t going to love her any more than he does me. He even said again that I could dominate her, and have her give me pleasure sometimes, as he thinks I would enjoy that. And he stressed again as he has so many times, that his cum will always be for me.
He then said to touch my cunt. Was it wet? I said that it was. He then had me say my oath to him. I was pleased to do this, because earlier I’d been unable to. He reminded me that each time I say it I am saying that his command is my pleasure. That says it all. I admitted to him that I’d been unable to say my oath to him this morning because of my confusion. He asked if I was less confused now, and I said yes.
He was getting aroused and he said that I was his little “ewe”, but that I was also his bitch in heat and his cunt on 2 legs. I can’t help but get turned on when he talks like that. I said I was his cunt, and I love his cum, and if he came on my face, I’d put my fingers to my face, and then lick them, lick up ever drop. He then came. It was lovely as he said “I’m cuming for you baby”. Afterwards he said not to worry, but to concentrate on pleasing him, as my Master, because we are bonding, we do tell each other everything, and are honest with each other. He said to give myself to him completely, and everything will be alright.
I was really grateful to him for spending the time to talk with me, because I knew he had to go to work soon. But it’s still hard for me, especially as I’m only just about coming to terms with my own situation. As I walked back to the office, I was feeling a little better. I was thinking that he always makes things better. I was sorry for putting him through that however, as when I get upset or freak out, he gets upset too. And I really don’t want that. Later I thought to myself that we are bonding. Maybe that’s why for me, the thought of another slave hurts so much. She would be spoiling that close relationship.
Before I left work, I wanted to phone him to thank him for talking to me earlier. Before I phoned, I checked the FedEx site and saw that the package was on the delivery van, and that at least made me happy. I phoned him, and as if the day hadn’t been bad enough already, he told me that the glasses had arrived damaged. He couldn’t talk much, he had lots to do, but he said that he had sent me an e-mail at home already, and to get on the phone to FedEx. I was really upset. I had planned to go swimming, but couldn’t face that. I felt sick. So I came home, practically unable to believe what had happened. All I could think was that I had wrapped the glasses up properly and put them in the hands of a reputable courier. But it seemed like that hadn’t been enough. I was thinking, was it just me? Everything I do seemed to go wrong. Maybe my failed relationships in the past were my fault after all. When I got home I checked my e-mail straightaway. My Master had already phoned FedEx and made a claim on the insurance. He had also sent a photograph of the damage. Right away, I knew that it was not my fault. The case itself was crushed. That should have never happened if they had taken the slightest bit of care with the parcel. And I knew for a fact that the glasses were securely wrapped in the case, and then secured in the box.
And I was still upset about earlier too. My Master had sent me a longish honest e-mail about that. He said to phone him at 1.00 pm though, if I wanted. Of course I wanted. He really is the only person who can help me. Before I phoned him, I did get undressed and put my collar on. The collar itself does give me some sense of security. First we talked about the sunglasses. He said apart from the fact that they were damaged, he said that the lenses were not perfect anyway. He then had to let me go, as he had to go to a meeting. But he said to phone him back in ½ hour. During that time I had something to eat, because I hadn’t been able to have anything, and now that I had at least talked to him, I felt a little better. And I know he would want me to eat.
When I called him back, we talked about my problem. But it is difficult for him to talk openly while he is at work, so he said to phone him tomorrow at home (holiday in US). My Master said to phone him at his usual time tomorrow, as he wants to get up early and get his weeding done before it gets too hot. But he did help to set my mind at rest. And I am really grateful to him. Despite my problem, I can’t help but feel submissive before him always. It was almost 10.00 pm by the time we said bye. I laid on the bed for a few minutes, then came downstairs to write up my diary. I didn’t get chance to say to him what I was planning to wear tomorrow, but as I have this meeting, I will put on a skirt, top, nice stockings and shoes.
It is now after midnight. It’s late, but I’ll be OK. I am to masturbate yet tonight. After I have sent this to my Master, I’ll perhaps just watch 15 minutes or so TV just to clear my mind a little.
As soon as I started to masturbate and put the vibrators to my sensitive parts, I put the events of today out of my mind. You can’t masturbate and think about stuff like that. I wanted to masturbate for my Master anyway, but I believe that it is good for relaxing the mind too. So within a few minutes I was in my Master’s world of dark desires!
Mid way through masturbating, my Master phoned me. That was a surprise! I turned off the vibrators, but I still had my collar on of course. He had got back in from work. He said that I didn’t have to masturbate tonight if I was tired. But I said that I was already doing so. I think he kind of smiled when I said that. We talked mostly about the glasses, and about FedEx’s bad service. He wasn’t really blaming me, but said that I could have put it in another box and marked it “Fragile”. But even that wouldn’t have guaranteed that it would have been given any more care. The impact it received was fairly huge. It was definitely their fault that this happened. But all he was saying was to try to foresee these eventualities.
I thought afterwards, that when I was talking to him, it was as Cxxxxxxxxx talking to Lxxxxx . It wasn’t really the way that a real slave should talk to her Master. I wasn’t arguing the point with him, all I wanted was to feel firm in my own mind that I did OK. Otherwise I am going to worry about screwing up next time he has me do something. And I’m not perfect. It’s impossible to anticipate everything all the time. I guess you just have to learn from experience. And anyway at least now I have had experience of using an international courier, and I now know some of the pitfalls to watch out for! We talked for a while, and then he said we could talk more tomorrow as he would be home for most of the day. Afterwards I laid in the bed. I actually did finish my session for him.
I sometimes fantasise about wearing a kind of slave belt as part of my every day slave “dress”. My master could use it for restraining purposes, but it was also meant to act as a further reminder of my situation. So sometimes when I masturbate and fantasise, I wrap a leather belt around my waist. I was imagining that I was at my Master’s house. I had been restricted to the house for a few days. But on this day I was to be allowed to accompany my Master to do the food shopping. My training collar had been locked in place for several days. He took off the lock and told me to take it off, and to put my choker collar on, and to put some clothes on. Of course, ones that he approves of. My belt was also locked in place, and he told me that I would keep that on. After we got back to the house, my Master told me to get back into my normal slave dress. I put my collar back on, and as I stood naked again before my Master, he locked it. I certainly knew that I was his property. He then told me to start the dinner. As the dinner was cooking, I went to my Master to ask him if he would please check the food for me. I followed him to the kitchen, and stood nicely, as I waited for his approval. I actually had an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission to have an orgasm and then I thanked him.
It was then about 2.00 am. I took off my collar and the leather belt, and settled down to go to sleep. I think I must have fallen asleep fairly quickly.
Thursday, July 4
I was a little bit tired when I woke up. It had been late when I slept, plus I was waking up earlier, as I had an 1 ¼ hour drive to my meeting. But I felt more like myself and more focussed again. I was keen to say my oath. I got out of bed, put my collar on, got down into my position and said my oath. I then stood up properly, and asked my Master for permission to go to the bathroom. When I get up from my submission position, I first go to a kneeling up position, and from there into a standing position by placing one foot on the floor in front of me, and then bring the other one along side, in one smooth movement. I haven’t been taught this by my Master, and he might want me to do something different, but I like to train myself to do things like this, as it enhances my submissiveness. I remember in that slave training manual too, it said that a slave should learn to move gracefully.
I phoned my Master from work. The meeting had reconvened after lunch at just after 1.00 pm. But regardless, at about 1.28 pm I just said that I had an important call to make, and that I’d be back in a few minutes. I went outside the meeting room into the corridor. The signal wasn’t so strong, but I did get through alright. He was OK, and had just woken up. I said that I wasn’t at my usual office, and he said that I wouldn’t see the e-mail that he had sent me to work then. Maybe he would forward it to my home he said. As we were just about to say bye, it was as if I got cut off. Maybe the signal got too low. I certainly didn’t cut us off.
Later at home in the evening, I prepared to phone my Master. It was about 8.50 pm. I was upstairs in the bedroom, naked, wearing my collar, and I laid on the bed. But for the 5 or so minutes before I phoned him, I got down into my submission position, ready to say my oath to him. So I was all keyed up, and therefore I was a little disappointed that he wasn’t at home. But I can’t expect him to be at home always. I left a message saying that I would phone in ½ hour. And I did, but still no answer. Then I wondered if he had sent me a message. I got dressed again and came back downstairs and tried to sign onto Yahoo. That was playing up. It took about 15 minutes. He had sent me an e- mail, saying how his day had gone so far, and that he had to go out, and it would be best if I phoned at 3.00 pm (11.00 pm here). He’s not having a wonderful day, but he did say that he appreciated the e-card I sent him this morning about his plans for the garden.
I have many thoughts on the issue of the other slave. And not all of them are negative. But I’ll get them straight in my mind first, and then write them down. Also I might get the opportunity to talk with my Master later today.
I went upstairs to masturbate at around 10.15 pm. I want to try and get myself used to the idea of there being another slave, and to start thinking about this as something erotic. So I started to fantasise about how it might be when our Master returned home from work. We would be waiting for him by the door, ready, in the submission position, and one by one would say our oath. My Master would then order me to stand and present myself for inspection. He then did the same with the second slave. Both of us had taken the utmost care to ensure that our bodies were always nicely shaven and smooth. Then in my fantasy there was only me. I imagined that I was wearing my collar and leash. My Master had a friend there at the house. After serving my Master and his friend with a drink, I came and sat in my position at my Master’s feet. My Master adjusted my position slightly with his crop. My Master’s friend showed some interest in the way he had me sit. My Master ordered me to describe to him why I sat in this way.
I began by saying that my legs are open to show to my Master that I am always available for him, and that I have nothing to hide. My hands are placed palms up, to again indicate my openness to him. My back is arched so that my breasts are nicely presented for him. My head is held up to show that I am proud to be my Master’s slave, but my eyes are lowered slightly to show my submissiveness. As I imagined this, I started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and then thanked him. It had taken about 20 minutes only to reach orgasm. I put the vibrators away, but left my collar on, and waited until 11.00 pm before phoning my Master.
At 11.00 pm I got down on the floor into my position and phoned him. When he answered I said my oath. He asked are you sure. And I replied yes Master. He then said to get up and make myself comfortable. We then talked a little more about the FedEx thing. He is going to see how much he can get out of them – try to get them to pay the costs of having his sunglasses done in Canada, and then have FedEx send them back. I think that’s not unreasonable. From this end I will chase them up for the refund of the delivery charges.
I then began to say that I would like to talk with him, but I didn’t want to upset him any further, and if he wanted, it could wait until weekend. But he said no, if I had concerns, then he wanted me to talk to him. We talked about a lot of things, but he made his position very clear. He wants a slave, who is going to be there for him, who won’t question his orders, who won’t ask why. In return he said that he would always be there for me, he won’t harm me, he won’t do anything behind my back, he’ll be honest, he’ll be my friend, my lover, my protector, ….. my Master.
I thought that my main concern was the other slave. It is a concern, but I think it is just part of a problem which runs much deeper. I’m still insecure and worry about being embarrassed in public and worry about what people will think. This is something that I will have to overcome if this relationship is to work, otherwise I will just be making it harder for myself. I think I must accept that I am not a natural at this. But my Master said that even if I’m not, and he agreed that probably I’m not, it is still possible to do it, if you have the will and the desire. I think too that I still have a problem with letting go of control, and of no longer having a say in things. Also I sometimes feel that it is sort of “wrong” to let someone control your life for you. The trouble is I desire this in my heart, but my mind tries to fight it.
We had talked for over an hour, and then he said I should sleep. Before we hung up, I did ask him whether I was to put the vibrator inside me tomorrow. He said no, forget that for now. He wasn’t in the mood.
About my fantasy earlier while masturbating – the ironic thing is that I do fantasise about being very submissive and being controlled so much, and yet in reality I struggle to let go, and give myself to him totally. On a positive side, I must mention here that regarding the second slave, one vision did come to my mind. I know how my Master wants to see me dance for him. Well I did imagine how I and the other girl could dance for him, to some nice music, dancing erotically, kind of moving as one, touching each other.
Friday, July 5
When I woke up, I felt a bit subdued and thoughtful. But I did say my oath, and it did feel right. Afterwards I stood up and asked for permission to pee. I then got myself ready for work. When I got to the office, I checked my e-mail. My Master had sent me a nice encouraging message. At about 1.10 pm I went to the car. I first phoned FedEx to see what would be happening to the refund of the delivery charges. They said that it will be credited back to me. At 1.30 I phoned my Master. He was awake, but said that all the pulling up of the weeds had made him ache. He said he could do with a good massage. He talked to me for a couple of minutes, and even just talking with him for a few minutes made me feel better.
After work I went swimming. It would have been easy to have just come straight home. But I must keep on with my swimming. And I know that physical exercise is really good for helping you relax. I got to the pool just after 4.00 pm, and it was still fairly empty, so I had a very good swim. At times I pushed myself harder than usual. It was as if I wanted to prove to myself that I can do things that sometimes you think you can’t.
When I got home, it was just after 5.30. I first went and had a bath and shaved. I then checked my e-mail. I was wondering if my Master would have sent me anything. Then I was wondering what he might have written. I was expecting him to perhaps be a little more harsh with me, because I know that he is getting tired with this. But actually his words were more kind, though still stating that this is an M/s relationship and nothing is going to change that. He said that a slave should choose her Master carefully. I think I have the right Master! And if I am going to be in this type of relationship, then I couldn’t have a better Master than him. I sent him a reply and he wrote back too. Again with some encouraging words for me, but still stressing the nature of the relationship. But he did say that I have come a long way already, and to not think that I am jumping into a black void by myself. He is jumping with me.
At 8.50, I went upstairs and got ready to phone him. I was looking forward to hearing him, because I know that when he talks to me, I feel closer to him and it does help. He does understand some of my insecurities, but in the end he says, “do I want this – yes or no”. And if the answer is yes, then I have to accept things.
But he said that I dwell on the negatives too much. I should think more about the positive things, and he said there are things that I do well. For instance finding the castles to visit while he was here, and my willingness to do most things. He said that generally I do have the right attitude, which is why he still says that if I really want this, then I can do it. This made me feel better because from where I stand, I can’t always really see how I am doing.
He did point out that he understood that it might be harder for me than it might be for a 20 year old. Because for more than 20 years I have been living independently. Even in the 2 long relationships I had, I was still my own person. And I have had the freedom to do things I liked. I have been able to dress as I wanted. And I think I know what suits me and what doesn’t. But I understand that I will no longer have this freedom. I think this is an example of something that made me freak out during the first couple of days. But I have got a bit more accustomed to it now. And my Master is fairly reasonable in his decisions as to what I will wear on a particular day. For instance he doesn’t insist that I wear high heels if we are going to be walking around somewhere all day. I don’t know if he will get more strict or not. But I guess as with anything else, it is all just part of accepting the situation, without questions.
There are some things which I find a lot easier now than I did right at the start. When I first read in one of his early e-mails that I would have to shave everywhere, it did make me worry a bit as to how I would handle that. But now it is practically normal. For the last couple of weeks I have been shaving underarms, legs and pussy every day. And even though my Master isn’t here, I do shave my arms too sometimes.
I really did appreciate him talking to me, but he had to get back to work. He said to phone him at around 6.30 am, when I got back home from Xxxxxxxxxx.
It was fairly late when I went up to bed, but I got ready to masturbate. I put on my collar and laid in bed. Soon the vibrator was working away on my clit, and as I started to fantasise, my pussy became wet. With the sensations there and the sensations from the vibrators on my nipples, I again imagined that my Master was training me to be some kind of sex object, that is always aroused and available for use, or to perform any sexual pleasure that my Master desires.
After masturbating for a while, I kind of stopped for a moment, but the fact that I have to masturbate to orgasm turns me on, and I imagined my Master telling me to continue masturbating, and that I will masturbate for as long as it takes. That turned me on more still, and I started to fantasise again. I started to imagine that as in that book Controlling Christine, my Master was fitting me with a kind of chastity belt. Part of the chastity belt was a special device with two protruding dildos. The dildos were inserted into respective receptacles – my anus and my cunt. The dildos were of significant length and width to completely fill me up. I would be able to feel their presence all the time. They were then secured by a kind of strap running across my crotch, which was then secured to my belt. The whole thing was held very securely in place, and locked too, so there was no way that I could relieve myself of it. My Master said that I would be kept like this for many hours at a time. He said that I must learn that my orifices belong to him and are for his use only. He also added that while I was left ungagged it did not mean that I was free to speak. He said that I must learn that my mouth has many more important functions that come before speaking. He said that my mouth is a second cunt for him, to be penetrated whenever he likes; it is there to suck his cock; it is there to be used as his toilet; my tongue is there to lick his cock and his ass clean when he has peed; my tongue is there to lick his cock and his balls, and his toes and his feet; my tongue is there to lick his shoes clean.
As I was thinking about this, I could feel myself getting more and more aroused, and then I had an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and I thanked him afterwards. I laid there for a moment or two, then put the vibrators away. I got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. While in my position I said out loud that I had masturbated for him and had had an orgasm. I then stood up and asked him for permission to go to the bathroom. I came back to bed, took off my collar and settled down to sleep. It was about 2.00 am, and I soon fell asleep.
Saturday, July 6
At about 6.00 am the phone rang. I knew it was my Master. I put on my collar as quickly as I could, got down on the floor and answered the phone. He asked me what was I. I replied that I am your slave, Master. I then said my oath to him.
He asked me what I had to tell him. I said that I’d had an orgasm last night. And he said good. He asked me what my fantasy had been. I started to tell him that I had fantasised about a lot of things but that the thing that had brought me to orgasm had been when he’d had me fitted with a type of chastity belt. I said to him that I thought it was fairly extreme, as I don’t know how I would handle wearing something like that everyday. He said that what he would find extreme would be having me used by other men for their pleasure, sometimes by more than one at a time, and being beaten up by them. He said that some masters do that to their slaves, to prove to the slave that they’re in charge. My Master asked, wouldn’t that be a good punishment? I said, yes Master, but said, you wouldn’t really want to do that would you? He said no, but stated again that it would be a good punishment. And said that’s why it’s so important for a slave to choose her master wisely. He asked, you wouldn’t want a master who treated you like that would you? I said no Master. Then after a moment added that I wanted him as my Master.
He then said to touch His cunt for him. Was it wet? I said to my Master that it was. He then described how I will show my complete obedience to him in front of anybody. I will show that I am a well trained slave. I will suck his cock in front of others if told to do so, and then he will turn me into a foot rest and use me like that, and if he orders me to, I will proudly display my piercings and markings. He then had me say this to him in my own words. He said I will serve him and a friend drinks, wearing only my collar and leash and high heels. He knows that it turns me on to be displayed and humiliated like this.
He said how I would wear a belt. From it would hang electrodes which would be placed in my ass and my cunt. If I showed the slightest hesitation or was slow in obeying a command, he would press a button and I would receive a shock. He asked if this turned me on. I replied yes Master. And it does turn me on. I have fantasised about things like this. The thought of being controlled with devices like this is one of my deepest desires. I don’t know if my Master really wants to do this. I know that you have to know what you’re doing when you use this kind of stuff. I don’t know if he has used these type of things before, but naturally I trust him.
He said what else do I like. I said I long for him to restrain and display me, so that he can casually fuck me in the mouth whenever he wants, and leave me there for a while, and then come back later and fuck me in the mouth again. I also long to be his pet, his bitch. To be trained and exercised like a dog. I will fetch a stick, pick it up with my mouth, and bring it back to him and sit and present it to him, and then he throws it again, and again. My Master then said that I would eat and drink out of a bowl. I would drink pee out of a bowl, and he will use his crop on my ass to encourage me to drink faster.
He then said what he wanted to do with his other slave. He described how he would tie her up, with her ankles tied to her wrists. He would then use his crop on her, and would hand it to me to use on her. And if I didn’t use it hard enough, I would be punished. My Master said how he wanted to hear her screams and her pleading for mercy. He would then switch us around. I would be tied, and I would be cropped. He said that all our begging and pleading him to stop would not do any good, because he will not stop until he is satisfied.
He would then have me pee in her mouth, and she would be forced to drink it. And while I was doing that, my Master would pee in my mouth, and it would run down my body, and mix with my pee. Imagining that really turned me on. It is like a kind of erotic fountain. And I love my Master’s pee so much.
My Master said he wants me to become completely bi-sexual. To have a desire to do all these things. He said that I am to continue masturbating at night, and start thinking about these things.
He then said to sit on the bed post at the foot of the bed. I started doing this, and he said to feel the hardness and to imagine that it was his cock. At this, my pussy began to produce juices of such amount. He said to push harder onto the post, to let myself go. He said that I am his cunt, his cunt on two legs, and all I want to be is his cunt, isn’t that right? I said yes Master. As I was fucking myself, he had me say my oath twice. He said I will lick his cock after he has peed, even lick his ass after he has shitted, and sometimes rub his shit into my body. He said, that’s what you want deep down, isn’t it? I said yes Master. By now I was in another world, and my whole pussy was in a state of convulsions. Not the type of orgasm I have when I masturbate, but it seems so intense, it must be a type of orgasm. My Master was near to cumming, and then he said to open my mouth because he was cumming. But he said to continue fucking myself. He had me keep fucking myself for a few more minutes.
He then said to stop, and lay on the bed. The session was over. I practically collapsed onto the bed. My whole body was wet. He said to phone him at 6.30 am. I laid on the bed for a while until I had cooled down. I then pulled the covers over me. I didn’t even go to the bathroom. My pussy was still wet, and my fingers still had pussy juice on them. I felt completely enraptured, and so sexy. I did sleep for about 45 minutes.
I then got up. I said my oath, and then asked for permission to pee. I got myself ready to go to Birmingham. When I got there I went to the optician first. I then tried to get the double-decker bus postcards, but neither of the two post offices in Xxxxxxxxxx had them. I didn’t stay in town too long. I wanted to get home in plenty of time to phone my Master.
When I got home, I checked my e-mail. My Master had sent me a very nice e-mail. In it he had said to think about the positive things, rather than worrying about the negative always. He pointed out that I do have good points. For example he said that I was prompt, caring and honest. Maybe I don’t think about these things, because I do them automatically. For instance I always arrange my day around the time when he wants me to phone. He said that he does care for me, and takes time to listen to me when I’m having difficulties. And he is really more understanding than he should be. He wonders if being more strict, or cruel even, would help, but really he wants me to give myself to him out of my own free will, rather than being forced, or by having my will broken. I really am grateful that he is so understanding.
However, over the last few weeks he has started to tighten up the control. And I still think I need this. I know that he is lenient with me, and from this distance it is not so easy to control all aspects of my life, but when I am with him, I hope he is more strict with me in my everyday activities, and more demanding in my performance and appearance. I hope that he will carry out the rituals of having me say my oath, and being inspected, and having regular training sessions, as all this will help to confirm my status, and to learn and understand my place.
I tried the Royal Mail website to see if I could get the postcards on-line. But I couldn’t even find the stamps. I was a bit disappointed because he had asked me to try and get them for him. But I have sent off for the models. I hope these are available still.
Just before 2.30 pm (6.30 am his time), I went upstairs, and got undressed and put on my collar. I phoned my Master. When he answered the phone, I said my oath to him. He then asked me how my morning had been. I said to him that the people at the optician were horrified when they saw the state that the sunglasses had arrived in. My Master said that his day yesterday wasn’t one of the best. He has had hassle at work, and he said that Monday isn’t going to be much better. He told me all about Gabriela and how she has messed up this time. I enjoy listening to my Master talking to me, no matter what he is talking about. I stayed on the floor all the time we talked. He hadn’t told me to lay on the bed, and it feels right being on the floor. After a while he let me go, and said I could phone him before I went to bed tonight.
Before hanging up, I said I loved him. He said he knows I do, but this is not about love. I do understand that. But I don’t think I could do this with someone I didn’t have deep feelings for. Maybe my feelings get in the way sometimes. Certainly these last couple of days, I have learnt a lot about myself. I know some of the things that I need to get straight in my mind, and I know that I have to look deep into my heart and soul, and ask myself what I truly want.
At one point while I was in Xxxxxxxxxx today, I was thinking that I have had fantasies about this type of thing for over 20 years. And the fantasies and desires haven’t diminished at all over that time. In fact they have got stronger. Even during the 2 long relationships I had, I used to have secret fantasies about this, because I wasn’t getting anything like it in the relationship itself. And my Master says that I have come such a long way and it is demoralizing to see me having such doubts. Really I don’t have much choice, I have to follow my desires, because as my Master has said before, I will regret it if I don’t do this. And he’s right.
When I was ready to go to bed, I got undressed, put on my collar and phoned my Master. But I made a mistake, which he pointed out. I hadn’t first of all said my oath to him. I definitely hadn’t forgotten that I am to do this, it was just that we seemed to get into conversation straight away. But he said that if I want to be controlled then I have to learn to do these simple things, otherwise how can I expect to be able to do the more complex things. I do understand now the importance of following his instructions be they simple or more complex, and I won’t make this mistake again. I said I was sorry and he said he wasn’t mad with me – we will get there eventually, he said.
He then let me go, saying to phone him at the same time in the morning. I then had my night time session. I fantasised about how my Master would demonstrate before a friend of him how well trained and obedient his slave was. I was dressed in my collar, leash, a belt around my waist and high heels. After serving a drink to firstly my Master and then to his friend, my Master allowed me to sit at his feet, so that my head was resting on the sofa. He was stroking my hair. He then said that I was to demonstrate my slave positions for his friend. I followed my Master’s instructions and assumed one position after the other. When he had me assume the inspection position, he said to his friend that I present myself like this for him each day, so that he can inspect me, in particular checking for the presence of body hair. My Master then had me say what the rule concerning body hair was. I said that I am to be shaved always, from the neck down. He then said to me to say what the punishment is if I am found with hair. I said that my Master uses his crop on the area where I have hair.
As I assumed each position the only thought in my mind was to hold the position and present myself as well as I could. I wanted to make my Master look good by showing my obedience to him. As I thought about this, I started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and then I thanked him.
Afterwards, I got out of bed, and got down on the floor. I said my oath and said to my Master that I had masturbated and had an orgasm. I then got up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I took off my collar, and collapsed into bed.
Sunday, July 7
I woke up first of all this morning at just before 6.00 am. I thought to myself that’s the time that my Master phoned me yesterday. Somehow I didn’t think that he would phone this morning, but you never know! Anyway I needed to go to the bathroom. I got out of bed, and stood properly by the bed. I asked my Master if I could please pee. Then said thank you Master. I think the way I say this is an indication of how I am feeling about my situation, and this morning it felt normal for me to ask for permission. I woke up a couple of hours later, feeling more positive than recent days. I got out of bed, put on my collar and got down on the floor and said my oath.
I then got ready and went to the swimming pool. I had a good swim. I think the swimming is beginning to have an effect now. I am getting toned up again. I seem to have lost about 2lb as well. Maybe it is my hormones settling down now, getting used to the Pill. Anyway I am feeling better both physically and mentally. When I got back from swimming, I had some breakfast. I then went into the office for a couple of hours.
On the way back, I was actually feeling the need to submit to my Master. When I got back, it was about 2.15 pm. I went upstairs, got undressed and put on my collar. I then got down into my submission position and stayed like that until it was time for me to phone him. My mind was clear, and I put all other thoughts out of my mind, and focussed on my submission. At 2.30 pm I phoned him. When he answered the phone I said my oath to him. He then said to get up and lay on the bed. He asked me how my day had been so far, and I said to him that I had been swimming and had gone into the office, although that hadn’t been as successful as it might have been, but at least it had saved me some time tomorrow. He said that it was going to be another hot and sunny day over there. He asked me what I was planning for the rest of the day. I said that I thought I ought to do the garden. He then let me go, saying that he would talk to me later.
I then phoned my mum, but they were having lunch. Mum said she would phone back in ½ hour or so. So I laid back on the bed, and I inadvertently ran a finger or two across my pussy. Even talking to my Master earlier had made me a little wet. I wanted to feel the collar around my neck again, so I put it on. I picked up that book on corporal punishment, and started to read some of that.
Then the phone rang. I thought it would be my mum ringing back. I wasn’t really aware that I still had my collar on, and reached for the phone. But it was my Master. Wow! He said that since he woke up, he now has this wonderful erection. I’m sure my pussy started to get wet when he said that. He asked me what would I do if I could do anything? I said I would start to lick the tip, and the bit underneath the rim that he likes, and then lick the shaft, and make it so hard. He asked me if I still had my collar on, and I said that I had. He then said to get 2 vibrators. He said to put the small one in my ass. I stuck it in my pussy first to get it lubricated, then pushed it up my ass. He said to take the larger one and put it in my cunt. He asked if they were turned on, and I said no. He said to turn them on. He wanted both my ass and my cunt vibrating. I did that, and waited for his next instruction.
He said to squeeze and pull my left nipple, and to imagine it was him biting it. He said to squeeze it harder, and harder, until I see stars. My Master said that he wants to take me to the stars. He then had me say my oath to him. He then said to squeeze the other one. Then back to the left one. He then said to squeeze my clit, and pull it, and say my oath once more. My whole pussy was so wet. He then said to pull the large vibrator out, and then push it back in, and then out again, and in, and to keep doing that. He then said to take it out, and put it in my mouth. Imagine it was his cock, deep in my mouth, pushing to the back of my throat. He wanted to hear me almost choking on it. He then said to put it back in my cunt.
My Master asked me who I belong to. I said, I belong to you, Master. He then asked what was I. I said, I am your slave, Master. He asked do I really want to be his slave. I said yes Master. He then said that I will have to be tattooed and pierced, and he said what else? I said that I will obey him. He said yes, and he said that there will be other slaves. He said you want that don’t you. I said I wanted to please him, and he said, that means you want it then.
He said that there must be no hesitation or questioning of his commands. And disobedience will be punished, and he said that if his other slave is disobedient, then I will be the one who punishes her, and if I am to be punished, then it will be her who punishes me. My Master then said that if I was there, I would be sucking his cock, and his other slave would be licking his ass. I was still fucking myself with the vibrator, pushing it in really hard, and getting so high with desire. I think my Master was close to cumming, and as I fucked myself I said Master, Master, and then soon he came. He said to open my mouth for him. I could imagine the taste of his cum.
Afterwards he said to take the vibrators out, and to relax. He then said to have a good chat with my mum and to have a wonderful rest of the day. Almost immediately the phone rang again. It was my mum. I talked to her for ½ hour or so. If only she knew that I was laying there stark naked, wearing my collar, enjoying the aftermath of being with my Master! Actually this is good for me, because it shows that I can be my Master’s slave, but I can still be Christine, my mum’s daughter.
I am more focussed today. I do desire this so much, and I am getting closer and closer to my Master. Even from a distance, the bonding process is continuing. After talking on the phone with my mum, I was still feeling submissive to my Master. I got down onto the floor into my submission position. I then got into the face down position and presented my ass. I then went into the other room and practised my table position in front of the mirror. I then knelt up and held that position for a while and then stood still for a while. In all, I was practising these positions for about 30 minutes. It helps when I do this because I can clear my mind of other things and focus on what I’m doing, and think about my submission.
When I went to bed, I was looking forward to talking with my Master. I got ready and then phoned him. When he answered the phone I said my oath to him. He said good, and then told me to get up and lay on the bed. I had caught him at an inconvenient moment. He had gone to the loo, and had taken the phone with him – just in case. We laughed about that. We talked for a while, and about how the weather is in Xxxxxxx, and how it is over here and how it is in Toronto. He said that I would feel at home in Toronto. He then said to me to wear a skirt tomorrow at work, and no panties. He then said to me to have a good sleep, and to phone him in the morning.
I then got ready for my night time session. It was probably the fact that my Master had me put one of the smaller vibrators up my ass today, that I decided to insert the butt plug while masturbating. It’s not for my own pleasure (although the sensations at orgasm are rather nice) but I want to use it regularly so that I get used to the feeling of being penetrated there. Train myself almost. It may be that my Master will not penetrate me with his cock, or with anything else very often, but I should still be aware that he can do so if he wishes. It has probably been a couple of weeks since I have used it, and when I inserted it, I was immediately aware of the feeling of my ass being filled. I still had my collar on and I laid on the bed, and used the vibrator on my clit.
I started to fantasise about being just one of my Master’s 3 slaves. In my fantasies this idea does sometimes turn me on – to just be one of several slaves, existing purely for the pleasure of her Master. I imagined that I and the other 2 slaves were all tattooed with Master’s initials, and that we each had been pierced through the pussy lips. The rings were held together and locked with tiny padlocks. Each slave also had another tattoo – a unique mark on her shoulder that numbered her, so that Master could, if he wished, refer to his slaves as slave #1, #2 and #3.
Then in my fantasy I was again the only slave. I was dressed in my normal slave attire, and I approached my Master. I respectfully asked him whether I could please use the toilet. He said alright, but I was to go to the bathroom and wait for him. I went to the bathroom, and stood waiting for him. As he came in, I waited for an instruction from him. He said to get on my knees, and open my mouth. He then held his cock to my mouth, and said that he wanted to use me first, and then started to pee into my mouth. I worked hard to swallow as much as I could, but inevitably it ran down my face and down my body. When he had finished he had me rub my hands over my body, and lick up his pee. He then said that I could pee. He directed my every action. He had me stand with my legs spread over the toilet so that he could see. He then gave me the command to start to pee. When I had finished he said to wipe myself with my hand, and then he had me lick it, and then wipe it again, and lick it again. He then said that I was to learn what I was. He said “you are nothing more than my toilet”. I said yes Master. As I imagined him saying this I started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and said thank you Master.
Afterwards I put the vibrators away, and still with my collar on and the butt plug still inserted, I relaxed. I felt tired and I must have fallen asleep. I woke up I think about an hour or so later. It was a strange feeling, but a kind of nice feeling. I then got out of bed, and did what I should have done an hour ago. I got on the floor, said my oath, and thanked my Master for the orgasm. I then got up and asked for permission to go to the loo. I took out the butt plug, then peed, then came back to bed, took off my collar, and flopped back into bed.
I am purposely making myself fantasise about other slaves. However it seems that these fantasies are a bit unrealistic (for now at least). Whereas some of the fantasies I have about being the only slave, I can actually see happening – even some of the ones where there are other people in the room. This is probably because I don’t yet feel comfortable with the idea of another slave, and so my fantasies for now remain just fantasies.
When I am recounting my fantasies, I do get turned on, and sometimes more than others, and sometimes, I long so much for my Master’s touch. Yesterday evening for instance when I was writing my diary, I imagined my Master just running his hand through my hair, or touching my neck, and it made me long for him even more.
Monday, July 8
I woke up early in the morning, and needed to go to the bathroom. It felt natural to ask for permission. I then slept for another couple of hours or so. When I woke up later, I was still feeling positive.
Of course some things still cause me concern, but I’m not freaking out about them. I think my desire to do this will get me through this difficult time. But on a positive note, I think I am going through a phase of acceptance of some things. I am more accepting of the fact that I will be tattooed and pierced, and will have to obey my Master. Although I realise that I must obey, I still have difficulty with accepting another slave, dealing with my status in the work place and in the outside world generally, and getting over any feelings of shame. That seems a lot to deal with and overcome, but despite that I do still feel like I am my Master’s slave. I definitely feel that he is having more and more influence and control over my life and my everyday activities.
When I got out of bed I put on my collar and said my oath. I then asked for permission to use the bathroom. I then got ready for work – wearing a skirt (my brown one) and no panties, as instructed.
I phoned my Master at his usual time. It was nice to hear him. He said that he was still aching from all the work he did in the garden last week. He said he’s not used to doing this type of manual work. I asked him if it would be alright for me to go to my friend’s (Kxxxxx) house on Friday evening. She has just moved house, and is having some people over for a drink. My Master said of course it would be alright. I said that I might not be home in time to phone him at 1.00 pm that day, but he said it would be OK. He said that it’s Friday and I do have a life. It was really nice of him to say that. I thought afterwards that I could phone him on my mobile, and then phone him when I got home. I didn’t think that he would say I couldn’t go, but it seems right to check with him if I wish to go out anywhere. We then said bye, and he said to phone him at 1.00 pm. As I walked back to the office, I could feel the breeze between my legs. I did feel that I belonged to him. It was a good feeling.
At about 8.50 pm I went upstairs and got myself ready to phone my Master. I phoned at 9.00 pm. He said that he knew it was me, as it was exactly 1.00 pm. He said promptness was one of my good points, but then he said my naivety wasn’t one of them. At first I didn’t understand, but then he said that FedEx were refusing to admit liability and pay up because I hadn’t put the cost of carriage in the correct box on the form. My Master knows that they are just looking for excuses not to pay compensation, and he said that he wasn’t mad at me, just pissed off with all the bs. But I don’t want him to think I am stupid. If I was I wouldn’t be able to do the job I do at work. But for sure I am too trusting, which is OK if the person you’re trusting is trustworthy and deserving of your trust, which my Master is, but you don’t come across many people like that, either in your personal life or in business. I think a person is lucky if they can say that they can completely trust just a few people. But anyway, my Master has told me that I should get onto FedEx and really push them for some action on this. And I am now resolved to do this.
So if last week was bad, this week is starting off even worse. Before saying bye, I said to him that I had a meeting tomorrow which was due to start at 1.00 pm. I normally phone him at 1.30 pm. I felt a little awkward having to say that I might not be able to phone him, but he was understanding, and said to phone him at 5.00 am (his time). I thanked him. We then said bye.
Maybe he wasn’t in the mood, but he didn’t ask me what I was planning to wear. As it’s a formal meeting, I will wear a skirt, and I’m not sure if he intended me to not wear underwear again, but I know I can carry off a meeting wearing no underwear, so I won’t wear any. Afterwards I was feeling really cold, so I took another quick bath to warm up, then came back downstairs to finish writing up my diary.
Before going to bed, I was just looking around on the Internet for a while. I came across this one site by a slave. She had written there about how she got into this. She said her past was fairly normal, but her past relationships had been unsuccessful and unfulfilling. Then she began to feel that she needed something more, and started looking for partners for D/s relationships. But realised that she needed something more still. And now she is a complete slave. It seems like I have started out the same. I have fantasised about this for more than 20 years, and now I am realising just how deep my desire to be submissive really is. But when I read just how far she has gone, I wonder if I am really like that too. I don’t know what my Master thinks, but maybe it isn’t such a good idea to read about other slaves, because sometimes I can feel demoralized when I feel that I am not achieving the same level of commitment and submission that they are. Because under the circumstance, my Master says that I am doing OK. He keeps saying that there are areas where a lot of improvement is needed, but I think that some of these will improve once I am with him.
When I went to bed I wondered how successful my night time session was going to be, as I had so much on my mind. But it is strange – as soon as I am naked with my collar around my neck I seem to change. I become my Master’s slave who wants to please him by masturbating for him. I laid on the bed, and used the vibrators. Tonight my mind went off into one of my deepest fantasises. I started to think about this electronic device that my Master could fit on me. (Although I have fantasised about things like that for a long time, I have never said anything to him, so it is strange that he mentioned it during one of our phone sessions). The thing is, it does turn me on, although it seems too much to contemplate in real life.
But that is what I fantasised about. I was wearing this belt, from which electrodes hung and were secured firmly against my cunt and anus. There was no escape for me. Also there was one of my Master’s friends in the room. My Master was demonstrating the efficiency of the device, and described to his friend how he had used it to make me completely obedient. He explained to his friend that when my training was complete he had planned to remove the belt, but then he said that maybe he would leave it in place anyway, to act as a good reminder for me. I then started to have an orgasm. It had only taken about 15 minutes to reach orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and then I thanked him. In a way I was disappointed that I had come so soon. I actually wonder what it might be like to have to masturbate for several hours until finally having an orgasm – working up to an orgasm, but not quite getting there, almost falling asleep and then starting again, and going on for hours. It sounds quite erotic actually.
I find it hard to explain why the fantasies that involve the most control seem to turn me on so much. Does this mean that I really do want to be controlled so much? I suppose only I have the answer to that.
Afterwards I got out of bed, and got down on the floor to say my oath. I thanked my Master for the orgasm and then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I came back, took off my collar and settled down to go to sleep, saying goodnight Master
Tuesday, July 9
I woke up in the morning, knowing that I needed to phone FedEx. First of all I got up, put my collar on, and said my oath to my Master. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I came downstairs, made myself a drink and then went back upstairs. Just after 8.00 am I phoned FedEx. I asked to speak to a supervisor, and said that I only wanted to have to go through this once, and was she the appropriate person to be talking to. She said she was, so I went through the whole story, telling her exactly what happened. Again she said that because the value of the goods for carriage wasn’t declared, it was their policy to only pay the amount of $100. But she said they couldn’t really assess it properly without all the documentation. So they are going to send me a claim form.
So after that I got ready for work. I wore my shorter skirt with my round neck brown top, shoes, stockings, no panties. My Master had sent me a message telling me to be firm and persistent with FedEx. Later in the morning I phoned the optician, and spoke with Mrs Xxxxxxx. I asked for a written statement confirming the value of the glasses. She said she would get this off to me in the post tonight.
I hope my Master is pleased with my actions. I get the impression that he is sometimes disappointed that I don’t have the same attitude as he does. I know I’m too trusting and let people get away with too much. But I will stick with this to the end, for my sake as well as my Master’s. I went to my off site meeting just after 12.00. Just after 1.00 pm I phoned my Master. He wanted to know what progress I had made. He seemed pleased that I had got things moving.
At home in the evening, I prepared to phone my Master at about 8.50 pm. He had actually sent me an e-mail saying that he might not be there, and better to phone him earlier, but I hadn’t seen it. I got undressed and put on my collar. Before I phoned him, I said my oath, because I can’t say it to him when he’s in the office. We had a really nice chat. He told me to keep on at FedEx, and not let them get away with this. He said that I’m too trusting and nice to people, and I know it. People, friends, have said this to me before. In a way it’s good for me to be with Lxxxxx . As my Master he can protect me, but he can also encourage me to be more confident. In a way it might seem weak for someone my age to admit that they need someone to either protect them or help them grow in confidence. But maybe my past relationships and being let down in the past have robbed me of some confidence.
He said that he has received the catalogue for the corsets. He has chosen 2. One black, which I should get in leather, and one white, which I should get in satin. He is going to send photocopies and the details. He then asked me what I wore today at work, and I said that I’d worn my shorter skirt. He asked did I have anything underneath, and I said no. He said good, and to do the same tomorrow. I asked him if it would be alright to wear trousers, as I am in the office all day tomorrow, and I don’t find the office very warm. He said that would be alright, and I said thank you. He said to phone him at his usual time in the morning and we said bye. I had a nice warm feeling afterwards, because he was really nice to me, and because I miss him.
After finishing with the computer, I got ready for my night time session. I put on my collar and laid on the bed, and put the large vibrator to my clit. I started to fantasise how I am being transformed into an obedient slave, whose only wish is to please her Master. I then started to fantasise about how it will be when I am with my Master. One day he said to me that tomorrow was going to be the day when I would be tattooed and pierced. That day he took me somewhere and the tattoo and piercing was done. When we got back to the house, I was ordered to strip naked, and put my collar on. I then stood before him, now clearly marked as his property. I felt like his slave. My Master then ordered me to stand with my feet slightly apart. He then went over to his desk, and took something from one of the drawers. He came back to where I stood, and I could see that in his hand he had several small padlocks. He began to lock together the piercing rings until 4 padlocks were securely in place. My cunt was now effectively sealed. My Master then said to me that I should get used to this feeling because this is how I was going to be kept day and night when he didn’t need to use my pussy. And he reminded me that he could use my mouth to get his pleasure, so my cunt may be locked up for days at a time.
I then started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission to have an orgasm, and I thanked him. Afterwards I put the vibrator away but laid in bed for a while, still wearing my collar. I was thinking a little about my fantasy. I think it is dangerous to admit fantasies like this to my Master (joking), but seriously, while it certainly turns me on (even brings me to orgasm), it’s a bit scary thinking about it in real life.
It was quite late and I must have fallen asleep with my collar still around my neck.
Wednesday, July 10
I woke up at some point in the night. The bedside table lamp was still on, and I still had my collar on. I do like the feeling of waking up with my collar around my neck. I got out of bed and got down on the floor and said my oath. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back I took off my collar and settled back into bed.
When I woke later I was feeling positive about things. I am trying to think about the positive things, about the things I do well, and not to dwell on the negative, and to try and think that even the scary things aren’t as bad as they seem.
I was thinking that there are 2 areas where I feel I have made progress on my own. One is in writing my diary and sending it to my Master every day. And even he did point out that he never asked me to send it to him each day. I started doing that myself. I do see my diary as being important for several reasons. Firstly it helps me focus on what I am doing and it also ensures that I spend an hour or so each day on a task connected with my position as a slave. Secondly it is a good method for tracking my progress, stating any concerns that I have, and being completely open with my Master.
The other area is asking him for permission to do things that are outside of my normal everyday activities, such as going out with friends. I read something the other day about how a master might start training a slave and how he might go about establishing authority and control. First he might start by insisting that the slave informs him of her activities, and then later insisting that she first asks for permission. I seem to have moved to that second stage on my own accord. I’m not suggesting that things I read on the Internet are the only way of doing things, and I know that my Master will always do things and progress my training as he sees fit, but reading these articles just makes me think. I think this is a good step for me as it shows that I am accepting that my Master has control over what I can do. However he hasn’t yet refused me permission to do anything. I wonder how I would react to that? The same website had writings about slave reactance, resistance and acceptance. It was very interesting, and made me think about my own situation and where I still have difficulties.
When I got out of bed I put on my collar and got down on the floor to say my oath. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I then got ready for work. I wore my trousers, as my Master said I could, but no panties. I’m not questioning why my Master has me go to work without panties when he is not here, but I do wonder why. Is it simply to show me that he can, or is it to somehow make me feel slightly humbled or humiliated, or is it to remind me that my pussy belongs to him, or is there some other subtle psychological reason? I think whatever the reason, it does have some effect on me. I do feel different, and feel like I’m no longer in control. I feel different too now when I’m naked at home. Before, nakedness was just a state prior to getting dressed or when you take a bath. But now when I am naked, and especially when I phone my Master or go to bed, I feel different. I feel like I’m my Master’s slave, like he is watching over me even when he is not here. It’s like I am associating my nakedness with my status as his slave.
When I got to work, my Master had sent me a message, telling me to keep on at FedEx. He said it would be a good test for me. And he’s right. In the afternoon I went to the car and phoned him at 1.30 pm. It was nice to hear him. He said again to not let FedEx use all these excuses. He reminded me to phone him later at 12 noon, rather than 1.00 pm. We then said bye.
I went swimming after work. The pool on Wednesday does not open for general swimming until 6.00 pm. I had my usual ½ hour swim and then it was about 7.00 pm when I left there. I got home, sent my Master an e-mail, and then had a quick bath. I just had enough time to shave and wash my hair. But no way would I have been late calling him. At 7.55 I was washed and dried. I tied my hair up out of the way, and put on my collar. I then got down on the floor and said my oath. I then phoned him at 8.00 pm.
It was lovely to hear him. I said that I’d had to phone FedEx again this evening as nothing had arrived from them in the mail today. They said that the form was posted yesterday. However the letter from the opticians arrived today. My Master couldn’t talk to me too long, but in the time we did talk he still made me laugh even though he wasn’t really having a good morning at work. I said that I had a meeting tomorrow at 2.00 pm but that I would phone him on the way to the meeting. I asked him if I was to wear anything in particular tomorrow. But he said he wasn’t really in the mood for that, and he said to wear what I wanted tomorrow. We then said bye.
At about 11.00 pm I went upstairs to have my night time session. I put on my collar and also wrapped my belt around my waist. I used the large vibrator on my clit.
I fantasised about being displayed by my Master. I was held in place by a kind of frame. I was on my knees, legs open with a dildo that was attached to the frame in my cunt. Once the dildo was inside me I couldn’t move because my head was also held in position from behind to ensure that I couldn’t relieve myself of the second dildo which was penetrating me in the mouth. My arms were tied behind me. A friend of my Master was also in the room. He asked my Master if this was a punishment for me and my Master said no, this was just part of my training, to reinforce the control that my Master had over me. My Master picked up his crop and casually used the tip of it on my nipples, not hurting them, just playing with them. He then ran it along the outline of my breasts. I couldn’t move. All I could do was endure his teasing, wondering whether he was going to use his crop properly or not, knowing that he would do so without any thought if he wished. My Master’s friend asked if I was obedient. My Master said that I was not obedient during the early part of my training, but I am more obedient now. My Master said that my training was continuing and that the training was now more intense, which would result in my complete obedience. He said that I will finally want to exist solely to obey him, and my only function will be to please and serve him.
I then started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission, and then thanked him. I then got out of bed and said my oath to my Master. I asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I then took off my collar and the belt and got back into bed. I thought that it’s ironic that since my Master said to masturbate until orgasm, the longest it has taken has been 20 minutes or so. I read for a while to relax. I have now finished the book Venus In Furs. I enjoyed it. I’d be interested to see the film.
At about 1.00 am the phone rang. I got out of bed and got down on the floor and answered the phone. My Master called me mermaid, and I knew that he’d received my postcard. He said he wanted to phone me up to let me know, and he also said thanks for the jokes that I had sent him. I said that I thought he had needed cheering up. He asked me how my session had been, and if I’d had an orgasm. I said yes. He asked me what my fantasy had been. I said, a little nervously to begin with, that I had imagined him displaying me using some kind of frame to hold me in place. And then I said that there had been someone else in the room, and that I’m fantasising about this a lot at the moment. He said good, and for me to go back to bed and go back to sleep, and to call him in the morning. I said yes, and then we said bye.
I was unable to sleep straight away, as I felt aroused. And then I suddenly thought that I hadn’t said my oath to him. But maybe he hadn’t intended me to. I wondered if I should phone him back, but didn’t. Finally I did settle down and I went back to sleep.
Thursday, July 11
At about 7.00 am I woke up and I needed to go to the bathroom. I got out of bed, stood up nicely by the bed, and asked my Master properly for permission to pee. By ‘properly’ I mean in a confident voice. Sometimes doing this makes me feel embarrassed and awkward and although I do ask my Master, it is not always with conviction. I these cases I say to myself that if I was to ask him in that manner, he would probably say no. I then went to the bathroom and came back to bed.
I think I kind of thought to myself that it was too late now for my Master to phone, so I was really surprised when the phone rang. It was just before 7.20 am. I put on my collar, got down on the floor and answered the phone. He asked who I was. I said I am your slave, Master. I then said my oath to him. He asked what time it was here, and I said it was 7.20 am. He asked did I have some time. I thought that was so nice of him, but of course I’ll always have time.
He then said to get on the bed. I laid on the bed, on my back, legs up and spread, and waited for his instructions. (My usual apologies if things here are out of sequence). My Master said to touch my cunt. His cunt. He said it should be fucked in the morning, and he asked me how he likes to be woken up in the morning. I replied by sucking your cock, Master. He said that’s right. He then asked me about my fantasy last night, and he said that I will be completely obedient. I will even put my hand in a flame if he tells me, or pierce my nipple with a needle if he tells me. He said you want to be completely controlled and dominated don’t you. I said yes Master. He will tell me when to eat, when to drink, when to pee, when to shit. If he tells me to pee in a cup, I will pee in a cup. If he tells me to shit onto a plate, I will shit onto a plate.
My Master said that I will be one of several slaves. If I am disobedient I will be punished by the other slave, and if she is disobedient, then I will punish her. He asked me how I would humiliate her. I couldn’t really think for a second. I said that I would have her crawl like a dog, but my Master said that he wants a lot more than that. He said that I would have to tie her up, tie her ankles up to her wrists, and then crop her cunt. And if I didn’t do it right, then he would do it to me. Then I would let hot wax drip on her cunt lips. Then sit on her face and pee into her mouth, while my Master fucks her. He said that she will be made to suffer. He said that she will be served a plate of my shit, and maybe forced to eat some.
My Master wants me to start thinking in these terms, and he wants me to also think about being pierced. He said that I am right in my diary. My pussy lips will be locked up. And he reminded me that he will use my mouth or ass, and that my mouth is a second cunt for him. He said that my tongue belongs to him, to lick, suck, clean his cock and his ass, even after he has shitted. He said that I will taste his shit, and he said you want that don’t you. Without any hesitation I said yes, Master, because I know that I do long for that, no matter how degrading or dirty it might seem. It’s like I need to be taken to that level of degradation.
My Master then told me to take one of the small vibrators, firstly put it in my cunt, the push it up my ass. I did as he said, and then he said to sit on the bed post at the bottom of the bed, and fuck myself, imagining that it was his cock. As soon as I started to do this, I started to lose myself. My Master then had me say my oath to him. He said that I must obey him always, obey his commands, live only for him. Nothing else matters. He then said to make him cum. I started to say that my mouth belongs to him, it is his cunt, and my tongue belongs to him – to lick him, suck him, worship him. My Master was close to cumming, and he said to me to open my mouth for him, and then he came. He said it was too bad that I wasn’t there to taste him. I said to him that I love his cum. He then told me to rest for a few minutes before getting ready for work, and said to me not to wear any panties. I said yes Master, and then we said bye.
Treating another person, slave or whoever in the way that my Master described is really a whole new world for me. Really. I read plenty about things being done to slaves, but it is never me who is doing any of it. And I think I would enjoy watching, but doing it is different. If I was honest I would probably get more enjoyment humiliating someone and tormenting them mentally, rather than inflicting purely physical pain. (This doesn’t sound like me though!!). If I’m honest too, I’m not too keen on the idea of another slave punishing me. My Master would probably say that I won’t have to do anything that deserves a punishment then. But seriously, I am still coming to terms with the idea of there being another slave, so it is difficult to imagine this situation at all.
I think that I have settled down now, following that couple of days last week. I’m not saying that I’m out of the woods yet, I still have a long way to go, but I think that I’m back on track. And as my Master wrote on one of his letters that I received today, ‘The show must go on’.
I had laid on the bed for about 10 minutes, and then got up to get ready for work. I put my trousers on, but nothing underneath.
I didn’t need to go to the meeting in the afternoon, so I was able to phone my Master as usual from the car. When he answered I said that I was at the office. He asked me about FedEx, and I said that there should be something in the mail from them when I got home. He asked what I was wearing, and I said I had my trousers on, but nothing underneath. He said good, but checked that I was wearing a bra, and I said I was. He said that I should wear a bra.
My Master asked me how my search to get a choker was going. I said that I needed to get onto that this weekend, as I may need to get something custom-made. I asked him what kind of ribbon he wanted. He wants something that looks classy but is durable and can be cleaned. He stressed again that I would be wearing it all the time. He also said that tomorrow he will send me the details of the corsets he has chosen. I will then order them and can start getting used to them. I then just need to get some shoes.
My Master said that it is OK to read these websites. In fact he wants me to do so. He said that it is good for me to learn what other people in this lifestyle are doing. Although he said to be aware that people do exaggerate, and if something sounds unrealistic, then it probably is. I have read some sites, and some do sound totally honest and realistic.
He then said to touch His cunt. Was it wet? I unzipped my trousers, and felt my cunt. It was really wet. He said he would fuck it, own it. He then said to squeeze my clit hard – until I saw stars. He then had me say my oath to him. And then to squeeze it harder still. He then said to let it go. My Master asked me how the session this morning had been. I said it was mind-blowing. And it was. One minute I was laying in bed, and within a few minutes I was fucking myself on the bed post with a vibrator up my ass. He said that he does want to blow my mind sometimes. He said also to start getting used to the idea that he might phone me at any time. I have already accepted this. Whatever time of day or night he might phone, I will be there for him 110%, to please him.
He then said he would let me go, and to phone him later. Afterwards my pussy was all wet, and I was all hot. I turned on the car engine, and put the blowers on cold, on maximum. It’s really good for cooling you down. I then went back to the office, feeling a kind of inner glow.
At home in the evening, I was beginning to write in my diary, when I checked my e-mail again. My Master had sent me a message, saying to phone him at 12.00 noon rather than 1.00, as he would be in a meeting later. It was already 12.20 his time, so I went straight upstairs, took the phone with me, got undressed in a second, put my collar on, and phoned him, and hoped that he would be there. It was so nice when I heard him. We talked about FedEx, and he stressed to me that I should keep on at them, and write the letter in such a way to indicate that I wasn’t going to leave it at this.
He asked me how I liked the photographs. I had received some photographs from him in the mail today. All of them kinky, except for one of a London bus! I especially like the ones where I can see his feet – just thinking about his feet makes me go all weak at the knees. And there is one of him fucking me! Wow! He then said that tomorrow I should put the small vibrator inside me, and wear whatever I needed to, to keep it in place. He said that when I phone him I can report to him how I am getting on. I said that I’m supposed to be going to my friend’s house in the evening. To be honest I would rather stay home, write in my diary, be here for my Master should he call, but I guess I have to get out sometimes. My Master was really nice to me – he said to stay there for as long as I felt comfortable. He asked me where it was, and I said it is roughly in the direction of where we used to drive out towards the castles near the Welsh border. The town is Xxxxxxx. We then said bye, and he said to have a good night’s sleep.
Afterwards I stayed on the floor for a few minutes, in my submission position. I do feel a sense of calm when I’m like this. I have had a lot of close intimate contact with my Master today, which has been good for me.
When I went upstairs to bed, I had my night time session. I got undressed, put on my collar and laid in bed. I used the large vibrator on my clit and the small ones on my nipples. I first started fantasising how my Master is having me masturbate. I was imagining him having me masturbate for hours while he watched. After having an orgasm, he would say, ‘continue masturbating slave’. And I would have to continue masturbating to orgasm again. And it would no doubt take longer each time.
I was then imagining being in my Master’s house. Every morning I woke up and put on my collar. I went around to my Master’s side of the bed and started to lick his cock. When he was awake I started to suck it. He then fucked me, and then had me suck his cock again until he came. My Master then got up and went to the bathroom. Still with the taste of his cum in my mouth, I followed him and knelt down, ready to serve him. After he had peed, he put his cock to my mouth and I licked it clean. While he shaved I knelt down on the floor waiting for any instructions he might give me. I wanted to go to the loo, but I knew that my first priority was to serve him and that I should be available for him should he need anything. He then took his shower, and when he had finished I was ready with a towel for him. I dried him, getting down on my knees to dry his legs and feet.
When my Master was ready, he attended to my “dress” for the day. He fastened my collar with a lock, so that it was permanently in place for the rest of the day. I had also put on my slave belt while he was getting ready, and he also secured that with a lock. He then took the small padlocks and placed them through the rings in my pussy lips. I was then ready. My Master then went through the tasks that I was to do that day. On the list each day were the jobs to clean all the surfaces in the kitchen, polish all the furniture, and clean the bathroom throughout. My Master set me additional jobs and tasks, sometimes cleaning and tidying, sometimes organizing paperwork, etc. While my Master was work, I was to phone him at certain times to report on my progress. During those times my Master gave me permission to go to the bathroom if I needed. If I didn’t take advantage of that opportunity, I would have to wait until the next time I called him.
I then started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission and then thanked him. After laying in bed for a moment, I put the vibrators down, and then got out of bed. I got down on the floor, and said my oath to my Master. I said that I had masturbated for him and I’d had an orgasm. I thanked him for the orgasm, and asked permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I took off my collar and settled into bed.
Friday, July 12
I woke up at about 7.45, knowing that today I would have a vibrator inside me. It didn’t worry me though, because I know that I can do this. Also I have no choice. I got out of bed, and put on my collar. I then got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. I then stood up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom.
I then got ready for work. When I was washed and make up done, etc, I put on my black bra and then the I put the vibrator inside, and then put on my black leotard, to hold everything in place. I then put on my brown jeans and black top. The last time I had the vibrator inside me at work, I had it switched on, but my Master said afterwards that I didn’t have to have it switched on. He just wanted me to feel that my pussy was filled. So I didn’t switch it on, but still I could feel it all the time. And especially wearing the bra and leotard, it felt like my whole body was being held so securely.
The morning at work passed OK. It is great how I can carry on conversations with people and do my job, and all the time I know that I have a vibrator inside me reminding me that I am my Master’s property. At around 1.20 pm I went up to the car, to phone him. I phoned him at 1.30 and it was nice to hear him when he answered. Unfortunately he wasn’t feeling too brilliant, because of the pizza he had eaten last night. But at least he didn’t have to go to work today. I felt awful but I had to check with him again over the details I needed to put on the FedEx claim form. After that, we talked for a couple of minutes. My Master asked me if I had my little ‘joy’ inside me. I said yes. I asked what was I to do with it. He said to take it out when I got home from work. Even if he had said to leave it in, even at the party, I would have done so. We then said bye, and he said that he would probably sleep some more.
I carried on with my work during the afternoon as normal, almost unaware of the vibrator – accepting it’s presence. When I left the office I was walking to the car, thinking that I fully accept the fact that I have a vibrator inside me because it is what my Master has chosen for me today. I drove home, getting petrol on the way. Even when I got back home, I checked the mail and did one or two things before getting undressed and taking the vibrator out.
I was just going to run a bath, when the phone rang. I was naked and I picked it up. It was my Master. He was ringing to say that he had sent me some more pictures of the glasses, and one in particular of the state the lenses arrived in. It felt strange talking to him at this time in the afternoon, but really nice. I thought afterwards, at least I was naked.
I had a bath, and then spent about 30 minutes writing up my diary. I then went to my friend’s house. It must have been about 7.15 pm when I left home. I enjoyed being there, but at no time did I forget who I was – that I am my Master’s slave. A couple of times, I wished I was at home, on the floor in my submission position. I left there at about 10.30 pm. And it was the same driving home. I drove carefully, but I was thinking of my Master, and that I was looking forward to being back home.
I wonder if I am getting to be a bit reclusive. I think it is because my life with Lxxxxx is so private, and it is such a big part of my life, that I find it hard sometimes to be in situations outside of my life with him. But I can socialise when I need to, and the people from work are a good bunch. But still I like to come back home.
I was so looking forward to talking with my Master. After sending him my diary, I had a quick wash, and then put on my collar and phoned him. When he answered the phone, I said my oath to him. We talked for a while. He was having a bit of stressful day at home. But he had got the garage door fixed. He let me go after a few minutes, saying to have a good sleep and to phone him at 6.30 in the morning.
I then had my night time session. Because I had been missing my Master while I had been out, it wasn’t difficult to imagine being his slave, his property. I imagined myself standing before him, with my tattoo with my Master’s initials to show that I was his property. And wearing my choker collar which also had his initials on it. I then imagined the rings through my pussy lips and the small locks that would hold the lips together, so that I would know that my cunt is now the property of my Master. With the locks in place, and my body clearly marked with my Master’s initials, I knew that I was his property, and I then started to have an orgasm. I asked him for permission, and then thanked him. Afterwards I got out of bed and said my oath to my Master. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back I laid in bed, still with my collar on, and read a book for a while until I was sleepy. I then settled down to sleep, with my collar still on.
I had a dream during the night. I was outside and wearing my collar, and it seemed like I wasn’t wearing anything else. But I did have a sort of shawl around my shoulders, which would cover the collar a bit, but I wasn’t bothered if the collar did show. The strangest thing though was that my mum and dad were in the dream too.
Saturday, July 13
The phone rang at 6.00 am. I already had my collar on, so I got down on the floor and answered the phone. My Master said get up slave. I then said my oath to him, and he then said to get up onto the bed. I laid on my back, but then he told me to get into the doggy position, face down, and to stay like that for a moment. He then said to touch my cunt, His cunt. I did, and said to him that it was wet, and that I was imagining him fucking me.
He asked me what my fantasy last night had been. I said that I had been fantasising about how the piercing rings were going to make me feel, and that when the locks were put on I would then know that I was owned. My Master said that I would be locked like this a lot of the time. I said I do want this, and he said I should really desire it. My Master said that my cunt, anus and mouth belong to him, for him to use as he wishes. He had me repeat this in my own words.
My Master then said to take one of the smaller vibrators, and to put it inside my cunt, and switch on. He said that it was going to remain in there for the rest of the day, starting from now. He said that if the battery goes down, then I am to take it out, replace the battery, and then put it back it. He said that I could take it out also when I went to the loo, or took a bath.
He then started to describe how he would have me in this position and have 2 other slaves lick, kiss and caress my body all over. One on either side. My Master would then have one of the slaves hold open my anus for him, and he would fuck me in the ass. I would then be treated like a dog for the day. I would be led around on my hands and knees on a leash by another slave. I would eat on the floor from a bowl, and another slave would bring a bowl for me to drink from. I would pee and shit like a dog too. And I would not be allowed to talk, only bark when commanded to. And my Master would fuck one of the other slaves, and then cum all over her face. If I had been a good dog I would be allowed to lick his cum off her face.
My Master said that I should get used to the idea of another slave and if she needs disciplining then I should take enjoyment in punishing her. He said that a punishment should feel like one, and if I didn’t punish her properly then I would get punished, twice – once by her and once by my Master. He also said that I will take an active role in her training, teaching her how my Master likes to be pleased.
I was listening clearly to what he was saying, but I couldn’t help crying. I get so upset when he talks about other slaves. So that when he told me to make him cum, although I wanted to say something, nothing was coming out. I just couldn’t think straight. All I managed to say was that I wanted to be his slave, and my Master said you are my slave, aren’t you? I said yes Master. I then began to talk to him. I said how I long to suck his cock and lick him all over, and lick his feet, and how I love to be on the floor, sucking his toes and rubbing his feet over my face. I said I worship his cock and I want to live only to serve it. And I’ll be on a leash, treated like a dog, led around by another slave, and I’ll bark for him, and beg like a dog to please be allowed to lick his cock, lick his balls. My Master was then close to cumming, and he said to open my mouth, and then he came. He said for me to calm down, and to phone him at 6.30 am. He then said bye.
I laid down on the bed, with the vibrator inside me and my collar on, unable to reconcile my feelings. The other slave is definitely the hardest thing I am having to deal with. Other things such as the piercing and tattoo are still difficult, but at least I am dealing with them, and making some progress. But the thing with another slave is making all other progress meaningless. When I think about being my Master’s only slave, at least I still feel like I am someone, and still special for him, but when I think of myself as one of two or more slaves, I feel like I’m nothing. How can I switch from something I definitely don’t want to something I do want, let alone tolerate. Right from the start I only ever thought a one to one relationship would be the only one that would have any chance of working. In my first e-mail to Laszlo I wrote “I am definitely looking for a one to one relationship. I would only want one Master, and would like to be the only woman for Him”. And he did say to me once that I should be jealous of any woman that ever came close to him – scratch her eyes out I think were his words. Also, in one of his earlier e-mails he said that he wanted me to please him so much, that he would never want another woman. This makes me now feel like a failure. I have failed him as a woman and as a slave. I’m sure my Master will say that I haven’t failed him, but I’m now having to turn all my ideas and ideals around and try to come to terms with the prospect of another slave in his life. And it’s hard. I guess I’m not a true slave, because a true slave would want what her master wants. His thoughts should be her thoughts. His desires should be her desires.
I think this is hard for me because I simply can’t imagine a situation in which I would feel comfortable, whereas when I think about just my Master and me, then I am beginning to feel more comfortable with that, and with some of the things that I will have to do. The only 2 possible scenarios that I can see are these (and I am being totally honest here. I’m mainly writing this for myself. I’m not trying to influence my Master because I know that he will do what he wants anyway, and I’ll have to fit in with him).
Firstly, the other slave is just a play thing for my Master. If she were a masochist or at least enjoyed serious pain, then my Master could use her when he feels like getting sadistic. She might work or she might not. If she does stay at home, then she will probably do most of the housework, but I would also do my share. During a threesome I would be pretty much prepared to do anything. (I suppose my Master would say that I have to do anything he wishes anyway). When it comes to discipline, my Master wants me to be the one to discipline her. I will do this if he really wishes, but it is something that I would have to learn as it’s not in my nature. But if I was to be disciplined, then I would prefer it if it was my Master who punished me. (Although obviously I wouldn’t want the need to arise where my Master needs to punish me). I would still want to be my Master’s xxxxxxx, his Cxxxxxx, the one who he likes to take to an art gallery or go out with for dinner. I’m not sure where the other slave would fit in here.
The second option is that my Master practically breaks my will and makes me surrender to him completely. I’ll become a slave without emotions or without expression. I’ll no longer be his xxxxxxx or his Cxxxxxxx. I won’t be able to work in this condition, well at least not be able to do the kind of job which I do at present. And I don’t think this is what he would want for me, and me neither.
So option 2 is a non starter. So that leaves option 1. But I don’t know how far or how close that is to what my Master has in mind. I keep hoping that he is going to say one day that he really doesn’t want another slave, and that he is just testing my commitment and dedication to him. But I know that’s not going to happen. It’s really a sad situation, that I have come so far, and that this is causing me so much difficulty and upset.
After thinking like this for an hour or so, my mind was just going round in circles. I was tired, and I fell asleep, still with my collar on and with the vibrator inside. I woke up an hour or so later, feeling a little better. I was now upset that I hadn’t pleased my Master. Especially when I had said only a couple of days ago that I will always be here for him to please him whenever he wanted. I felt that I had disobeyed him, and needed punishing. I got out of bed, and I used the nipple clamps. Still with the vibrator inside I got down on the floor and said my oath. I also said out loud that I was sorry for not obeying my Master when he had told me to make him cum. I stayed in that position for a few minutes. I then took the clamps and put them on my outer pussy lips and got back into the same position. I then knelt up with my legs together. This pressed my pussy lips together and I could feel the clamps more. After 5 minutes or so I asked my Master for permission to go to the bathroom. I said that I would take the vibrator out and take my collar off while I had a bath, but that I would put the vibrator straight back afterwards.
I had a quick bath, then changed the battery in the vibrator and put it back in my pussy. The black leotard needed washing, so I have another one I can use, but it isn’t as close fitting as the black one, but is OK for wearing at home. I also put my collar back on. When I’m wearing my collar I do feel different. Maybe I should ask my Master if I could wear it more when I am home. He has never insisted that I wear it apart from the times when I talk to him on the phone. I spent an hour or so tidying up the kitchen. I then started to write in my diary. (It’s now 2.00 pm and I’ll be able to phone my Master in ½ hour). I feel like I’m letting him down, especially as he had sent me a lovely e-mail, saying how we can maybe go up to Los Angeles for a weekend when I’m there in September. He also talked about the other slave too! He said that he would want us to be good friends. I suppose that is one of the plus points in all this. I never had a sister, and I did miss that.
I went upstairs at around 2.15 pm, got undressed and with the vibrator still inside me I got down on the floor into my submission position. I stayed like that until it was time to phone my Master. When I phoned him, I said my oath to him. He asked me how I was because he sensed that I was upset, and knew that I was upset earlier too. I said to him that it was the thing with the other slave. My Master then told me to make myself comfortable on the bed. He did say that I do need to decide. Do I want this or not? And if I do want it, then I have to accept all that comes with it. With regard to the other slave, we talked at length on this, and he does understand my concerns, and feels that most of the problem is due to my feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. But he did say that this has nothing whatsoever to do with any inadequacy on my part. He said that I am special, and will always be so. We also talked in more detail about how the situation might be. The other slave would have to understand that I am my Master’s first slave, and in terms of punishment, yes he would want me to punish her if she needs punishing, and with regards to her punishing me, then he said if I had done something really bad or had embarrassed him, then he would have her punish me. But he did say that generally he wouldn’t have her punish me. He would want me to actively be involved with her training, teaching her how to look, how to behave and how to please my Master. Finally to try to help me, my Master said to try to look at it in terms of doing this to fulfill his needs, provide him with what he has always wanted. And feel proud that he could only accomplish this with my help. I will try, and I did feel a lot better after talking with him. I think I have realised that I am worrying about something, when really I don’t know what it is I should be worrying about.
All the time we were talking, the vibrator was still inside me and I was wearing my collar. I was almost unaware of either. We then talked about our plans for Toronto, and where I could possibly stay until he manages to move up there. He said it will be good for me being there, getting things sorted out. And yes it will. As long as I have a job, then I will be OK. We also talked about possibly going to Los Angeles or San Diego for a long weekend when I am over there. I’d love to do that with him, because I know we would have a good time, and it might be our only chance to do that.
After we said bye, I came downstairs to write my diary. I also had a look at the xxxxxxx website and others like it. I then went out to do the food shopping. I already had my other leotard on, and over that I put some leggings. I am getting used to having the vibrator inside of me for long periods of time, but it is still a strange sensation when I am outside. Especially as I had to queue for a while at the supermarket. But it’s actually quite an erotic feeling, standing there while this thing is working away. When I got home, I put my collar back on and finished getting my diary up to date.
Later in the evening I was in the sitting room and the phone rang. I had been wearing my collar up until 20 minutes or so ago, so I put it on. I should have got undressed though, because it was my Master. He had read my diary, and he also wanted to phone to let me know that the sunglasses saga is over. He has decided to get his lenses done over there. For now he has had his old lenses put into the frames he got over here. He then asked me how I was feeling now on a scale of 1 to 10. I am feeling much better. I said I was about a ‘2’ this morning. My Master said it was more like a minus 2.
If I’m honest I would prefer it if he wasn’t looking for another slave, but then I might be worrying about something else. And in the scale of things it isn’t so important yet, because first of all I have to get myself to Toronto, and then we have to get together, and my Master said that even then it’s not bound to happen. Or he might just get a part-time slave for threesomes. So nothing is certain. I do feel better. It would be such a waste to throw everything away for the sake of something that might not even happen, or for something that even if it does happen might not be nearly half as bad as I think. And I am making good progress on the other issues, such as the tattoo and piercing. Several months ago I was really scared of that. But now I am a lot more accepting of the fact. And other things too. I used to even be worried about the clothes that my Master might have me wear. But I am actually looking forward now to wearing a corset and high heels. I’m sure my body is going to be vastly enhanced by a corset and I’m sure my Master will be pleased with the way I’ll look. And the choker collar too. I can actually visualise wearing it on a daily basis. The strange thing recently is that I have started wearing my training collar more. But I don’t really know why, because it’s not as though my Master has told me to wear it. It just feels right sometimes.
So I’m not going to worry about the other slave, and just enjoy the fantasies that my Master, and maybe I, come up with. In fact this afternoon I was thinking about the doggy fantasy that my Master described. I can imagine now how he might say to the other slave how I enjoy so much being my Master’s pet. And he would order her to walk me on a leash or take me out to pee, and then maybe she could entertain my Master in some way while I’m curled up at my Master’s feet.
A word about the vibrator that’s still in there. Apart from my bath this morning, and going to the loo 3 or 4 times, it has been there, switched on, even when I went to the supermarket. It has been about 17 hours. I do accept it though. I accept that it was my Master’s wish for me today. For the last few hours I have been having kind of contractions, like I’m on the edge of orgasm. I’ll go and get ready for bed soon. I will take a quick bath, then put the vibrator back inside me before I phone my Master.
After my bath, I replaced the vibrator and put on my collar, and phoned my Master. When he answered the phone I said my oath to him, and he said good. He asked me what I had been doing since we last spoke. He also asked how I was feeling now, and I said much better. I do feel like I have things more in perspective now. My Master said I could take the vibrator out after my session. I asked at what time should I call him in the morning, and he said the same – 6.30 am. He then let me go.
I then laid on the bed, and with the vibrator still inside me, I put the other one so the tip of it was on my clit. This sent vibrations all around my pussy. Because I’d had the vibrator inside me for so long I was already feel very aroused. I started to fantasise, telling myself that I was my Master’s slave, his toy for his pleasure, and that my only function is to please and serve him. And my purpose is to obey him. I obey him by inserting a vibrator inside of me whenever he says, and keeping it there for however long he says, or by inserting a butt plug, or both, and keeping them inserted for as long as he says, so I know that both my cunt and anus now belong to him. After just 10 minutes I started to have an orgasm. I just managed to ask my Master for permission, and then I thanked him for the orgasm. I then removed the vibrator, saying thank you to my Master. I then got out of bed, and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I also said out loud to him that I will not worry about what other slaves he may or may not have in the future, but will get on with the process of improving myself as his slave.
I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom, and when I came back I laid in bed. I was feeling sleepy, too tired to read. I fell asleep – still with my collar on.
Sunday, July 14
I woke up at about 4.00 am. The bedside table lamp was still on. I had my collar on too. I took it off then, and switched off the light, and fell asleep again. I woke up again at 7.50. At about 8.00 am I got up. I put on my collar, and got down on the floor to say my oath. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I then got ready to go out for my swim.
I had a good swim. It is a good feeling knowing that I am doing it both for myself and for my Master. He wants me to get toned up, work on the top of my legs especially, and to take good care of my body. At 9.30 am, the adults only session ends, and the pool starts to fill up with mums and dads with their kids. I just happened to look at them and thought to myself that that isn’t for me and I have made a different choice for my life. It may not be mainstream, but at that particular moment, it felt right for me. And generally this morning I am feeling positive.
I have spent a little time on the Internet this morning, looking at sites for chokers. I think the best thing is to get the silver or gold cameo from somewhere separately (I’m not sure where yet), and then I can get the ribbon (that shouldn’t be a problem), and then take it to a jewellers for it to be mounted, and finished off.
I did some de-weeding at the front of the house, and a bit of cleaning up downstairs. It was then 1.30 pm and time for a bath and shave. I hadn’t shaved yesterday, and I was looking forward to having a good shave everywhere, especially as I would be phoning my Master soon. I finished at around 2.15 pm and went into the bedroom. I put on my collar and laid on the bed for 5 minutes or so. Then for the rest of the time up until 2.30 pm I got down on the floor into my submission position. When I am in this position with my collar on, I am able to focus on my submission.
At 2.30 I phoned my Master. He gave me the order to speak, and I said my oath to him. He then said to get up onto the bed. I did this, and laid on my back with my legs up and spread. I didn’t touch myself. We talked about the photos he had sent on his e-mail of his photo albums, and his newly cut sunglasses. I hadn’t noticed the part properly where the lens didn’t fit, and I said that I would look again. My Master asked if I was nervous again. It’s not really nerves – I just get aroused when I talk with him, and kind of on edge because I never know what is going to happen. He said there is nothing wrong with getting aroused. We then talked some more, and my Master happened to say that the humidity over there had increased slightly and his bedroom door had expanded, and was now a tight fit. I was thinking about something else, and so was he, but he actually said it! – that sometimes a tight fit is really nice. He said he doesn’t like a cunt when it has gone loose. At least he shouldn’t have that problem with me. I hope my cunt will always be nice and tight for him. (and my ass too – tight, but still easy for him to penetrate whenever he wants).
My Master then asked me how my night time session had been. I said that I had cum really quickly. He said it was probably because of the vibrator, and then said that perhaps he would have me insert a vibrator again today. But the large one this time. And he said, put it in now while we talk. I did so immediately, but said that it wouldn’t go in all the way, and I wouldn’t be able to sit down properly. He said it will be good for me to feel controlled. He said, that’s what you want, isn’t it? I said yes Master.
He said to imagine me and 2 other slaves all lined up, in the same position, ass up, face down, begging to be touched, begging to be fucked by my Master. He wants to see 3 cunts before his eyes. And when he fucked one of them, I would be on the floor, licking his ass or licking his balls, or whatever he commanded me to do, and when he was ready to come, he would take his cock out of her cunt, and slip it into my mouth, and let me have his cum. That would be so wonderful, and I can imaging how fantastic it would be for my Master, to have a cunt in front of him, fucking her, and then have me at his feet, with my mouth, his second cunt, close to his cock longing to taste his cum.
My Master then said to imagine that I was on my back, and another slave was in the doggy position. She was over me and licking my cunt. My Master was fucking her from behind. When he came, he would cum all over her cunt, and his cum would run down from her cunt into my mouth. He said to say this to him in my own words. It turned me on so much, imagining waiting for his cum, and then when he was close to cumming I would put my head up to her cunt and stick out my tongue to have my Master’s beautiful cum. My Master says that I should start to think in these terms. And I can start to do this now, because I know that I will always be my Master’s first slave.
He asked me what my purpose was. I said it is to obey you Master. He then asked what my function was. I said it is to please and serve you Master. And then he asked what kind of slave are you. I said that I am a no limits slave. He said that’s right, because that is the only kind of slave. A slave who obeys and makes no demands, just follows her Master’s orders. He said that whatever he tells me to do, I will do it. If he tells me to lick another slave’s cunt, I will lick it. If he tells me to spread my cunt I will do it. I will spread my cunt for anyone he tells me to – for my Master, or for another slave, or for anybody else. If he tells me to hold open another slave’s cunt lips so that he can fuck her, I will do it. If he tells me to pee into another slave’s mouth, I will do it. He said that some of these things might give me pleasure too, and that is OK, but he said that the main thing always is that I do it for his pleasure. If I am licking another slave’s cunt, I am doing it not for my pleasure, but for his.
I said to him that I love his cock, I love his cum. He said that I have to worship his cum. He said that wherever he cums, I will lick it up. Whether it is from a slave’s mouth, her cunt, anywhere on her body, off the floor, out of a glass, even if he cums on my food, I will eat it up. And my Master said that I should worship his pee as much as his cum. He said that he will use me as a toilet, because he knows that I long for that so much. He said that I will drink his pee and sometimes he will pee on my food. He then had me say this to him in my own words. I said that I will worship his pee as I worship his cum. I’ll long for him to pee in my mouth, on my face, on my breasts, so that I can rub it into my body, and smell the aroma, and I long to taste his pee on my food, have the taste of his pee in my mouth, and I’ll beg him for his pee, for his cum. I just long for anything that comes from him.
He then had me talk to him to make him cum. I said that my tongue, mouth, cunt and ass belong to him, to give him pleasure. My mouth is a second cunt, to be penetrated and fucked whenever he wants, and my tongue is to lick him – lick his cock clean when he has peed, lick his ass, lick and worship his feet, lick his toes, his whole body. And my mouth exists to serve his cock. That’s where it belongs – my mouth wrapped around his cock. I said that I’ll beg him for his cum. To please cum on me – in my mouth, on my face, on my breasts, I just want him to cum on me. And then my Master was near to cumming, and I begged him to please cum in my mouth. He then said to open my mouth, and I could imagine his beautiful cum in my mouth.
It took several minutes to calm down. My Master then asked me what my plans were for the rest of the day. I said that I would first dry myself off, and then get the vibrator fixed in place, and then I had some cleaning up to do, and some paperwork. He said to enjoy that! – and to phone him before I went to bed. We then said bye.
I laid on the bed for a while, with the vibrator deep inside me. My whole body was wet. As I cooled down, I was thinking of my submission to my Master. I know this is the right thing for me to be doing. Deep down I do want to be controlled, and be taken to such heights as only my Master can take me. I love the way in which he controls me. With just a few words, he can have me doing all sorts of things. Things which I never thought possible. I was thinking about the piercing, and know that it will happen soon. Not only do I accept it, I am starting to desire it. It will be a huge step for me, and will confirm my status as my Master’s slave, and will be a sign that my Master now owns me. During many of my fantasises lately, I imagine that I am pierced, and that the locks are in place.
About 40 minutes later I got up and holding the vibrator in place I went to the bathroom. I asked my Master for permission to pee, and also for permission to take the vibrator out for a moment. Afterwards I put the vibrator straight back and came back to the bedroom. I put the leather belt around my waist, and then tied a long silk scarf around the end of the vibrator. I then pushed the vibrator in deep and pulled the ends of the scarf and tied one to the belt at the front, and the other at the back. I pulled them fairly tight, so that the vibrator would be held very firmly in place. I also changed the batteries so that I could set the vibrator on a fairly high setting.
When this was done I put on some clothes. The whole feeling is one of feeling very controlled. I also feel very submissive towards my Master, and feel very happy knowing that I am doing this for him. The feeling of the belt around my waist is also erotic, because it gives an extra sense of control. I feel like Christine in “Controlling Christine”. She had a steel belt around her waist which was permanently fixed in place, which was used to hold in place the dildos which were more or less permanently inserted in her cunt and anus. The scarf I have tied round the vibrator which is attached to my belt at the back, runs between my bum cheeks and that enhances the feeling. On top of all that, the vibrator is working away, and will continue doing so for several hours yet. It is now nearly 7.00 pm. It has been fixed in there like this for over 3 hours, and it will be probably another 4 hours before I go to bed. But there is no guarantee that my Master will let me take it out. He may say that I am to keep it in all night. Whatever he says, I will obey him. I am grateful to my Master for showing me that he controls me, even from so far away.
The vibrator limits my movements a bit. This is good because I want to have my freedom in everything limited and controlled by my Master. Walking is strange, as the end of the vibrator rubs against my inner thighs in a kind of erotic way. I can just about sit down, but not directly on my bum. If I want to bend down, I have to kneel down first. Not a bad thing for me! A slave should get used to being on her knees. I thought it would be impossible to get into my submission position. But it is just about possible, although the vibrator really stretches my pussy.
During the early evening I did the rest of the cleaning around the house. I did the vacuuming and polished the furniture. I tried to forget about the vibrator (not very easy to do), and just get on with what I was doing. Afterwards I felt a bit hot and uncomfortable, and felt like I was going to have to have a wash, but I cooled down, and relaxed for a while. I have spoken with my mum on the phone. She asked how Lxxxxx was. Of course I said that he was fine, and that I had talked with him today. What I was really thinking is that he is fantastic, and he has got me here with a great big vibrator stuck up my cunt! I have also had dinner by now.
It is now just after 10.00 pm. An hour or so ago, I kind of started going through the phase where the constant vibrations start to get to me. I start to have convulsions, and in my anus too, because the vibrator sends vibrations all across my pussy and up to my anus. I think I am glad that my Master did not have me do this yesterday. As yesterday I had the vibrator inside me since 6.00 am. It would be driving me crazy by now. But whatever he tells me to do, I know that I must do it, even if it is going to be uncomfortable. I have learnt that. Right now, it feels like my cunt is being given a long and hard work out.
I’ll go upstairs soon. I will practice my slave positions for a while, before phoning my Master. I got undressed so that I just had the belt on, with the vibrator still in place. I put my collar on. I also used the clamps on my nipples. I am getting more used to these too now. I can keep them on for about 20 minutes without it being too painful. If I pull the chain, or especially when my Master pulls it, it is a different matter. But in time, I will learn to handle this too. I first got into my sitting position, and then table, and then face down, ass up, and then kneeling up. I did each position for about 5 minutes or so, and throughout I was thinking of my Master, telling myself that I am doing this for him.
I then took off the clamps, and phoned my Master. When he answered the phone, he gave me the order to speak. I said my oath to him, but when it came to saying ‘Your command is my pleasure’ I almost messed it up. (I blame it on the vibrator!). But seriously, I wouldn’t like my Master to think that I had forgotten my oath. He said to me not to be nervous. He told me to get up onto the bed, and he asked me how I was. I said that I had been thinking of him all day, and he said that it was hardly surprising, since I’d had a large vibrator inside me since the afternoon. My Master said that I could take it out after we had talked, and after I’d had my night time session. He suggested I take a bath afterwards, and rest. I thought it was so nice of him to say that.
We talked about his sunglasses, and about the picture he sent of lenses which he has had cut into the frames. My Master asked me how it had been talking with my mum on the phone. I said that I am getting used to having a vibrator inside me, and carrying on as normal. He said it’s the same with another slave. Soon I will get used to that, and it won’t be such a big deal. My Master really wants me to get along with her, and for her to get along with me, so that we can help one another, and discuss any concerns that may arise. He said it will also be good, because duties and tasks can be shared. He said that he is going to revise his website – cut it down a bit, make it more purpose oriented.
My Master then asked me how I was generally. I said alright. And really I am feeling better about things now, and I am more relaxed. We are starting to plan my visit in September. He is going to send me details of when will be best. He then asked me what I was planning to wear tomorrow. I said to him that I had a meeting in the morning, and on Tuesday too. He said, alright then, wear a skirt on Monday and Tuesday. He said that I could wear underwear. I said thank you. He said to phone him at 12.00 noon at work for the next few days, as he is probably going to be out of the office. We then said bye and he said for me to phone him at his usual time in the morning.
I then had my session. With the large vibrator already working away still, I laid on my stomach and put the 2 smaller ones to my nipples. My already wet pussy was becoming wetter. As I moved my hips, I could feel the vibrator as it moved, well lubricated, inside of me. The whole sensation was very erotic, especially as it had been building up for most of the day. I thought to myself that I am my Master’s slave. My purpose is to obey him, my function is to please and serve him. I will serve him in whatever way he wants at the time. I was imagining serving him as his table. When ordered to do so, I got into the position, and immediately I became his table, and nothing else mattered. My only thought was of being his table, holding this position, until ordered to do otherwise. He then ordered me to take the tray away which had been positioned on my back. I then returned to my Master and he gave me the order to sit. I sat in the correct manner for him, displaying my cunt, showing him that I am available for him. I waited for an instruction from him. My Master then told me to go and get him some juice. I returned with the drink on a tray and knelt down and offered the drink to him. Then he ordered me to be his foot rest. I put the tray down and assumed the position, and a second later I felt my Master’s feet on me. I love serving my Master like this and wanted to tell him and show him, but I remained silent and still, because I knew that I am an object, and should behave as one. Then he said to bring him some more juice. I got up, put the empty glass on the tray, and refilled it. Again I knelt down and held the tray up to my master. He took the glass, and he didn’t speak but simply indicated that I should resume my position on the floor as his foot rest. I obeyed him.
I then started to have an orgasm, and I asked my Master for permission. The contractions started, and then got more intense, and these went on for a couple of seconds. I could feel contractions in my pussy and also in my ass. I thanked my Master for the orgasm. I then got out of bed, and got down on the floor into my submission position. The vibrator was not as deep inside of me now, and I was able to get into my position properly. I said my oath to my Master, and then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I also asked for permission to take the vibrator out. I did this and took my collar off too, and then took a quick bath.
It is a strange feeling taking the vibrator out, after it has been inside for so long. And especially the large one. I thought I might feel a sense of relief, but I didn’t really. It’s quite simple really – my Master said that I could take it out after I had masturbated, so that’s what I did. After my bath, I laid in bed. I was a bit sleepy, but I read for 10 minutes or so. As I turned the light off, I said goodnight Master, and hoped that I had pleased my Master this weekend by following his instructions, even though I know there are still many areas where I need to make improvement.
Monday, July 15
I didn’t really sleep well. Even the first hour or so, I couldn’t easily settle. I think it was to do with all the activity of the day. I kept having slight sensations in my cunt, like the vibrator was still there. I think the experience of having it inside me for so long had aroused me, and laying naked in bed, feeling the smoothness of my body against the bed covers, I was feeling quite sexy. It was quite a warm night too! I did finally fall asleep. But I woke up at around 5.00 am. I laid awake for 15 minutes or so, then decided to go to the loo. I got out of bed, and stood by the bed to ask my Master for permission. When I came back, I think I must have fallen asleep again fairly quickly, for the next thing I knew, the alarm clock was going off. But when I woke up I had a head-ache.
I got out of bed, put my collar on, and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I then got up and asked him for permission to go to the bathroom. I had a quick wash, then got ready for work. It looked like it was going to be warm again. I put on a nice bra and panties, stockings, and wore my brown skirt with a nice top, and my brown/cream shoes.
I am feeling a lot more positive today. My Master has described my situation as being similar to the weather. I am not in control of it, and therefore can’t do anything about it. I can’t change it, and even if I moan about it, it isn’t going to change. And some days it will be sunny and others it will be raining. This is a very good analogy. My Master says it really is best if I just accept things. Accept that he is in charge and that way I will have a lot less to worry about. I do understand the idea behind this, although doing it is a lot harder. But I think I am beginning to think like this now. For instance things that used to worry me a great deal, such as the piercing, do not worry me anywhere near as much now. I accept that it is going to happen, and when it is done, then I will deal with anything that needs to be dealt with. The same goes for the tattoo. I know that it is going to be done. No doubt both these things will have a major psychological affect on me. But I hope that it is going to be a positive one. One that will confirm and continually re-affirm my status as my Master’s slave, and so deepen my submission.
I was also thinking about what my Master had me do over the weekend. When he had me put a vibrator inside me (and this was particularly relevant on Sunday when I had to insert the large one), to begin with I thought, how can I do that, I won’t be able to sit down properly. But then when it is inserted, I just accept it, and get on with doing what I need to do during the day, and cope with any discomfort and find ways around the limitations which the vibrator has on me. And then when I have taken it out, I am pleased that I have done this for my Master. And I also wonder how on earth I managed it sometimes. I wonder what he will have in store for me next time. (Maybe he’s reading this now, thinking – you haven’t seen anything yet baby. Maybe?). That’s one thing which is so wonderful about this type of relationship. I will find myself doing things which I never ever thought possible, and I will constantly surprise myself at what I am capable of. I will also discover desires which I never knew existed within me.
After my morning meeting, I drove back to my office. I drive past the house, so I stopped by, to check the mail. I also took some painkillers for my headache. (It finally went by the time I left work). My Master had sent me an e-mail suggesting that I arrive around September 16th. That’s 9 weeks today! He is going to arrange a long weekend for us in Los Angeles. That will be really nice, and as he said on the phone last night, I do like travelling with him so much. And it will be nice to see such places with him. But no matter where I am with him, I will still be his slave. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t have an enjoyable time together. I think I will be a lot more relaxed than when we went to Las Vegas. Because then I was all mixed up still. I didn’t know how to behave, and couldn’t reconcile being a slave and still being Cxxxxxxx. But I think I understand this more now. When my Master was here, and we were in London, it was OK, although I did have my moments.
My Master said that when I am with him I will be able to practice my slavery, although he then added that I shouldn’t have to really practice it; it should come naturally. Obviously I am looking forward to being with him again, but the main thing is to continue the bonding process and to show my commitment to him. And I do realise that showing my commitment to him will probably mean getting pierced, if not tattooed as well.
I phoned my Master at 8.00 pm (noon for him). I checked my e-mail before hand, and he had said that it would be OK to phone. I went upstairs at around 7.50, got undressed and put on my collar. I went into the other room and stood in front of the mirror. Naked with my collar on, I definitely feel transformed. I imagined what the tattoo will look like, and how the piercings will feel. I stood there for a few minutes, then went back into the bedroom. I got down on the floor, and said my oath, then I phoned my Master. It was lovely to hear him. We had a nice chat, and he made me laugh. I love his sense of humour. He said how there had been a terrible storm over there last night. Over 70 mph winds. He said that the power went off a couple of times. I said that amazingly over here, we are enjoying some sunshine for a few days at least. We discussed the dates when I would go over there, and I’ll book the time off work, and get the flight booked as soon as possible. We then said bye, and he said to phone him in the morning. (I have a meeting at 2.00 pm off site, but I can call him from the car on the way. I’ll just stop at around 1.25 pm).
Afterwards I got dressed again, had some dinner and then updated my diary. After finishing with the computer I went up to bed. I got undressed and put on my collar. I also wrapped the belt around my waist. I used the large vibrator (which I know so intimately now) on my clit and the 2 smaller ones on my nipples. I started to fantasise, telling myself that I am my Master’s slave and that my purpose is to obey. I was imagining my Master telling me that by the time my training is finished, I will be totally obedient and completely subservient. If my Master tells me to put my hand in a flame, I will put it in a flame. If my Master tells me to go outside and stand naked, I will go outside and stand naked. It is not my place to question his orders, but merely to carry them out. My Master also said that my training is never really over, it is always ongoing. It must continue so that I continue to improve, and never forget what I am or where my place is.
I was then fantasising about being with my Master. At the start of the day he had instructed me to insert the large vibrator inside of me, and to keep it switched on and held firmly in place. Later in the day, my Master wished for me to accompany him to the supermarket to do the shopping. He said that it would be too much trouble to take the vibrator out and then insert it again, so he said that I would have to keep it in. As I walked along at my Master’s side, it was just about possible to walk without drawing attention to myself. But the feeling was intense and I felt completely controlled. My movements were restricted, and my sexual responses were completely out of my hands as the vibrator worked away unrelentingly. I then started to have an orgasm, and I asked my Master for permission. My body had become wet, and it took a few moments to come down. I put the vibrators aside, and took off the belt, but I still had my collar on. I think I like to keep it on, because I usually feel very submissive after masturbating, and my collar reinforces my submission.
I must have been sleepy, because I fell asleep soon afterwards.
I think this fantasy was influenced by that book ‘Controlling Christine’. In it, she was allowed outside sometimes, but always in some kind of controlling, restrictive bondage. Generally throughout the book the forms of bondage became more and more restrictive.
Tuesday, July 16
I woke up sometime during the night. The lamp was still on, and I still had my collar on. (I seem to be making a habit of this). I took off my collar, and fell asleep again. I didn’t even get up to go to the bathroom.
I woke up later, at about 7.30 am. After a few minutes I got up. I did want to go to the loo then, but first I put on my collar, and I also wanted to give myself an extra reminder that I am my Master’s slave, so I put the clamps on my outer pussy lips. I then got into my submission position and said my oath. I then stood up, with my legs together. Because of the clamps this gives a lot of sensation. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom to pee. I then thanked my Master, took off the clamps and my collar, and went to the bathroom to get ready for work. Putting the clamps there, it makes me wonder how the piercing rings are going to feel, and even more so, how they will feel when the locks are in place. I imagine that it won’t be exactly painful, but that there will be some sensation all the time. I guess to begin with, it will feel strange, but it will also probably turn me on some of the time. But I hope also that in time, I will get used to it, and fully accept that it is a necessary part of my status as a slave.
At work during the morning, my afternoon meeting was cancelled. This meant that I could phone my Master from the car at work as normal. At around 1.20 pm I went to the car. I phoned at 1.30 and when he answered I said that I hadn’t needed to go off site after all. I said that I was planning to go to the bank this afternoon. We talked for a couple of minutes, and then he said to call him at noon, and then he let me go.
At home in the evening, I checked my e-mail. There were 3 e-mails from my Master. One was to tell me of a spelling mistake in a recent entry in my diary. When I write in my diary, as I’m typing, I do mistype some words, but I usually spot them all and correct them, but I had missed one here. I had written Mastre instead of Master. Spell check has actually picked this up here, so I should have really seen it and corrected it. He had also sent me some pictures. One was of his desk at work. He has the ewe hung up, and on his desk is one of the teddy bears he got in London and a tin which he keeps his tea in and a picture of him and I. There were also a couple of pictures of two slaves. When I first saw these, especially the one where they are both face down, ass up, displaying themselves, I really liked the thought of being like this. I even liked the ankle chains. For all the problems I have about this, I do find the idea a turn on. To be lined up as just another cunt is really erotic. He also sent me a nice e-card, sending me some sunshine!
I checked my e-mail again at 7.50 to see if there was a message from him about phoning. There wasn’t anything, so I went upstairs, and got ready to phone him. I got into my submission position and said my oath to him. I then stayed like that for 5 minutes.
Then I phoned him, and when he answered, it was lovely to hear him. I thanked him for the e-mails he had sent. I said that unfortunately I hadn’t been able to transfer the money today, and it will be Thursday when I can get to the bank again. While I was at my bank, I asked about the bank draft I need for my visa application. They can’t do that. It has to be through one of the major UK clearing banks. It was too late to go to one of these today, but I should be able to check that on Thursday too. I said that I had a meeting tomorrow, and was wondering how I could phone him. But he just said to excuse myself if necessary. I said yes, and so whatever I’m doing tomorrow at that time, I will make sure that I phone him.
Because of my spelling mistake in my diary, we had a laugh about how some people’s English is really poor, and especially when they are writing about this kind of thing or applying to an ad to be a slave, you would expect them to take care over details such as spelling and grammar.
I mentioned to my Master that the team at work are planning an evening out on Thursday 1st August. I thought that it was very soon after the night out last week, but he said that I should go and enjoy the time with my friends while I still have the chance. I should be back before 10.00 pm
I asked my Master how he likes my diary, and he said that he does enjoy reading it. It certainly does show how I have progressed, and the way I write is different. I notice that I refer to him as my Master almost all of the time now. Before, I used to refer to him as Master only when I was recounting our phone “sessions”. But it seems natural now to refer to him as Master all of the time.
He asked me how I liked the photographs he had e-mailed to me. I said I liked them (all of them), and My Master said that he was pleased that I am starting to get used to this idea. I even wondered if they were his pictures. But he said no they weren’t. He said that he is definitely going to amend his website to reflect what he is really looking for. He reassured me that any photographs of me that he uses will not give away my identity. I am grateful to him for doing this. For now it’s still important to me, but maybe there will come a time when I will not care in the slightest bit.
My Master asked if I miss him. Do I miss him ? Wow, that’s a bit of an understatement. I miss his presence, I miss his domination over me, I miss his wicked sense of humour, I miss talking with him, laughing with him, of course I miss his cock, I miss massaging him, I miss washing him, and of course I miss his feet, and lots besides. I can get some of these things from his e-mails, and his cards and from talking with him on the phone, and wherever I look, I have his photographs and things to remind me – BUT, there is no substitute for the real thing.
My Master asked me if I’d had fun last night. (It’s difficult talking about some things when he is in the office). I said that it had only taken about 15 minutes or so again. The strangest thing is that since my Master said that I must masturbate until orgasm, I have cum really quickly. Whereas before I have masturbated for almost an hour and not had an orgasm. But also I think I am desiring the whole thing more now, and my fantasies are more realistic. One thing I have discovered is that when my fantasies started to get too extreme or unrealistic, I wouldn’t have an orgasm. Another reason is that I have discovered how I can use the vibrators to stimulate me effectively. That is using the large one on my clit, and the small ones on my nipples. I know that some time ago, my Master had me masturbate without using any toys. I’m not sure what he thinks about me using them each time. I’m sure if he wants me to stop using them, he will let me know.
He then asked me what I was planning to wear tomorrow. I said I will wear a skirt as I have these meetings. He said good, but tomorrow I shouldn’t wear any panties. But he said I should wear a bra. I said yes. He said to me that on Thursday I may not be able to phone him at the office, but he would let me know by e-mail if he was back. He then let me go, and we said bye.
After finishing with the computer I went upstairs for my night time session. I got undressed and put on my collar, and I laid on the bed with the vibrators in their usual place. I started to fantasise telling myself that my purpose is to obey my Master. My function is to please and serve him. I must always be pleasing for him in every way. My behaviour and appearance will be modified to please him. I will always be dressed to please him. Outside I will wear clothes as instructed by him, and inside my normal dress will consist of stockings, high heels, and my collar. And when my Master is home, I will always have my leash attached. Sometimes my Master will have me wear a corset. If I am to wear the white one, then I will also wear white stockings and white high heels. If I am to wear the black one, then I will wear black stockings and black high heels. And always I will wear the red nail polish and lipstick that my Master has chosen for me. Imagining such control made me have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission and then I thanked him.
I got out of bed, and still with my collar on, I got into my submission position and said my oath. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I settled down, and still with my collar on, I curled up and said goodnight Master. I purposely kept my collar on.
Wednesday, July 17
I had a meeting this morning and had a 45 minute drive to get there, so I woke up at 7.00 am. I got up, and as I still had my collar on, I got straight down on the floor and said my oath. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and peed, and then started to run a bath. I usually have a quick bath in the morning to freshen up. I don’t need to run much water.
Sometimes when I go to bed, I wonder to myself whether or not my Master will phone me. Sometimes when he wants to be sexually satisfied he phones before he goes to bed. But by 7.00 am, it is a bit late for him to be phoning. So while I was running the bath, I was surprised to hear the phone ringing. I turned off the tap, and went into the bedroom and put on my collar again, and got down on the floor and answered the phone. It was so nice to hear my Master. I think he was a little surprised that I was up already. We had talked for a few seconds, but then I did say my oath. My Master said good, and then he told me to get up onto the bed, and to spread my legs. He said to spread them as wide as I could. I said yes Master, and waited for his instructions. He then said to put 3 fingers inside my cunt, and to start masturbating. I did as he said, and as I slid my fingers inside, I could feel the lovely wetness of my pussy. My Master then said to talk to him and make him cum.
I started to say that my cunt belongs to him. It is his cunt. That’s what I am, I am his cunt, his cunt on two legs. My cunt, ass, mouth and tongue belong to him. I long to be fucked by him. I’ll beg him to fuck me. I said that he can do as he likes to his cunt. And I want to be pierced by him. I want to have my pussy lips held and locked together. And during the day I will become wet with desire, so that by the evening I will beg him to please touch me, fuck me, do something – anything. He said that I would put my tongue up his ass. Yes Master I said. My mouth belongs to you. It is your second cunt. And the function of my tongue is to lick you, give you pleasure, and I will push it up your ass, trying to taste you, longing to taste you. That’s where it belongs. My Master was then close to cumming, and as he came, I begged him to please cum on me, in my mouth, anywhere. I was so wet and aroused, my whole body was wet. I couldn’t make out what he said, but I heard him say Cxxxxxx, Cxxxxxx. And all I could say was Master. He was all I was thinking of. We then hung up.
I had become really turned on. The thought of pushing my tongue into his ass is really erotic. Imagining being on the floor, and my function at that particular moment is to be an object that gives sexual pleasure by holding my tongue erect and in his ass. Later in the morning, I was thinking that I should have talked to him about something sexy with another slave, or another 2 slaves, because that is what he likes. Yes I should have done that. Next time!
I then had my bath, and then got ready for work. I wore my brown skirt and a nice top. Stockings, bra, but no panties. At my meeting, the afternoon session reconvened at around 12.50. At just after 1.25 pm, there was a kind of natural break in the proceedings anyway, so I got up and said that I had to make a phone call. I went outside and phoned my Master. He hadn’t had a good night at all. He said he slept late, and it was too hot to sleep anyway. He said that he would use the AC to cool it down as much as possible tonight, and go to bed earlier. I was wishing that he could just come over here for a month or so. Right now the weather is nice. And in the evenings I have the heating on for a couple of hours, but because of the warmth during the day, the upstairs of the house is fairly warm, and it is pleasant for sleeping.
My meeting finished earlier than planned, so I was able to get back to Xxxxxxxxx and do the money transfer. I then checked out what I need to do to get the international bank draft. I then had my usual Wednesday evening swim. (I had taken my kit with me, thinking that I would probably be able to still go after my meeting). When I got home, there was a parcel in the mail box. My Master’s model buses have arrived. All 3 are intact. They’re nice too. Also I have received my police clearance certificate. So that is a significant step closer.
When I checked my e-mail, there were several e-mails from my Master. One was about his updated website. I was wondering what he had done, and which pictures he might have included. But when I looked at it, I wasn’t shocked or upset. And the good thing was that all the pictures were small, and he had blocked them from being copied, and even if someone managed to copy and enlarge a picture, the quality would not be so good. In fact I actually liked it. I particularly liked the row of pictures down the left hand side, and then when I went onto his biography page, there was a row of pictures of him – the one of him standing in front of the cross. It’s nice seeing photographs that we took over here.
I think the updated website has had a good effect on me. On it, my Master refers to me as his slave, and even mentions that this is her on the left (referring to the row of pictures down the left hand side). It has made it more real. Not that it wasn’t real before. I do feel proud to be part of his life, and to be his slave. And with regards to anybody recognising me. Firstly my Master has tried to hide my identity anyway, and if anyone thought that any of the pictures looked like me, then they would surely conclude that it was just coincidence, as Cxxxxxx is here – she’s not somewhere else doing this. And even then if someone challenged me, which they wouldn’t, but if they did, well what are they doing looking on this kind of site in the first place anyway? Having said that, I do still wish to keep my relationship with my Master quiet until I am least there with him.
My Master had also said that I should start getting the choker collar sorted out. I am just a bit fearful of getting something made up, and then when I see him, he’ll say it’s not really what he had in mind. So as I see things – either the cameo or the ribbon – that I think might be suitable, I will have to talk with him about it.
I just had time to take a quick bath and wash my hair, and then at 7.55 pm I put on my collar, and got down into my position. I said my oath, and then stayed in my position for a few minutes. At 8.00 I phoned him. Unfortunately he wasn’t having a good day. His computer was down for 3 ½ hours while the IT people were trying to replace the mother board. He was feeling bad also because he hadn’t slept well. I hoped that my news about getting my police clearance papers was good news, and best of all I wasn’t getting upset about the website. He asked me how I was, and I said that I was OK. We talked about the site a bit. I am glad that he has changed it, because it is more accurate as to what he is really looking for. It is very clear to anyone who reads it, that they would be one of several slaves. Before we said bye, my Master asked me what my plans for tomorrow were. I said to him that I had a meeting in the afternoon at 2.00 pm, so I could easily call him at his usual time. I said that I could wear a skirt if he wished. He said yes, and I asked if there was anything else. He said not to wear any panties (although he didn’t phrase it like that). I also mentioned the choker. He said that he could e-mail me a drawing if that would be useful. I said yes, thank you.
Generally today, I am feeling positive. I don’t have any major concerns. Maybe it’s because we have talked about most, if not all, of the things that used to worry me the most. We have talked at length now about the other slave or slaves. All I can do now is get on with what I need to do, and not worry about things so much. There’s no point worrying about something that I don’t know if or when it is going to happen. And as for the piercing and tattooing – I have accepted that it is going to be done at some stage. And if my Master decides that he wants to have it done in September, then one way or another, I will deal with it.
Before I went to bed, I sent my Master some e-mails. I had been looking at a couple of sites about piercings, and realised that I know very little about this subject. Now that I have accepted the fact that I will be pierced, I am now interested to know how. Is it the inner or outer, or both, or clit hood, that my Master would like piercing? From what I can gather, the piercing of the outer lips is more painful and takes longer to heal. This is presumably because the skin is thicker. And does he want the piercings to be straight or at an angle? And what size and width of rings and how many? All these things will apparently determine how comfortable or otherwise the rings will feel. I know a true slave should accept anything that her Master decides for her. But I hope that my Master doesn’t want me to be pierced so that the irritation and discomfort is too much to bear. He has said previously that he wants me to be able to feel it so that I know my cunt belongs to him. But just how much feeling does he want there to be?
When I went to bed, I got ready for my night time session. I got undressed and put on my collar. I used the vibrators as usual, and for the first few minutes, I put the clamps on my outer pussy lips. I’m not using these very often, only when my Master tells me to, but occasionally I do, so that I am getting used to them. I don’t want to be freaking out over these any more. I laid in bed and began to fantasise. I was imagining being with my Master and another slave. One morning, my Master said that he knows how I like to be his pet, so today I would be treated like the bitch that I am. My Master watched as his other slave took me into the back yard and exercised me. My Master then said that I should be allowed to pee. His other slave led me on a leash, as I crawled along, to the place where I was allowed to pee. She brought me to a halt at the place. My Master then gave the command for me to pee. Still remaining in my doggy position, I raised my leg and peed, as instructed. Both my Master and his slave enjoyed watching. My Master then ordered his slave to take me inside, water me and feed me. In the evening, while my Master relaxed watching a couple of DVDs, his other slave sucked on his cock, and I was allowed to curl up on the floor at my Master’s feet. Occasionally my Master would put his foot to my mouth, and I was allowed to lick it and suck his toes.
I was then imagining, again being one of two slaves, in my Master’s house. When my Master was due to get back home, we were waiting for him. We were both dressed correctly, with collar and leash. We were waiting kneeling up, and when Master entered the house, we immediately got into the submission position. When Master gave the order, we one by one said our oath. He then gave the order to stand for inspection. He inspected me first, while the other slave stood waiting for her inspection. First he checked under my arms, and then my make-up, and in particular my lipstick. He then walked around me, and still with my arms in the air, he slid a finger across my cunt. I knew it was wet, but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to cry out in delight at his touch, but I held my silence. He said, Butterfly, you’re so wet. All I could do was murmur yes Master. I hoped that I wouldn’t cum without his permission. And then I did start to cum. I asked my Master for permission – begged him. And then I thanked him.
It took a couple of minutes to come back down. My body was so hot and my pussy so wet. I put the vibrators aside, and then got out of bed and down on the floor. I said my oath to my Master. I then asked for permission to go to the bathroom to pee. When I came back, I laid in bed, still with my collar on, and drifted off to sleep ……….
Thursday, July 18
I woke up at around 4.00 am. I still had my collar on, and the bedside table lamp was still on. I took off my collar and turned off the lamp, and soon went back to sleep.
When I woke again it was around 7.30 am. Soon afterwards I got up. I put on my collar and got into my submission position. I said my oath. I remained like that for a couple of minutes. I then got up onto my knees and then stood up. I asked my Master for permission to pee. After washing I got dressed. I wore my shorter skirt and a nice top, stockings and shoes. No panties as instructed.
My meeting in the afternoon started at 2.00 pm. I left my office in sufficient time so that I could phone my Master at his usual time. By around 1.27 pm I was about 10 minutes away. I pulled off into a side road. When I phoned him it was lovely to hear him. He said he had slept OK. Last night I had sent him a picture of a pierced cunt. He said that some cunts certainly are more ugly than others. I said that up until now I had never really thought about what mine looked like, let alone other peoples. Although, I would have never described my pussy as ugly. Of course, before I met my Master, I also had pussy hair, so it was not so easy to see everything. My Master said that talking about cunts had made him hard, and he was now holding his nice erect cock in his hand. I wish I could have been there. He asked me what I was wearing. I said my short skirt and nothing much else down there. He said to touch his cunt, and to tell him if it was wet. I put my fingers to my cunt, and said to my Master that it was wet. He said he could really fuck me now. Just 2 really deep thrusts of his cock, and then take it out and push it into my mouth. And then he said how he would love to have 2 or more cunts all lined up, ready to fuck. Just like in that photograph. I said yes. Yes that did turn me on a lot. He said he could fuck one, and then take his cock out, and fuck the second one, and then the third one, and then back to the first. Or he could have one cunt sucking on his cock while I sucked on his feet, and then he would fuck me with his feet. He knows that I love that so much. And when he came, I would lick up his cum. Because that is the function of my tongue – to lick his cum.
I was getting really turned on, and started to say how I and another slave would be face down, ass up, with our cunt lips spread apart, waiting to be fucked by him. I then began to say that if he came on her ass, I would lick it up. And then he came. Oh how I wish I could have tasted his cum. After a minute or so, he let me go, saying to check my e-mail in the evening at home to see if he was back in the office.
I was so hot, and my pussy was dripping. Again, I needed the car blowers to cool me down. I have also got a box of tissues (Kleenex) in the car now, for these occasions. I think I could also do with a shower and a change of clothing sometimes. I wiped my pussy with the tissue, while I cooled down and dried off. I then drove the rest of the way to the meeting. I felt good because hopefully I had pleased my Master, and had helped him to have a good start to his day. I also felt good inside, and couldn’t help smiling to myself. I felt a bit like a slut, but in a nice way, thinking how I’d had my hand inside my pussy, while talking with my Master, without a care about whether anyone could see me or not.
In the evening, I had my induction at the gymnasium. If I go here twice a week along with my swimming, there should be some noticeable improvement in my body tone within a couple of months. When I got back, I checked my e-mail. My Master had sent me a link to a site about piercings and other body modifications. Strangely, it was one that I had seen yesterday. There is so much to know about piercings. As I have said, I have accepted the fact that it is going to happen. And I certainly do get very turned on when I masturbate when I imagine this, but now I am looking at it for real. I am wondering how it is really going to feel. I can stand some pain at the time, that’s not a problem, but I wouldn’t like to think that it was going to be constantly painful afterwards.
It was about 7.30 pm, and I checked my e-mail again. My Master had sent me another e-mail to say that he was now back in the office and that I could phone him at noon. That made me really happy. Because I didn’t know when I would be able to talk with him. At 7.55 I went upstairs and got ready to phone him. We talked for a few minutes. He mentioned the link which he had sent me, but it’s not the sort of thing we can discuss much while he is in the office. He said that his morning hadn’t gone too bad, and he found one of the items he needed to locate for his inventory, but he said it was by pure luck more than anything else. Before we said bye, he reminded me that I should wear the same outfit tomorrow. By that I knew that he meant no panties, but I did ask him if I could wear jeans, and he said yes. We then said bye.
So my concerns at the moment are : the piercings. Not so much the fact itself, but how it is going to be. I’m not worried about it though, because I know that my Master will not do something to me that is going to harm me either physically or psychologically. And I’m sure he will talk to me about it when we have the opportunity. Also, as we are now planning my visit in September.
When I went up to bed, I put my collar on and got ready for my night time session. As it turned out, this was one of the longest sessions I have had for some time – certainly since my Master has said that I should masturbate until orgasm.
I put the tip of the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 smaller ones on my nipples. I started to fantasise. Half an hour or so later, I put the large vibrator inside of me. That instantly made me feel the same way it did, when my Master had me keep it there last Sunday. I was imagining again carrying out my duties or doing jobs around the house, with the vibrator firmly in place. I then started to fantasise about some kind of remote controlled vibrator that my Master could have inserted in my pussy. It would be inserted deep inside me and secured in such a way that I could not remove it. Only my Master could release me from it. By using the remote control he could change the intensity of the vibrations. The remote control was very powerful, and it could be used anywhere in the house. He could use it to summon me to him from any room in the house. If the vibrator was on a low to medium setting, and it suddenly changed to a high vibration, it would mean that my Master wanted me. I would immediately stop what I was doing and go to him. My Master would then perhaps reset the vibrator back to a lower setting, and give me instructions as to what he wanted me to do. Or maybe he was just summoning me to say that the vibrator was going to be on a higher setting for an hour or so. I really felt that I was his toy.
I was getting really turned on, and my body was getting wet, and my pussy even wetter, but I hadn’t had an orgasm yet. I liked the fact that I had to masturbate until I did have an orgasm. My thoughts then turned to something else, and I started to fantasise about how my Master had now acquired a second slave. As my Master relaxed on the sofa, I and his new slave stood before him. He had me explain the rules to her.
I first explained the rule about body hair. At all times, the body should be kept shaved. The only body hair that is allowed is hair on the head and eyebrows. Every day Master will inspect his slaves and they will be checked for the presence of any body hair. Punishment will follow if they are found with any hair. This will be by way of the crop, applied to the area of the body where the hair was present.
I then said that at all times Master’s slaves will wear a collar. Outside the home this may be a choker collar. Inside the house, it will more than likely be a training collar. The collar will also be kept on during the night. Master will allow his slaves to remove their collar when showering but must replace it straight afterwards. Also when Master is in the house, a leash must always be attached to the collar.
I didn’t get onto rule 3, because I started to have an orgasm. As I felt it starting, I asked my Master for permission to orgasm. By now it was about 2.00 am. I put the vibrators aside, and got out of bed. My pussy was so wet. I got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. I then thanked him for the orgasm, and then stood up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I peed, and dried myself off, then came back to bed. I’d got so hot while masturbating, that the bed covers were damp, so I slept on the other side of the bed. I took off my collar and settled down to go to sleep. I don’t think it was long before I fell asleep.
Friday, July 19
I hadn’t gone to the loo during the night, so when I woke up, I needed to go. First though, I put on my collar (and the clamps on my nipples – so I could “feel” closer to my Master), and got down on the floor. I said my oath to my Master and then stood up. I asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I then took off my collar and the clamps, went to the loo and then got ready for work. I wore my jeans – but no panties.
At 1.25 pm I went up to the car to phone my Master. It was lovely to hear him. He was OK, but tired. He said that the increase in humidity together with the heat is very tiring. He said that I would find it difficult over there right now. My Master had sent me a message at work to he needs to know the dates exactly. I said that I should be able to get the flight booked on Tuesday.
He asked me if I had looked at any more sites about piercing. I said no I hadn’t. We talked about this for a while, and my Master said that he would probably want 3 piercings – one on either side, so he can lock the lips together, and one on the clit. My Master was starting to get turned on, and so was I. He said he wants me to feel like I am owned. He said “you want to feel owned, don’t you”. I said yes, and he said yes, what ? I replied yes Master. He said that he doesn’t want to have my nipples pierced – but maybe the other slave’s. Even though I do fantasise about this sometimes, and get turned on by it, I think I am pleased that he doesn’t want mine pierced.
He then asked how his cunt was. I said it was probably wet. He said to touch it and see. I did, and said to him that it was nice and wet. He said to put 3 fingers in there. He said that if I were there, I would definitely get my morning fuck.
My Master then had me say my oath to him. He then said that if I were there he would command me to suck his cock, and he told me to tell him how I would do it. I started to say that I would start by licking the rim, and then underneath – the bit that he likes, and then lick the length of it, and then take him deep into my mouth. My Master then said that I should also use my hand on the shaft. He said that I would suck his cock, and then go down to suck his balls, and then down further and lick his ass, and stick my tongue up his ass, and then back up again, and suck on his cock, and then his balls again and then his ass. As he was saying this, I was imagining doing it, and as he was saying how I would move from his cock, to his balls, to his ass, and back, I was getting turned on more and more. For those few seconds, I was entirely in his world. All I could say was Master, my Master. He asked was I cumming? I wasn’t quite there, but hearing him say that brought me closer.
I said to my Master that I love his cock, and he said that I should worship it. I will worship it, and his cum too. I want to taste every drop of his cum. Wherever he cums, I’ll lick it up – from another slave’s cunt, or from her mouth, or off her ass, or anywhere else on her body, or from my Master’s body, or off the floor. As I was saying this, my Master started to cum. He said to open my mouth. And I said please cum in my mouth, please. He then said that he had to get up and get ready for work, and that I should phone him later. We then said bye.
After cooling down, and drying off, I went back to the office. I love it when he cums like this in the morning. In just 8 weeks or so, I will be there for him, and I can suck him and please him every morning. And then please him some more when he gets home from work.
I didn’t finish work until fairly late this evening. It was about 5.45 when I left the office. I didn’t go swimming, and I’d been exercising yesterday anyway. When I got home, I had a bath, and then I laid down on the bed. The next thing I knew I was waking up suddenly. My first thought was that it was already after 8.00 pm, but when I looked at the clock, I saw that it was 7.50 pm. Usually when you have a fixed time in your mind, you automatically wake up. I got up, put my collar on and then got into my position, ready to phone my Master. I said my oath, and then remained in my position until 8.00 pm.
When I phoned him, I said that I had been asleep for a while, and hadn’t yet checked my e-mail. He said it was alright. I said that I had received his large envelope in the mail. I mentioned the information about the corsets, but my mind went blank when he asked me what else I had received. He just has this effect on me. I remembered the sample tea he had sent, but he had to remind me about the postcard. Later as we talked I remembered that he had also sent a copy of some e-mails that had gone around at his work. He had also sent the information about the Nikon glasses, but he had already said that it’s no longer necessary.
My Master asked me what were my plans for tomorrow. I said I will be in Birmingham. He will send me a drawing of the choker. I will then start looking around, and make sure that I can find somewhere that can do it. He also asked me to see about the chocolates he likes, and to see what kind of T-shirts there are at the moment.
I asked if it was alright if I phone him in the morning from Xxxxxxxx. I do try to be home when I phone him, because I never know if he will feel like getting sexy. So I will get off to Xxxxxxxx early tomorrow morning. He then let me go, and we said bye.
I am feeling alright at the moment. I have plenty to do over the next few weeks. First thing is to get the Canadian application posted, and then order the corsets, see about shoes, get the choker made up, check other things in Xxxxxxxx. I have an appointment with the doctor next week to get a further supply of the Pill. While I am there, I am also going to make an appointment to go to their Well Woman clinic, or go to one nearer home. I want to have a check up. And I’m sure there are lots of other things to do, and I have to keep exercising too. It is my Master’s birthday in September, and I am already thinking about that too.
But apart from all these things that are on my mind, I am feeling alright about things generally. My Master has sent the details of the corsets he has chosen. He wants me to get a black leather one. That’s going to look great. I’m bound to feel sexy wearing such a thing. It will be no problem getting hold-ups/stockings to go with that. I could also get seemed stockings or fish net. I wonder about the shoes though. I know my Master had said he likes black patent shoes, but I wonder if just plain black leather wouldn’t look better. But I will get what he wants. He has also chosen a white corset with suspenders, or alternatively an ivory one without. I like the ivory one, but it may be difficult to get shoes to match. But I’ll ask him at the weekend what he thinks. I am really looking forward to wearing a corset for my Master. Maybe that will make me have an orgasm!
When I went to bed, I got ready for my night time session. I put on my collar and laid on the bed, with the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 smaller ones working away on my nipples. The fantasy I had is probably one of the “simplest” and most effective at bringing me to orgasm. I was imagining standing naked before my Master. I had been tattooed and pierced, and I was wearing my choker collar. I was telling myself that I am now permanently marked with my Master’s initials, to identify me as his slave and property, and my pussy has been pierced to show that it is owned by my Master, and further, the collar that I wear also has my Master’s initials upon it. I was masturbating for about 10 minutes only, going through all this in detail. When I came to imagine the choker collar, I started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for permission to have an orgasm. Afterwards, I put the vibrators away, and got up out of bed, and got down on the floor. I said my oath to my Master, and then said that I had masturbated for him and I’d had an orgasm. I thanked him for the orgasm. I then stood up and asked him for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I laid in bed and read for a while. I still had my collar on. After 10 minutes or so, I turned off the light, and settled down to go to sleep.
Imagining myself like this – tattooed, pierced and collared does turn me on. I usually have an orgasm anyway. To me, it seems the ultimate expression of being owned. And deep down I do want it. If every time my Master mentions it or makes me feel like I am owned, it makes my pussy juices flow, then it must be right. I used to think this idea of someone owning another person was somehow wrong, but really it is just whatever seems right for the people involved. And if “feeling” owned or actually “being” owned feels right for me, then it is OK.
Saturday, July 20
I woke up at about 7.30 am, still with my collar on. I think, in fact I know, I had fallen asleep with it on intentionally. I needed to go to the loo. I got out of bed, and asked my Master for permission. I should have got up then, but instead I laid in bed again, and fell asleep, and I had a bad dream.
I dreamt that I was being held down, and someone (some man) was trying to force some kind of small capsules containing some kind of oil into my mouth. I didn’t know what they were, but instinctively knew that it was bad for me. I tried to resist, but some of the oil got on my lips and I swallowed some, and then this person started to rub some of the oil on my body. I was crying but tried not to open my mouth, so none of the oil would go into my mouth. My Master was in the room too, and as I looked at him pleadingly, I could see that he wasn’t happy at what was happening, but he made no attempt to stop it. In fact he was letting it go on. Weird. Anyway I woke up with a start. I think I had shouted out something. I certainly don’t have dreams like this much at all. I don’t think it really means anything significant. Trying to interpret dreams is difficult anyway. I’m not worried about it. I think if anything it just shows that my submission is very much in my mind, and maybe I am still coming to terms with some aspects of it. And although I know my Master understands some of my concerns, I also know that he isn’t going to change direction.
It was about 8.30 when I finally got up. I got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. I then stood up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom to get ready to go out. I then took off my collar and got ready to go to Birmingham. Before I went, I checked my e-mail because my Master had said that he would send me a drawing of the choker. When I saw his drawing, I was quite impressed. The dimensions were all shown and the drawing of his initials and the crown was very precise. I printed off a copy and then had a bit of breakfast and went out.
As I was driving to Xxxxxxxxx, I was thinking that my “fantasy” from last night is soon going to come true. Although I think real life is going to be a lot different to simply fantasising. I just hope I don’t freak out or get upset over any of these things. I headed for the city centre first to check the T-shirts and chocolates. Chocolates they had – but not in a tin. I’ll see if there is anything on the Internet. But at least I know that I can get something. I was a bit disappointed with the T-shirts. There wasn’t a new design and I was told that there wouldn’t be one. It seems like everything I try to get for my Master, there is always something that’s not quite right. Anyway after that I headed for the jewellery shops, which are a little way outside of the city centre, but not too far to walk. I found a place that can do the choker. I talked with the person who would be doing the work, and he was first of all impressed with the design and said that gold would be good. He also talked about how a clasp could be fitted, and so on. I said I would get some samples of different kinds of ribbon to decide what would be best. I need to talk with my Master about this first though. It seems like the finish to the ribbon will have to be either velvet or a satin ribbon, and maybe this could surround something more firm, so the choker doesn’t sag or anything. The cost will depend on the quality of the gold, and the size of the cameo. Silver would be less. The size of the cameo will depend on the width of the ribbon. In a way I kind of enjoyed discussing the choker, and seeing my Master’s initials there on the drawing, and I felt good afterwards because I had made some progress.
Back in the city centre, there were a couple of other things I wanted to do. Walking through the city, the sun was shining, and I thought to myself it would be so nice if my Master were here with me again. I then decided to head back home to try and get back for 3.00 pm, so I could phone my Master. I got back home just in time. I went upstairs, got undressed and put on my collar, and phoned him. When he answered he asked me how I was and what was new. I wanted to say my oath, but also to answer him as well. I said to him could I say my oath. I think my Master thought I was a bit nervous again, and it was probably because I had just got home. Usually though he has me say my oath before he says anything else. But then we started talking, and I felt OK. I said what I had been doing in the city, and I asked if we could discuss the choker later. (I always remember that it is early morning for him, and he probably doesn’t want to discuss things in so much detail). He said that he would be going out later in the morning, and to phone him before I went to bed.
It is almost 9.30 pm now, and I will relax for a while and then take a bath. I am looking forward to talking with my Master later this evening, as I could only talk to him for 10 minutes or so earlier.
After sending my e-mails to my Master I spent some time looking at sites on the Internet about piercing. In a way I wish I hadn’t because I started to get worried about it. I’ve realised now that all the difficulties I’d had previously were mostly about coming to terms with it psychologically. I hadn’t up until now really thought about the physical effects. Basically I am worried because I don’t know the facts. I don’t know exactly where or how my Master wants me pierced. Also I don’t know how long it will take to heal. From what I have read, it is anywhere from 2 to 8 weeks, depending on where the piercing is done and how the individual reacts to it. Also I don’t know whether my Master definitely wants to have it done in September, and if so whether he knows of a place he can trust to do it. If it was done soon after I arrived, I would spend the whole 2 weeks looking after the rings, and my Master wouldn’t be able to fuck me in the cunt much anyway, and if it was done just before I left, I would then have to deal with them all by myself, and if I had some problem with them I would probably take the rings out anyway, and if that is done before the healing process is complete, the holes will start to disappear. My feeling is that I don’t want to have it done until I am with him for good. That way he can help me through any difficulties I might have. I can see why my Master might want to do it now though. I think he feels that it will not only show my commitment, but will remind me of my place, plus I’m sure it will give him some pleasure. But I’m sure there are other things we can work on to help me learn my place.
So when it came time to phone my Master, I wasn’t really very happy. I don’t know if he sensed this or not. Anyway we talked for a while. We talked about the choker and about the corsets. And I said to him how I came across some Union Jack stickers – now that I don’t need them! He had to go out very soon, so he let me go, saying to phone him at 6.00 am in the morning.
Afterwards it was hard to get in the mood for masturbating. I had my collar on, but I seemed to lay there motionless for some time. I don’t know for how long – I didn’t look at the clock, but I knew that I still had to masturbate and have an orgasm somehow. Eventually I started to come around, and I put the vibrators in their usual place. I must admit that the feelings do have an effect on me, and even if I’m not in the mood, they very soon make me in the mood.
For all my worries about piercing and tattooing, etc, I’m almost embarrassed to admit what I fantasised about. I was one of 3 slaves. I along with my Master’s 2 other slaves were already pierced and tattooed to show that we belonged to Master. My Master then decided that all 3 slaves would be branded to emphasise his ownership of them. My fantasy didn’t go into the detail of the branding itself or the design of the brand, but I did imagine how it would feel once I was released from the device which had held me in place while the branding was done. I definitely knew now that I was no longer free. I even felt like I was no longer a proper human being. Instead I was now property. I was my Master’s property. As I was thinking about this, I started to have an orgasm. I did manage to ask my Master for permission.
Afterwards I got out of bed, and still with my collar on, I got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. I remained in that position for a minute or so, and then also said out loud to my Master that I was sorry for getting so worked up about the piercing. I then got up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom. Afterwards I came back to bed and settled down to go to sleep, still with my collar on.
Sunday, July 21
I woke up at about 8.30 am, with my collar still around my neck. I got up soon after that and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I felt better than I did last night. More focussed again. I had to go to the office this morning, but I had said to my Master that I will be home in time to phone him. I got to the office for around 10.30, and did enough of what I had planned to do. I left there at around 1.00 pm. As I was driving back home I was thinking of my Master. He had asked me to phone him at 6.00 am, which was fairly early for a Sunday. I thought that he maybe had some plan for me for the rest of the day, like last week.
By the time I got home, I was feeling a lot more focussed, and submissive too. I had one or two things to do, like seeing to the washing, etc, but then at about 1.40 I went upstairs to get ready to phone my Master. I got undressed and put my collar on. I got into my submission position and said my oath. I then got into the face down, ass up position, and stayed like that for 5 minutes. I then crossed my hands behind my back and crossed my ankles and with my face down, I held that position for 5 minutes. I then knelt up and waited a couple of minutes. I then phoned my Master. When he answered I said my oath to him. He said good, and for me to get up onto the bed.
He asked me how I was, and I said that I felt better than I did last night. I said that I was upset yesterday, and my Master said that he could tell everything was not quite right. I said that I had got worked up about the piercing, and he said I make things worse for myself and start to lose my mind and become less focussed when I get worked up. He did say that he isn’t going to have me pierced or tattooed until he feels that the time is right. Hearing him say this did make me feel more relaxed, knowing that he wasn’t going to push me into doing something that I wasn’t able to deal with. I know that as a slave, my feelings should not come into question, but my Master is different, in that he does care about me, and wouldn’t want to harm me emotionally. Nevertheless, I do know that I will be pierced and tattooed at some point.
We then talked a bit more, and my Master said that it’s been a long time since I sucked on his cock in a morning, and wouldn’t I love to do that. I said yes Master. He said that he wants me to suck and lick and worship his cock.
My Master then asked me how his cunt was. I touched it and said to him that it was nice and wet, and then he said that maybe he should do something to it. My Master said to get 4 of the pegs and one of the small vibrators. He said to first put the vibrator in my cunt, and then put it up my ass and to turn it on. After a bit of trouble I managed to get it in. He then said to put 2 pegs on each pussy lip. After I had done that, I said yes Master. He then said to get his metal clamps, and he had me put them on my nipples. When I had done this I said yes Master. He then said to lay back and to spread my legs, wide, and to masturbate. He had me pull the chain, and then to pull it harder, imagining that it was him. When he said this, it turned me on so much, because although it’s painful I kind of like it.
My Master then asked what my fantasy last night had been. I told him that I had been fantasising that I was one of three slaves. I said that he’d had his slaves branded. I think my Master sort of likes this idea, although he said that branding is usually only done when someone is certain that they want to be their Master’s slave for the rest of their life. Because it is permanent, unlike a tattoo which can be removed. But he also said that it can be done as a punishment.
My Master asked me what my purpose was. I said to obey you Master. He then asked me what my function was. I said to please and serve you Master. And he said that I will please him. I will learn to suck on his cock for hours, and then he will have his other slave take over, and he will use me as a table to rest his feet. And then he will have his other slave serve him some food and she will place the food upon me. I love being used as a footrest by him. Just to feel his feet upon me, or even thinking about it, brings out all my submissive desires. I think my Master knows how much I love this.
When he mentioned that I will suck on his cock for hours it reminded me of how he said, some time ago, that he would have me under his computer desk, and suck on his cock like that. Whenever he worked at the computer, I would take his cock into my mouth. And if he wanted to pee, he would simply use my mouth as his toilet, and then I would lick him and continue sucking him. And he would keep me there for hours. And when I was allowed to eat, maybe he would have me crawl to the kitchen to eat and drink out of a bowl and maybe be allowed to pee, and then crawl back to my place under his computer desk, and please him some more.
My Master described a fantasy of his. How 2 or 3 slaves could give him pleasure. I love his imagination. But the one way that stays in my mind is where I am on my back. One of the other slaves is in the doggy position and she is being fucked by my Master from behind. The other slave is behind him, and she is licking his anus, and sticking her tongue up his anus. My tongue is just inches away from my Master’s cock as he pushes it deep in and out of the slave’s cunt. I reach up to try and lick his cock, and lick his balls. And then he cums. He pulls out slightly so that his cum runs down her ass and runs down onto my tongue. I hold out my tongue to taste him. And then my Master commands her to rub her cunt into my face. I just love it. Tasting my Master, and feeling her pussy juices. And if she doesn’t rub it hard enough, she gets whipped by my Master. And then finally, my Master has his slaves line up, face down, ass up. He takes his crop and uses it hard, so that it leaves deep marks, so that each of his slaves know that they belong to him. He said that the smell of pussy juice dripping from 3 cunts, the aroma, is something else. When he said this I began to think of his aroma, and how I like to place my face over his cock and his balls and how I love to lick his anus. I was getting so turned on, that I practically came. In fact I think I did, because as I now know there are many types of orgasms. My whole pussy was shaking. My Master really knows how to turn me on.
He then said to get up and push my cunt onto the bed post at the bottom of the bed. This bed post is certainly seeing some action. He said to really work my cunt. I pushed it onto the post, and with the pegs on there too, the feeling was amazing. It wasn’t painful, because I was so turned on, and I wasn’t even aware of the clamps on my nipples. My Master had me say my oath to him. He then said to pull the chain once more. I did and cried out. I know he loves to hear my cries. I’m sure he would pull the chain even harder, and he would really hear me scream. I was so high, so aroused and excited. My Master then said to let the chain go, and then to stop. He said to lay on the bed again. He said to take off the pegs and to then take off the clamps. Still coming down, I did this, and then when I’d done it, I said yes Master. He said good. I hope that I had pleased him. But I asked him if he had cum. He said no, but asked had I. I said that I had cum in a way.
My Master then said that I should keep the vibrator in my ass, and keep it there until I went to bed. I said to my Master that it wouldn’t stay in. He said that he knows it won’t. I think what I should have said was yes Master, and found a way to keep it in, like I did with the vibrator last week. What I could have done was tie the silk scarf around the end tightly, and then put the vibrator in my ass, and tie the ends of the scarf to my belt again to keep it in place. The vibrator would protrude and I wouldn’t be able to sit and walking would possibly be uncomfortable, but I would have managed, because I want to please my Master and do as he says. But I asked him if I could insert the butt plug instead. At first I think he said that it should be the vibrator, but then he said alright, I could use the butt plug, but it had to be the largest one. I don’t think the butt plug is a particularly easy alternative otherwise I wouldn’t have asked if I could do this instead.
After we said bye, I laid on the bed for while, still coming back down. I still had my collar on and the tip of the vibrator was still in my ass. After 10 minutes or so, I got up, and holding the vibrator there I went to the bathroom and asked for my Master’s permission to go to the loo. Because I had still been a little bit tense this morning, I’d been to the loo (to shit) 3 times already, and now that I was a bit more relaxed again, I didn’t need to go. But I did pee. I then took the butt plug and put some lubricant on it, and slid it into my ass. Because I haven’t used it for a while, my ass was a bit tight again. The sensation was fairly intense. But I knew that I had to keep it there until night time. But after a short time I began to settle down and I got used to the feeling.
I get the most sensation when walking and moving around. Sitting is OK, but I can feel it all the time, no matter what I’m doing. Since I talked with my Master, I sorted out the photocopies of documents I did at work for my Canada application, and I then had an early dinner. I relaxed a bit, watching a bit of a movie I recorded last night. I then started to write in my diary. I have since talked with my mum on the phone for about an hour. It is just after 9.30 pm now. The butt plug has been in place for over 6 hours. I have gone through the phase of adjusting to the feeling and then accepting it, and now it is that time when I am getting sort of contractions in my ass. I think this is a type of orgasm originating in my clitoris, but because of all the nerve endings that are connected (which I learned about in that book), the sensations are also felt in the anus. And there are thousands of nerve endings there.
It’s a shame that the anus is regarded as such a “no go” area for most people. If people could get over their sense or shame or inhibitions, or feeling that it is somehow dirty, the anus is a very erotic point on the body. My Master says how he loves to have his anus licked and have my tongue (or another slave’s tongue) stuck up his anus. And I think I discovered when my Master was here this last time, that I enjoy licking his anus.
I think I’m focussed again. I’ll relax for ½ an hour or so, and then I’ll go upstairs. I will practice one or two of my slave positions, and then phone my Master. I expect that he will have me keep the butt plug in until I have had my night time session. I will ask him if it is alright to take it out afterwards so that I can take a bath.
8 weeks today I will hopefully be on my way to Xxxxxxxx to be with my Master again.
I went upstairs to practice my positions for my Master. I got undressed and put my collar on. In front of the mirror, I got into the face down, ass up position. It was very erotic, especially with my ass still filled with the butt plug. Regarding the butt plug, when it has been in for so long, I am wanting to take it out, but at the same time I want to keep it in, because I start to get turned on by the ceaseless sensation that it causes. I then got into the table position. I still need to work some more on this, to find a way of keeping my back straight without my arms giving way after 5 minutes. After 10 minutes or so I went into the bedroom to phone my Master.
When he answered he ordered me to speak. I said my oath, and he said good and for me to get up onto the bed and to make myself comfortable. We talked for a while. He asked me if I was nervous still. I think if anything it was sort of nervous excitement. Laying naked on the bed, with a butt plug in my ass, talking with my Master is quite arousing. It was really nice talking to him though. After a while he said he would let me go, as it was time for me to sleep. I asked my Master if I was to take the butt plug out after I had masturbated, and he said yes. I said thank you. I also said to him that I had 2 meetings away from the office tomorrow, and asked whether he wanted me to wear anything in particular. He said no – just to wear whatever makes me feel comfortable. Again I said thank you. I never really know when he is going to tell me to wear a skirt and no panties. But then that’s all part of it.
After we said bye, I had my night time session. I had no problem getting in the mood. I put the large vibrator on my clit and the 2 small ones on my nipples, and very soon my pussy was wet. I started to imagine how I am my Master’s property. My function is to please him. That is my only desire – to please him. And I serve him, in any way he wishes. As his cunt, as his bitch, as his object – his table, his footrest, his living fountain, or his living sculpture. And I serve him as his maid and as his domestic servant. I was imagining serving him a meal. I was dressed in my black corset. It pulled my waist in nicely and pushed my breasts up. My nipples were showing. I also wore black stockings and black high heels. I also had on my collar and leash. I served my Master his main course, and as he ate, I sat on the floor in my position, displaying my cunt for him to show him that I am available for him. When he had finished, my Master indicated that I should take the plate away and bring him his dessert. When I returned, my Master said to me to get in my place. I knew what he meant, and obediently I got under the table, ready to suck my Master’s cock. I then started to have an orgasm. The contractions were quite intense and I could feel them in my ass because of the butt plug. I just managed to ask my Master for permission.
Afterwards I got up and got down on the floor. Still with my collar on and the butt plug in, I said my oath. I then asked my Master for permission to go to the bathroom and to take the butt plug out and have a bath. I took my collar off, and the butt plug out. It’s strange taking the butt plug out. After about 9 hours I’d have thought I would feel some sense of relief, but I don’t really. It’s all quite matter of fact. That’s a good way of looking at it – not making any big deal out of it. I was wondering though whether my ass was going to ache again. I took a quick bath, and then got into bed. As I settled down to go to sleep, I said good night to my Master.
Monday, July 22
I slept OK. No ache in the ass this time. Either my ass is less tight now, or I am more used to the butt plug, or maybe this time I didn’t move around so much.
I felt a lot more relaxed and confident when I woke up. Like I was back on track again. I got out of bed and put my collar on, got down on the floor and said my oath. I then stood up and asked for permission to go to the loo. I then got ready for work. I wore my trousers, and I did wear some underwear, but I recognise that it is now almost a privilege to be able to wear panties.
As I was getting ready for work, I thought to myself that there are many people in the UK who are slaves – waking up to a new day of pleasing and serving their Master. It’s not such an unusual thing. The only trouble is that my Master is 6000 miles away. But I can still try to please him the best I can. Months ago I used to feel that although I was in this type of relationship I was different to all the people I read about on the Internet. But now I’m thinking that maybe I’m getting closer to their way of thinking. Although I appreciate that all slaves are different and that all relationships are different, there are still some thoughts and feelings that must surely be common among slaves.
Last night I was looking on one site and reading about the experiences of one girl. She is in the UK and has been a slave for over 2 years. She described how it took her a long time to replace her old way of thinking with a new way of thinking, and that even now she still has difficulties from time to time accepting her master’s requests. Everything that is written on this site seems realistic, and if I was to ever contact another slave on the Internet, it would be someone like this. I have mentioned to my Master that I would like to be able to “talk” with someone. He said that when he has another slave then I will be able to talk with her, but that may be some time off yet. If my Master doesn’t want me to contact anyone then I won’t but I will ask him if he thinks this girl is the right sort of person to contact. I could give him the link to the site.
It would be a big help for me to be able to say to someone that this is how I feel after 7 months, and although I do have difficulties, I still have the desire. And hopefully they might recognise some of the difficulties I have had or am having, and be able to give me some encouragement. I’m not saying that my Master doesn’t give me encouragement – because he does. Heaps of it. But another slave’s perspective would be helpful, and also to be able to share my secret submission with another submissive woman would be such a relief at last.
As I was driving to my meeting, I was listening to some of my Master’s music, as I usually do. I was feeling good and thinking that it takes an exceptional person to do what Lxxxxx is doing – being a Master, and to have someone willingly submit themselves, because nobody is going to submit unless that person is deserving of their submission. And he is exceptional. And I’m happy and proud to be his friend, his lover and his slave. I had a little smile to myself as I drove past the spot where I parked the car last Thursday afternoon to phone him. (That was when he came, and he got me so hot and horny).
At just before 1.30 pm I went outside so I could phone my Master. When it was 1.29 it was incredible thinking that in just 60 seconds I would be talking with him. When he answered he said he’d been having some stupid dreams, about being in Toronto. We talked for a couple of minutes and then he said he was up now and guessed that it was time to get up for work. He said to call him around noon. I was thinking that in 8 weeks time I will be there, hopefully having just pleased him and made him cum, and enjoying the taste of his cum, and licking up the last drops from his cock and from his fingers.
When I got home, I was a bit tired, plus I had developed a head ache during the afternoon. I took a bath, then had a lie down on the bed. At about 7.00 pm I came downstairs to check my e-mails. My Master had sent me an e-mail. He said to order some more tea, and he said to get him a couple of polo tops. I need to check exactly what he wants. Also he mentioned some tin soldiers, but he will send me details. He also said that I must get more sleep. I need to start going to bed earlier. Yes he is right. What I must do is start writing some of my diary before dinner, and then I can finish it afterwards, and be able to go upstairs at about 10.00 pm.
At just after 7.50 pm I went upstairs. I got ready to phone my Master. I was really looking forward to talking with him. I got down on the floor and said my oath to him. Then I phoned him. He said that I was right on time, and that I was dependable. I’m glad that I am pleasing him in that way at least. He said that it was really bad in the office because the AC was down. I really felt sorry for him. Anyway we talked and laughed for a while. I had tried that tea. It really was awful. I said that I would be in my office all day tomorrow. He said to wear what I wanted again. I said thanks. I really like it when he is so nice to me, but I like it too when he gives me clear instructions.
It’s almost 10.00 now, so I’ll start to get ready for bed.
When I went upstairs, I got ready to masturbate. I put on my collar and laid down on the bed, with the vibrators in their usual place. I started to think to myself that my purpose is to obey. My life had no purpose before, but now I have a purpose, a reason for my existence – to obey my Master. I want to be trained, become so obedient that disobedience is not an option. When my Master gives me a command, the only choice I have is to obey, and I must obey without any hesitation, because any hesitation will cause my Master to be displeased. I want to please him and show him, in front of others, that I am so well trained and obedient. I want my Master to be proud of his obedient slave. As my Master holds my leash he demonstrated how obedient I am by giving me the command to sit. Immediately I assumed my position, my legs open so that my cunt is displayed. He then gave me the order to get face down, ass up. My Master then let go of the leash and talked with his friends for a few minutes, leaving me in my position. I remained perfectly still, knowing that if I moved I would disappoint my Master. Then one of my Master’s friends said “can we see your slave in another position?”. My Master took hold of the leash and ordered me to get into my inspect position. I stood up and placed my feet 18” apart and held my arms up above my head. My Master explained how I stand like this for him every day, so that he can inspect me – inspect his property. I then started to have an orgasm. I asked my Master for his permission.
Afterwards I got out of bed, and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I thanked him for the orgasm. I then stood up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I settled down to go to sleep, still with my collar on. It was not too late, about 11.15 pm.
Tuesday, July 23
At 6.30 am the phone rang. I knew it would be my Master. I already had my collar on, so I got out of bed onto the floor, and answered the phone. My Master asked who I was. I said my oath to him. He then said to get into my face down, ass up position. I got up onto the bed, and then wondered whether he had said to get up onto the bed or not, and I asked him whether he wanted me on the bed or on the floor. He said on the bed. My Master then said to slide down towards the bed post at the bottom of the bed, and to push my cunt onto it – hard. I did this, and immediately my cunt became wet.
He asked what my fantasy had been. I said that I had been serving him a meal, and then I was under the table pleasing him by sucking on his cock. (Afterwards I have realised that this was not what I fantasised about last night, but the night before – sorry Master). My Master said that I will do that a lot, and should get used to the idea of sucking on his cock while holding the shaft, and licking his balls and his ass. He then said that every day I will be inspected. He said that I better be ready, with my cunt and ass clean, and properly shaved. The only hair that is allowed is my eyebrows and the hair on my head. If he sees any hair anywhere else he will punish me. He said he will give me 20 lashes, and hard ones.
My Master said that I will feel owned. He knows that I want to be owned, and used, and be nothing but a cunt on 2 legs. And to have my mouth used as a second cunt and my tongue used to lick him, and be used as a toilet, for him to pee and shit on. My Master then told me to beg for it. I begged him to please use me. Please pee on me Master. Please shit on me Master. On my cunt, anywhere. I long to feel your pee – smell it, taste it. Please use by body as your toilet. My Master was close to cumming, and as he did, he said to me to open my mouth, because he wants to cum in my mouth. I said please, please cum, cum in my mouth.
My Master then said that tonight I will not masturbate, nor will I masturbate for the rest of the week. I’m not to masturbate until he tells me to. I’m not to touch myself either, but can think about it, and think how nice it will be. He said is that clear. I said yes Master. He said good, and for me to lay back on the bed on my back. After a minute or so, he let me go, and said to phone him at 5.30 am.
Afterwards I felt amazing. My Master makes me feel so alive. As I was still coming down, I laid in the bed, still with my collar on. I must have drifted off back to sleep for a while because I had some silly dreams. In one of them I was my Master’s slave and he had another girl. Not a slave, but a girl that he was very fond of, and I was jealous. I was having this dream when I woke up, and I’m glad it was a dream. This must still be in my mind somewhere, but really I’m not worrying about it. I think I have got the issue of the other slave or slaves sorted out for the time being. When the prospect of it actually happening gets nearer, then I’ll deal with my feelings then.
I got up then, and got ready for work. I wore my trousers again, especially as I was in the office for the whole day. At lunch time, I went out to book my flight. I got that done by around 1.00 pm. Then I walked back, and went to the car. Before phoning my Master, I phoned the jeweller who is going to make up my choker collar for me, and although he wasn’t there to talk to, I left a message for him to say that I want to go ahead with it, and I should get a call back this week. At 1.30 I phoned my Master. It was so nice to hear him. I said that I had booked the flight. I said that I would send him all the details. He then reminded me about what he had said earlier – no masturbating until he says so. He asked me whether I understood why he had said that. I asked why although I think I did know. My Master said it was to show me that he owns my sexuality. He said that all this masturbating had not been for my benefit, but to show me that he owns and controls my sexuality. I did understand. I have said in my diary previously that I understand that I masturbate for my Master, and although I do get some pleasure myself, that is not the issue. And my Master has said that it is alright to get some pleasure from some of the activities. He then let me go, saying that I should phone him at about 11.45 am.
At home I put away my vibrators, so that they are out of the way. Not being allowed to masturbate does make me feel that he has control of my sexuality. At 7.40 I went upstairs to get ready to phone my Master. I got undressed and put on my collar. At 7.45 pm I phoned my Master. It was nice to hear him. Unfortunately FedEx are messing us around even more. They had the audacity to send him a customs invoice, and apart from that I had specifically stated on the form that I wanted no extra costs to be incurred at that end. My Master has found the name of the head of FedEx for Europe. I will phone, and I will also phone the UK number to see why they think the issue has been settled. My Master is not having a good week. I wish I were there for him. I could help him relax – lick him, stroke him, massage him, whatever he wants. Nevertheless we did have a laugh. He had to go out of the office shortly, so he let me go. I realised afterwards that I hadn’t discussed what I should wear tomorrow. I assume that until he says different, I am free to wear what I want.
When I went to bed, it was a little strange knowing that I wouldn’t be masturbating. Before I got into bed, I put my collar on, and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I took off my collar before getting into bed, because maybe I associate that with masturbating and being aroused. Maybe after a few nights of no masturbation, I will be able to wear my collar at night time. I was a little tired, but I didn’t feel ready to fall asleep right away, so I started to read my book on massage. It would be nice if I could learn some new techniques – and surprise my Master. Soon I did start to feel more sleepy and I settled down to go to sleep.
Wednesday, July 24
When I woke up I was feeling OK. I got up out of bed, put on my collar and got down on the floor to say my oath. For work I again wore trousers. So far this week my Master hadn’t said what I should or shouldn’t wear. (In his e-mail which I saw this evening, he has actually said to wear what I want this week).
I do understand why my Master has stopped my masturbation sessions. He wants me to realise that my sexuality belongs to him. And I do feel this, because he is the one who not only decides when I masturbate, but he also decides when I get turned on. When we are not together he is the one who decides when we have a “session”. With regards to when I masturbate or don’t, and what I wear, I sometimes wonder whether my Master has some kind of plan. But I think it would be hard to have a plan for transforming someone into their slave, because everyone is different. How could he have known how things would be turning out between us. So I suppose he has to plan as he goes along, and judge what is right for me and when. Actually because of this, and because of the problems I sometimes cause him, I have even more admiration for him, because it can’t be easy. But whether he has a plan or not, I do feel as though I am going through some sort of transformation.
Also I do take seriously what he said on the phone yesterday morning – that he will punish me if I am not shaved properly. (Although I don’t really know if he would punish me as he described, or not. I never really know what he might do). Anyway what I have come to fully understand is that this relationship is consensual. I knew that anyway, but now I understand what it really means. I am not being forced into it, but by entering the relationship I must accept my Master’s terms and conditions. And if one of those conditions is that I must at all times be shaved, apart from eyebrows and the hair on my head, then I must accept it. And I must accept that my Master can punish me as he sees fit, if I fail to do as he says. And with regards to shaving, my Master did say right from the beginning that I will shave off all my body hair. I don’t have any problem with that, and I will definitely do all I can to make sure my body is presentable for him, but even so I can imagine that as I stand and present myself for him, my heart is going to be beating away, hoping that he doesn’t find any reason to need to punish me, because I don’t want to disappoint him. At the same time though, I will probably be turned on, because being completely shaved is as naked as you can get, and standing in that position and being inspected will make me feel vulnerable. But it is erotic too.
At 1.20, I went to the car to phone my Master. When I phoned him, he said that I was late. I always phone him when my mobile phone says 1.30 (although the clock in the car is already 1.30). Maybe my mobile is a little slow. I’ll check it. It was nice to hear him, but he wasn’t feeling too good. Nerves, the heat and this mess with FedEx were all having an effect on him. I hope I’m not adding to his problems. I said that I would phone FedEx afterwards. My Master said to check my e-mail in the evening to see if he was back in the office. I hoped that I would get to talk to him later in the evening.
I phoned FedEx afterwards, and finally got through to a lady who deals with claims. They are holding to their policy that they are only liable for $100. I have got the name of the head of customer services in the UK, and I’ll write to him. I’m sure they could if they wanted make a payment as a goodwill gesture. This is not uncommon. But maybe this lady didn’t have the authority to do that. I felt annoyed, but more so because this is causing extra problems for my Master, and he has enough to deal with.
After work I went swimming. I got there for 6.00 pm and had a good ½ hour swim. In the changing area, which is communal, I noticed a girl, probably in her 20s. She still had her costume half on, but I noticed that she had piercings in her navel. Then I looked up and she had taken her costume off, and I noticed that her pussy was shaved. That is the first real life shaved pussy I have seen (apart from mine). It was just after 7.00 pm when I got back home. First I checked my e-mail, and there was a message from my Master saying that his trip had been cancelled, and that I could phone him at noon. I then worked on my diary until about 7.50 pm. I should have checked my e-mail again, because unbeknown to me, he had sent me another e-mail saying to phone earlier because he may have to go out. When I phoned him, I was naked on the floor wearing my collar. He obviously knew that I hadn’t seen his latest e-mail but he said not to worry about it. What he meant was that there was no point worrying about it now that it has happened. But he has said on more than one occasion that I must check my e-mail before I phone him, as he doesn’t know when he is going to be in the office, and he can’t wait for my call. And I certainly don’t expect that. I got caught out on this occasion because I had seen his e-mail to say that his trip had been cancelled, and then I didn’t check my mail again. But from now on I will make sure that I do to see if his plans have changed.
He asked me how I had gone on with FedEx. He told me that they are just trying to get out of paying up, and to keep on at them. I am going to check with Citizens Advice to find out exactly where I stand, and also write to the head of customer services in the UK. My Master still made me laugh though over the polos and sweatshirts, and different meanings in the US and in the UK. But then he had to go, and said to phone him in the morning.
I tried to get off to bed early, but by the time I had finished with the computer and done a few jobs in the kitchen it was going up to 11.00 pm. My night time routine is all different now. I used to say my oath after I had masturbated, and I had got into bed when I realised that I hadn’t said my oath, so I put on my collar and got down on the floor. Then I settled down to go to sleep. I had got my book ready to read, but felt sleepy and I had barely read a page before I started to fall asleep. I fell asleep with the bedside lamp on again.
Thursday, July 25
I’m writing this in the evening at 7.30 pm. It’s a good thing that when we wake up, we don’t really know whether the day is going to be a good one or a bad one. Because so far, most of the day has been awful. I feel awful because I’m not really pleasing my Master, and in some cases I am even failing to do as he asks. What is happening? Why can’t I get things right? Is it because this is still fairly new and I’m not used to be so accountable to someone? Or should I have got used to this by now?
Anyway, I woke up early in the morning. It was around 5.00 am. The light was still on. I got up and asked my Master for permission to go to the bathroom to pee. When I came back to bed, I turned off the light and fell asleep again. I think I was dreaming on and off – but not about anything bad.
First thing in the morning I was feeling OK. I put on my collar and then got into my position and said my oath. I then stood up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom.
At work at lunchtime, I went up to the car in plenty of time, because I wanted to phone FedEx first. I asked to speak to the head of customer services, but was unable to, but got to talk with someone from his team, who works for him. Kxxx Mxxxx. Basically she said that the claim is being dealt with at the US end, and if we’re not satisfied with the $100 then we should state our reasons in writing. She said that each case is dealt with individually. She couldn’t say whether FedEx in the US would pay out more compensation or not, although she did confirm that one-off goodwill payments are often made to customers.
I phoned my Master at 1.30, wishing that I had better news for him. I said to him what their response had been. I know that he is really pissed off with them and I’m upset too, mainly for him, but I’m upset too because I feel like I’m to blame. And then I kept him talking for far too long and he really had to go unless he’d be late. So we said bye very hurriedly, leaving me in a state. I suppose this is the downside of a Master/slave relationship. When a slave upsets her Master, she really suffers for it, whereas in a ‘normal’ relationship these feelings don’t really exist.
After calming down I decided that there were some issues I needed to get straight with FedEx. I tried to get hold of this Kxxxx Mxxxx again, but she was at lunch, so I spoke with someone else, and ascertained the following information :
(1) FedEx do not offer a special service for fragile goods. Even if the parcel had been marked with FRAGILE all over it, it wouldn’t have got any special treatment. I was told that FedEx treat all parcels the same, and that they do unavoidably have some breakages (couldn’t get them to give me exact figures on this), and unfortunately mine had been one of them. Fine. But did they realise what pain and distress they are causing me. I asked her why did FedEx take the parcel if they couldn’t guarantee safe delivery. Her answer was that they transport all kinds of things. I said, so it was basically at my own risk. She didn’t really have an answer for that. All they could say was that they were sorry.
(2) FedEx admitted that many customers do not enter a value in the “Declared value for carriage” box. This is almost an admission that their form is designed in such a way that people will not notice that they have to fill in this box, and therefore FedEx get away with minimum liability.
(3) This is the worse thing – if things could get any worse. They said that a cheque for $100 and a letter was sent on the 10th July. I was told that it would have been made out in Lxxxxx ’s name, and sent to his work address. So where this cheque is now, I don’t know. But if Lxxxxx doesn’t receive it, FedEx can’t even guarantee that they can reissue it. Basically they are saying that from this end, a cheque has been issued and the claim has been settled.
No wonder I’m in such a state. But afterwards I went back to the office, and tried to get some work done. I kept wondering what my Master was thinking. Was he still thinking that I haven’t done such a good job with this. On my way home I was wondering if he had sent me an e-mail, and if so what type of e-mail. He had sent me an e-mail, and also there was one which he had sent me last night. He is not so happy with me at the moment. Too many things are going wrong. Although he has said that there are some things that I do well, it seems like all the things I do badly have been happening this week.
Regarding checking my e-mail regularly before phoning him, I promised that I will do this in future. This will be important next week when my Master will be out of the office a lot of the time. I did explain to him why I hadn’t seen the e-mail he sent the other day saying that I should phone earlier than noon, and really the last thing I want is for him to arrange any of his time around my calls. I have never thought like that. I know that’s not how it works, and that it is me who arranges my time so that I call him when he says. And I do always try to do this. I always phone him in the morning, even when I am in a meeting, and I always try to be at home to phone him in the morning at weekends. And if there is any chance that I might still be in Xxxxxxxx, I do let him know. Is this the worse things have been, or does it just feel like it, because it is affecting me so badly?
Anyway this is getting all very depressing. The good things that have happened today are my Master’s reaction when I told him that I had seen this girl at the swimming pool. Yes she had a very nice, smooth, shaved pussy. If she is there next Wednesday evening, I’ll try and pluck up the courage to talk to her. Also I have received my corsets. When you order, you give them your actual measurements, and they send the corset size that is best for you. They have sent me waist 22”, which doesn’t mean that I will be able to pull my waist into 22” right away. My waist is currently 25”, so I should be able to pull it in to around 23 ½ “ at first. It is apparently possible to put on a corset yourself, but better if there is someone else around. My Master would say that that’s where another slave comes in handy. I have to agree there.
When I had finished with the computer, I went up to bed. I put on my collar and got down on the floor to say my oath to my Master. I then read some of my book before turning off the light, and settling down to sleep.
Friday, July 26
I woke up fairly early. I put my collar on and got down on the floor and said my oath to my Master. I stayed like that for a few minutes, saying to my Master how I am sorry for upsetting and disappointing him. I then got up and asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I had a bath and laid in the bath for a little longer than usual.
I was thinking that I have probably not chosen the best time of my life to become a slave. Not that I am regretting it. But I probably do have to work at it more than some people might have to. But I wasn’t ready for this during my 20s or 30s. I think the thing that finally drove me to it, is the fact that I have had this type of fantasy and desire for over 20 years, and in particular during the past 2 years, when it became clear that my submissive thoughts were always in my mind. Anyway I was thinking that although I am very submissive, I’m probably not a natural slave. Also, as my Master understands, it isn’t always easy at my age to be able to give up control. It might be easier for someone in their early 20s because they have not really had much chance to develop their independence. And also I have read somewhere that if you haven’t been used to living in an environment where rules are in place, it can be harder to get used to living in such an environment. I can’t really say that my upbringing was strict. I wasn’t unruly or anything, and didn’t give my parents any need to punish me. Generally my childhood was fairly uneventful, and the schools that I attended were not very strict. It’s not like I went to some awful girls boarding school.
But despite all this, I can still be a slave if I have the will and the desire. And what I keep coming back to is that I do desire it. I want all the feelings. I want to feel the absolute depths (and highs) of my submission. I want to feel used. I want to please and serve my Master, and I want to feel the pleasure and the pain. And as I am bonding more and more with my Master, I feel this even more.
When I got to work there was an e-mail from my Master, saying that he had received my card, the one with the women pouring the water. He liked it. I thought there should have been something before this, or maybe I was wrong. I don’t keep a record of what I have posted. As long as things keep arriving, that’s the main thing.
At lunchtime I posted a copy of the letters and documentation that I have sent to FedEx, to my Master. And a card too. Then I went back to the car, ready to phone him. He had just woken up. My Master asked me how I was. I said that I was OK, and feeling better than yesterday. I said that I was pleased he had received my card. He said that I dwell too much on the negative side of things, and he said that I should think about the things which I do well. My Master said that he had written an e-mail to me at home saying this. I said to him that I do try to think about the positive things, and I said how I am looking forward to being with him again. My Master said how he has already booked the days off work, so that we can go to Los Angeles. He said we will have a good time there, and can visit several places, and maybe even go down to San Diego.
My Master said that soon I would have something to do in the mornings – suck his cock. He said, you’d like that wouldn’t you? I said yes Master. He asked me what I was wearing. I said my jeans, a white T-shirt, black top, bra and panties. He knew that I had been on my period this week (he’s keeping a check on it), which is why he had let me wear panties. But my Master said that next week I will wear a skirt, and no panties. I said yes Master. He then asked how his cunt was. And had I touched it these last few days. I said to him that I hadn’t done anything with it. What I meant was that I hadn’t done anything sexual with it. I had washed it, and inserted tampons in it, but that’s all. My Master said to touch it now. I unzipped my jeans, and stuck my hand down my panties, to touch my cunt. I said that it was nice and wet.
My Master said that he wants me to start wearing the corsets. He said to start with the black one. When I phone him tonight, I am to be wearing the black one. He said to bring them with me in September, along with my collar and the clamps. I said to my Master that I have already written everything down. I will send it to him soon. My Master said that maybe he will get another set of clamps, and then he can put one set on my nipples and the other on my pussy lips. And then he’ll pull on the chains. I said to my Master that he pulls the chain harder than I do. He said that he loves to hear me cry out for mercy, and he loves to hear my screams. And I could tell from the way he said it that he really does love this. It won’t take much to make me scream. Just some hard pulls on the chain, and I will soon be begging him to please do something else to me instead. And my Master said that he is going to crop and whip me – and especially before I go home, he will give me a good whipping so that I can feel the welts when I am on the plane and for a long time after, and know that I belong to him.
My Master said that I’d better be prepared for more activities than before. He said that I will be naked all day, wearing my collar. And outside I will wear my choker collar. I will be waiting for him at the door each day, and I will be inspected by him each day. He said that he is going to use me – tie me up and use me as his toilet, and other times use me as his travelling companion or as his lover. When he talks like this, he makes it very clear that he will use me as anything he wishes, and if he wishes to be nice to me then he will, or if he wishes to give me pain or humiliation, then he will do that too.
I was getting high now, and out of myself. I was in a world just with my Master. My hand in my wet cunt, feeling hot all over, hanging on to my Master’s every word. I was oblivious to anything else. With my eyes shut, there could have been half a dozen people stood around the car staring at me, and I wouldn’t care. My Master said that I must obey him – no more half-hearted obedience. I must do as he says, to the letter. And when I am pierced and tattooed, I will proudly show them to anyone if my Master says so. He says that I must exist only for him, to serve him, and belong to him. My purpose is to exist to please him. I was practically cumming at this point.
My Master asked me about this slave who I had been reading about. I said to him that it’s not so important now, because I want to get back on track with him. My Master said yes, that is the most important thing. And he said even if I do contact this girl, I must always remember that the only thing that is important is what he says. Because he is my Master, and he is always right.
My Master then really took me high. He said to hold my clit and squeeze it – hard. He said squeeze! And as I did so, he had me say my oath to him, and then squeeze it harder. Then he said to let it go, and then a couple of minutes later, he said to calm down. He then said he would let me go, and I was to go back to work. He said I could phone him before I went to bed.
Afterwards I couldn’t believe how high he can take me. And as usual I was all hot, and my pussy was dripping. I put the blowers on, and dried off. Luckily I had brought a T-shirt to put on after swimming, and I took that with me to the ladies room at work, and had a quick change. My panties were wet also with perspiration, and there was nothing for it – I had to take them off. I checked myself in the mirror. I really looked alive!
I left work at about 4.15 pm, and headed for the swimming pool. I had a very good swim. Unfortunately the girl with the shaved pussy wasn’t there, but there’s nothing to say I won’t see her again. A lot of people go there regularly. When I got home, I checked the post outside. There was a card from my Master. I could hardly believe it when I opened it. It was a lovely card with a smaller card inside with a xxxxxxx on the front, and inside there was a lovely message from my Master. I felt like I didn’t really deserve this right now, but I do mean well, and I would never do anything intentionally to harm my Master.
After I’d had a bath and had a good shave all over, I read my Master’s long e-mail to me. I do understand all that he says. What I need to do is make some adjustments to the way I think and act. It’s probably easier said than done, but it can be done with some concentration and determination. He says that when I’m in a situation like I was at the opticians, I must think like him. And also follow all of his instructions. I guess it is a balance between thinking for myself when that is needed, and at other times following instructions without thinking.
It is now 9.30 pm and I will finish off a few jobs downstairs, then go upstairs, to get into my corset. I don’t know how long that is going to take. I will then put on my collar and then I will be ready to phone my Master.
Upstairs, I undressed and started to put on the corset. I had a little difficulty fastening up the front, probably because it’s new. When it came to doing up the laces, definitely another person is useful here. By yourself, the 2 options are to look in the mirror, but then its difficult because everything is back to front, or do it simply by touch. I did finally get it laced up, although it could have been tighter. I put on my collar and my black shoes to see how it looked, and stood in front of the mirror. Yes, it is nice – and sexy too. When the corset is done up more tightly it will look even better.
I then went into the bedroom to phone my Master. It was a little difficult to get down into my position because of the corset. When my Master answered the phone, I said my oath to him. He asked me how my outfit was, and also checked which one I was wearing. I said that I had the black one on (he had said to try this one first), and that it felt nice. He asked was it tight. I said to him that it could be tied quite a bit tighter. My Master said that it was too bad that I didn’t have a digital camera. But then he said that I could take some pictures with mine, as it has a delay action. Actually I had been planning to do that for some weeks now. I have already got some images in my mind. My Master said to be very creative. And I will. I said to my Master that I was planning to go to Birmingham on Saturday. He said OK, and I asked what time should I phone him. He said to phone him when I got back. He then let me go, and said to have a good sleep.
I kept the corset on for a few minutes longer, and then I had to take it off to go to bed. I took my collar off too, and settled down into bed. I read some of the massage book.
